Sep 15

What You Don’t Know About Me

My life is, for the most part, an open book.  I don’t have much to hide that I don’t speak or write about.  Not that I tell all, I don’t. There are some private matters!  But one thing that has plagued me for the past year, is something I’ve never written about or spoken about publicly.  It’s embarrassing.  It’s ugly.  Some fear it’s contagious.  People pretend they don’t notice…or they say, “Ewww! What happened to you?”  I think it’s Psoriasis.

My mother had psoriasis.  She was treated for it for 40 years until she died last March, not from psoriasis however. She had lung cancer.  Funny, she always thought she would die from the medication she took for her psoriasis. In fact, her psoriasis was so bad, that she didn’t care if the medication was bad for her. If it cleared up her skin, she said it was worth it. That’s how bad it was.

What is psoriasis you ask?   “Psoriasis is a common skin condition that causes skin redness and irritation. Most persons with psoriasis have thick, red skin with flaky, silver-white patches called scales.”  Yes, that’s accurate. And I have it. It’s gross. It’s ugly.  Here is my foot:

Psorisis

I’m not sure how well you can see it, I took this pic with my phone. I know it’s small.  I have these scaly patches also on my arms, elbows, and legs.  Tonight I was showing all of them to my husband.  He said, “Mel, I hope you can have something done about it.”  :(    Me too honey.

I haven’t been to the dermatologist yet.  (What???? Why not????)  Well, truly, there have been more pressing issues.  This is a skin disease.  This past year, my mom has been dying.  My kids needed physical care by doctors.  I needed physical care by doctors.  The dermatologist was just not high on the list.  I’m in that boat with most of America who just can’t run off and pay for all the care we need. I needed to prioritize.  And until now, the scaly patches were just on my elbows. The foot and leg patches are newer.

You may wonder why I even write about this. It’s not for sympathy.  In fact it’s to tell you that I’m satisfied with myself even if I have these skin scaly patches forever. ( or at least I’m trying to tell myself that)  They are spreading. I don’t know how well they can be controlled. But like my daughter, Hayley Grace said to me tonight:

“Mama, doesn’t God say you are beautiful?”  Well, HG, I’m not sure He says that exactly.

“But doesn’t He say you are wonderfully made? Isn’t that beautiful? And aren’t you His princess?”  Yes, Hayley Grace that’s right. I am. And it is. And I am.

Don’t you just love how your own words come back to speak to you? (haunt you?)

I’m not sure what the doctor will say about my psoriasis. I know for my mom it was extremely difficult to find a doctor who would prescribe a medication that would get rid of the ugly patches completely.  The one medicine that worked wonders put her at risk for other things. The topical meds did nothing.  So, I don’t know.  I’m walking into darkness.

But I trust. Just like Hayley Grace said. God made me. He made me wonderfully. If that includes scaly skin patches, so be it. I trust Him.

Yea, some of you thought I was absolutely flawless didn’t you?  (hahahahahahaha okay, you can quit laughing now!)  But seriously, we all have our things we wish we didn’t, don’t we?

So now you know. I have a skin disease. It’s ugly and causes me to stand out.  And guess what else?  I have 2 stuck together toes on each foot. Really I do.  Now you know.

Melissa

Comments

  1. Your daughter is so sweet and soooooooooo right….You are beautiful! No matter what is wrong with your skin. God made you that way for a purpose…and He did it perfectly. Have a good rest of the week Melissa. Jennifer

  2. Thank-you, Melissa. I was just sitting here reading this with my 12 year old daughter. She struggles so much with the fact that she has 2 webbed toes. When she got to the end of your post, her eyes got big and she read it aloud. I hadn’t read it before and didn’t know that was coming. Anyway, just wanted you to know. Thanks for your help in boosting up my daughter!

    Tammy

  3. I am praying in the name and blood of Jesus right now over you Psoriasis! It says in His word that by His stripes WE ARE HEALED!!! I am so happy that you are comfortable with yourself and how God has created you but I am praying for complete healing, that the Blood of Christ runs through you and takes away the dry skin and red patched right now in the NAME OF JESUS!!! Jehovah Rapha come down right now with your healing touch and reclaim Melissa’s skin to wholeness.

    I love you girl…BE HEALED

  4. Girl – you, me and chapter 10.

    I pray your condition responds well to topical cream, clears and goes away.

    Meanwhile, your spirital complexion is looking quite radiant today.

