As you may have read in my last post, I’m trying to manage my life and take control of it again. Since my mom died 2 months ago, I have just been going through the motions (and emotions!) trying to figure out my place. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true.
Some of my displacement is due to the grief I’m experiencing. If I think about it too long, I begin to cry and I get short of breath…like a panic attack kind of. I know she’s in Heaven and I’m glad about that, but man oh man do I miss her. I just can’t believe she’s gone. Even though I knew it was coming, I still wasn’t ready. I never imagined pain and sadness like this. I’d like to eat, drink, and be merry my way though this, but the sensible me knows that would do nothing but delay what I need to be feeling anyway. So I go on.
Some of my displacement is also due to my lack of management in my life. While choosing not to plan and just give myself a break, which was good I guess, I also fell into the trap becoming a wuss. Really, I wouldn’t say “no” when needed and I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. Now I’m not accusing anyone of taking advantage of me because they never did that to their knowledge. The very people I’m talking about live in my own house and it’s really not their fault, it’s mine. I haven’t been very vocal about what I need or want and so they really didn’t know. They know now
I’ve learned an important lesson. Don’t expect anyone, even those closest to you, to know what you need. They will appreciate it and so will you if you just let them know yourself. You have to let them know.
ps…I walked 4 miles this morning and did arm weights! Tootin’ my own horn on this one