Have you ever been going about your daily routine, happy as a clam, not a care in the world, when all of a sudden something sparks a memory and you are stopped dead in your tracks? All of a sudden, you are taken back to a place you never intended to go. That happened to me today.
I was serving my family their supper: grilled chicken sandwiches, brocoli & cheese, and macaroni & cheese (okay, I know it’s too much cheese, but that’s how we do it in my family….cheese it up), and lemonade. The mac & cheese was a new recipe (thank you to LeAnn of She Cooks). I asked the kids how they liked it. Well, they all LOVED IT. But it also brought up discussion about their MaMaw, my mother. Her specialty was mac & cheese. That conversation led to another of my Mom’s specialties, Tea Cakes (sugar cookies, but much better), which led me to go get the recipe box. Well that’s when it happened.
I took my mom’s recipe box out of the cabinet. I began thumbing through the recipes. A lump developed in my throat. My eyes filled with tears. The cards in the box held recipes in her handwriting, and well, that did it. All of a sudden, I was taken back to a place I never intended to go.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago. Sadly, she lost her battle in March, 2010. It was the saddest season of my life. If you’ve read any of my stuff (blog, FB, CaringBridge, or P31 devotions) in the past year , you know how hard it’s been for me. I miss her so so much. Sometimes I still can’t believe she’s gone. When I saw her handwriting on those recipe cards, I was taken back….
there she was, writing a new recipe to try out on the next family dinner.
there she was, planning her menu based on the recipe she was viewing.
there she was, we lived in Winter Park, FL. I was in the 1st grade.
there she was, teaching me how to make macaroni & cheese.
there she was, cooking on Thanksgiving Day.
there she was. there she was. was. I hate the word was. I want it to be is.
I have many fond memories of my mother, but I have to be honest, I don’t want them to be memories. I want them to be now. I don’t cry as much about her dying as I used to. I am kind of in a phase where I don’t think about it if I don’t have to. Those stages of grief…..I’m not sure where I am.
But one thing I do know. I had a great mom. And memories out of the blue are a blessing.