My life is, for the most part, an open book. I don’t have much to hide that I don’t speak or write about. Not that I tell all, I don’t. There are some private matters! But one thing that has plagued me for the past year, is something I’ve never written about or spoken about publicly. It’s embarrassing. It’s ugly. Some fear it’s contagious. People pretend they don’t notice…or they say, “Ewww! What happened to you?” I think it’s Psoriasis.
My mother had psoriasis. She was treated for it for 40 years until she died last March, not from psoriasis however. She had lung cancer. Funny, she always thought she would die from the medication she took for her psoriasis. In fact, her psoriasis was so bad, that she didn’t care if the medication was bad for her. If it cleared up her skin, she said it was worth it. That’s how bad it was.
What is psoriasis you ask? “Psoriasis is a common skin condition that causes skin redness and irritation. Most persons with psoriasis have thick, red skin with flaky, silver-white patches called scales.” Yes, that’s accurate. And I have it. It’s gross. It’s ugly. Here is my foot:
I’m not sure how well you can see it, I took this pic with my phone. I know it’s small. I have these scaly patches also on my arms, elbows, and legs. Tonight I was showing all of them to my husband. He said, “Mel, I hope you can have something done about it.” Me too honey.
I haven’t been to the dermatologist yet. (What???? Why not????) Well, truly, there have been more pressing issues. This is a skin disease. This past year, my mom has been dying. My kids needed physical care by doctors. I needed physical care by doctors. The dermatologist was just not high on the list. I’m in that boat with most of America who just can’t run off and pay for all the care we need. I needed to prioritize. And until now, the scaly patches were just on my elbows. The foot and leg patches are newer.
You may wonder why I even write about this. It’s not for sympathy. In fact it’s to tell you that I’m satisfied with myself even if I have these skin scaly patches forever. ( or at least I’m trying to tell myself that) They are spreading. I don’t know how well they can be controlled. But like my daughter, Hayley Grace said to me tonight:
“Mama, doesn’t God say you are beautiful?” Well, HG, I’m not sure He says that exactly.
“But doesn’t He say you are wonderfully made? Isn’t that beautiful? And aren’t you His princess?” Yes, Hayley Grace that’s right. I am. And it is. And I am.
Don’t you just love how your own words come back to speak to you? (haunt you?)
I’m not sure what the doctor will say about my psoriasis. I know for my mom it was extremely difficult to find a doctor who would prescribe a medication that would get rid of the ugly patches completely. The one medicine that worked wonders put her at risk for other things. The topical meds did nothing. So, I don’t know. I’m walking into darkness.
But I trust. Just like Hayley Grace said. God made me. He made me wonderfully. If that includes scaly skin patches, so be it. I trust Him.
Yea, some of you thought I was absolutely flawless didn’t you? (hahahahahahaha okay, you can quit laughing now!) But seriously, we all have our things we wish we didn’t, don’t we?
So now you know. I have a skin disease. It’s ugly and causes me to stand out. And guess what else? I have 2 stuck together toes on each foot. Really I do. Now you know.