Sep 28

Sadness Happens When I Least Expect It

“Some people think that going through the losses or crises of life are the exceptional times,” says Dr. H. Norman Wright.  “I see it differently. I see the times of calm as the exceptions.  Life is really going through one loss after another, one crisis after another.”

That pretty much sums up my life, that’s for sure. It’s always something. For so long I just kept waiting for life to get simpler and have reduced stress and strife. Now I just accept life as it is and deal with it. I’m better prepared.  Don’t confuse this with being down in the dumps. I’m not.  With each crisis, there is a blessing. And hope is always alive. It’s just that life is not easy.

I’m reading through the book, Through a Season of Grief.  It is a series of devotions by Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard on grief.  I never wanted my daily devotions to deal with grief.  Ever. I still don’t.

With that said, this book has helped me to know that my grief is normal. My mom died a little over 6 months ago.  Let me just try to define my grief to you.

I feel like no one understands. No way they could.

I hurt. I’m in pain.

At times I feel overwhelmed. Like I can’t breathe. Tears come without invitation.

I never knew how bad I could hurt.

Some days are fine. Those are the days I choose not to think about it.

I didn’t just lose a person. I lost my encourager, my friend, the one who always loved me, the one who knew me so well, the shoulder I could cry on, the arms that embraced and comforted me, the one who cheered me up, the one who understood me, the one who rescued me, the one who was proud of me, the one who was always there for me, the one I could count on, and the one who made me feel special. My mother.

I’m not just grieving one. I’m grieving each one.

And sadness comes when I least expect it.

Melissa

Comments

  1. I’m sorry that you hurt so bad. You were truly blessed to be so close with your mother. :) <3 I know you will cherish the good times and have fond memories of her.

  2. Oh my friend…I hurt with you. So grateful for your open honest heart and for the tears you shed for your brave, sweet mother. You are so loved. Praying you know that to your beautiful core. Love you!!

  3. Melissa, I remember it all well as I read your posts on FB and your blogs! My heart broke for you then and still does. Hospice has been called in for my Mother and it is so heartbreaking to watch her wither way to nothing. I’m so sorry for you and I may not know how you feel, but I know that I will, soon.

  4. I’m so sorry, Melissa, that you still hurt so badly. (Although, I wouldn’t think it would subside so quickly.) I hope you know that I read with much enthusiasm and thoughfulness, taking in each article you write, in hopes that they might prepare me for dealing with my own personal family losses when they do occur. I also look at them especially today, as I just learned of the passing of a good friend’s father today. Hopefully your words will inspire me to say/do/pray the right things to her and for her.
    Love ya!

  5. Grief does hurt, but the freedom to grieve is such a wonderful gift from Above. Thank-you for sharing the intimacy of your grief with us so that more may embrace the grieving process for what it is……the pre-cursor to healing.

  6. Melissa, Im so sorry you are hurting so much, and my heart aches for your loss. I dont know why, but I actually dreamed about you last night. You were smiling and laughing and I remember thinking how beautiful you were. You have such a beautiful heart, and are simply a beautiful person inside and out. So even when you are sad, your joy shines through! I know God will walk you through these coming months, and that He is going to use your transparency to impact the hearts of many. Love you friend – praying for you – hope to see you soon. :)

  7. Praying for you today, Melissa. It’s been two years since we lost my mother in law, I still miss her, but much of the bite is gone and it’s easier than it was. I try not to think of losing my parents one day. Kelly, I’m praying for you, too! I can so relate to the sadness, though. I had a very early miscarriage in January. I grieved then, and thought I was in a good place with it all. However, my due date would have been this Saturday, October 2. I am so very sad for what might have been, but never will be. My husband just doesn’t “get it” and somehow this sadness is the loneliest place I’ve ever been.

  8. I understand how you are feeling. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. I look back at the past year, and it seemed it took months for me to feel somewhat normal. But I went through all the stages of grief. My mom was a christian, and that I am grateful for, but she was not a great encourager at all. She didn’t do a lot of cheering me on. It got where I had to set boundaries of what I shared, so I didn’t get put down.
    the past weekend was hard, as I remember all the stuff I did. I live 6 hours away, so I was called back home. I did make it, she was alive, but they had her medicated. I was in her room sleeping when she passed.
    Give your self time. All the first are the hardest.
    I am still having a little hard time. but regardless if we didn’t love that person, it would not hurt.
    But I know I will see her.
    A really good friend spent a good part of the day with me. So I would not be alone. Then two of my daughters took me to dinner to celebrate their mimi’s life. Even today, my friend that came over, called me.

  9. Carly (Stanwood, Wa) says:

    Melissa,
    I found your blog a little while back when you wrote “God’s will for me to Grieve” and it was amazing. I’ve been reading your posts ever since. I’m sitting here with tears flowing down my face after reading today’s entry. I am not exaggerating when I say, what you wrote today was literally word for word what I am experiencing daily. It’s like you know EXACTLY how I feel. My beautiful, precious, loving, wonderful mom, died May 5th (almost 5months now :(
    She was truly my best friend and everything I ever wanted in a mom. She showed me what it means to love. I am a better mother to my 4 kids because of her. I just ache to see her again. So, as sorry as I am for your loss, I am grateful that you write and share your life because it helps others! Just think, our moms have met! The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing she’s with Jesus and that I WILL see her again. God Bless you!

    Love,
    Carly (Stanwood, Washington)

  10. Melissa you are truly an amazing woman so honest so real. Thanks for showing me how to be a real woman of GOD. One that can share and know that we have support from each other and a loving Father that cares so much for you and those of us that read your stories. I am praying that you can take GODS joy our true strength that only comes from him,and claim it every single day. You are truly loved!

  11. Ann of KCity says:

    Melissa,
    I have been reading your blogs for about a year now, but never have left a post…although they nearly always speak right to my heart and give me pause as I consider what God is doing in your life and compare it to my own experiences. I know the loss of which you speak, as I had that sort of relationship with my grandmother. But the thought that hit me today from your post was the quote from Dr. Wright. Wow…that hit me between the eyes. That pretty much sums up how my life has been for the last 13 years and I know deep in my heart that I have been somewhat resentful of it.
    * a move leaving all my friends and security of 10 years…then
    *finding no close, like minded friend for 2 years..then
    * a husband’s severe depression for 4 years…then
    * father having severe cancer and uprooting my family to care for him….then
    * 15 hospital stays for my dad as he lived with us for 2 years and died..then
    * bitter betrayal by a dear dear dear friend…then
    * caring for my mom now in our home for 6 years who has cancer and severe dementia and who sometimes just isn’t nice at all!!
    * a husband who doesn’t understand me now, and no real support…then
    * a teen age son who left home and is wayward

    Where does it end? Many times these trials of ours overlap each other, when we think we just can’t emotionally bear any more. I too keep waiting for “reduced stress and strife” as you put it…to think that there won’t be a break truly sets me back. God is good and enables me, but I am weary and long for some happy carefree enduring days, and not just a “break” to return to the same….and then more. Praise God He listens to our despondency and loves us none the less, and calls us to trust Him and praise Him through it all. Hopefully on our better days, others our blessed by our positive example and we are being conformed to His image on the other side of it.