    Love to you ~ Rachel

  5. I love me some Hayley Grace! What a wise, wise child. My husband has psoriasis as well. On dark skin, it looks even worse! White scales on dark chocolate skin? Not attractive at all. He’s using topical creams right now. I’ll add your condition to my prayer list.

  6. “The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.”

    Psalm 45:11 (NIV)

    Praying for you earnestly! ♥

  7. Patty Ellefson says:

    I have never met you in person and we live probably a couple thousand miles apart, but one thing is for sure. Your writings have touched my Heart! God has used you in a very strong way…to express His love to His women…Not one of us are perfect, Praise God! To you, dry red skin….guess what? God gave me the hair gene and facial hair! Oh goodness me…just so glad it is not on my back or my breast. I sit with a magnifying mirror each morning and expensive tweezers and aloe! I have tried the electrolysis and it became worse! I would love to try laser hair removal, but guess what- that costs $- my 12 year old son is playing in a select baseball club that travels for tournaments, so I choose to put my $ there for now! A prioritized investment :) I survived a surgery on my hip when I was 37 and a lifelong diagnosis, but I refuse to let that scar bother me, I don’t see it! I try to see what He see’s in me… and that’s all that counts! 1 Samuel 16:7
    But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
    What a beautiful face and heart He has blessed you with! Praise Him! Maranatha!

  8. Hey there!
    Definitely go to the dermatologist – when you have the means to do so. I go annually to get a basic skin check (this sun-loving girl has to watch out for the dreaded melanoma!). My boss has it and it was disgusting looking. He finally went and got something that has cleared it up toute suite. I have no idea what it is – I haven’t asked. I do know that you are not supposed to put scented lotions on it, as that will make it more irritated and worse.
    As a sun-loving girl yourself, just go….
    And yes, the wise HG (who really is AWESOME!) is correct once again…You are beautiful, inside and out! :)
    Love ya!

  9. Again, thank you for sharing the real you. Praying that you will find a physician who can help your condition!

  10. Thanks I needed this today and everyday because of my condition. Have a blessed day.

  11. Melissa, I don’t know much about psoriasis, but your transparency always uplifts, encourages or meets someone’s heart need, so you are God’s gal beautifully and wonderfully made allowing Him to speak through you and use you through your inward beauty and your outward struggles. I know you have ministered to my heart countless times. Maybe you need to schedule some time for you to take care of “you” and see what a dermatologist might offer. And by your being so honest, we now have the honor and privilege of lifting your prayer need to our Heavenly Father, the One and Only Great, Divine Physician.

    You always bless us and thank you for the opportunity to pray for you.

  12. Hi Melissa,

    Thanks for your honesty, i have a condition called Polycysticovarys and it causes hair growth in places where you dont want hair to grow, i get it on my breasts my back, tops of my arms and this is dark hair, it also grows on my neck and some on my face. It bothers me quite a bit, i cannot afford the treatment for it. I just try to remove the stuff of my neck and whatever else is visible when im dressed. I know im wonderfully made, i dont feel good about it wish i did. Please pray for that for me. Thank you and God bless

  13. Uncle Scott says:

    Melsa,

    If there is a problem with the insurance plan that covers us, please let me know about it. I haven’t had much of a need to deal with “doctor stuff,” but I’d certainly think that you should be able to get not only an opinion, but treatment, under our coverage.

    Please let me know if there are issues, and I’ll look into it!

    -Scott

    PS: I think your toes are cute!

  14. Melissa,
    I’ve been thinking about this post ever since I read it, and wanted to take some time to respond. Angel has is right when she said by His stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24). When Jesus redeemed us, he redeemed us not only from slavery, sin and death, he also redeemed us from poverty and sickness/disease. Galations 3:13 says Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law (Deut 28) for it is written cursed is every man who hangs on a tree. I love at the end of Deut it covers stuff that isn’t listed by saying all those diseases also that aren’t mentioned are also in there (my paraphrase).
    As you know, when Jesus was ministering on earth before his death and resurrection, he went about teaching and healing ALL who were oppressed of the devil. When the leper told Jesus He could heal him if it was His will, Jesus immediately answered, it’s My will, be healed. He also said he can only do what the Father does.
    I know we haven’t met personally, but I enjoy your postings, and sweet sister, God did not give you nor make you with psoriasis. In school the other day we had a discussion about the blood of Jesus, and the meaning of covenant, and the term Blood is thicker than water (what used to be said after cutting covenant). Jesus’ blood is enough to break any generational curse there is.
    Hayley Grace is right, you are beautiful and you are wonderfully made in His image.