Mar 8

The Past Can Still Hurt…

But it doesn’t define me.

And I hope it doesn’t define you either.

Today on my friend Samantha’s blog, she is featuring me as her guest. She’s running a devotion I wrote over a year ago about my past sexual abuse and forgiveness.

While I have chosen to forgive my abuser and I have moved on, I can tell you that it still hurts. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Forgiveness doesn’t mean instant happiness. I so bad for that little girl (me) who was trapped and violated. Her life changed that day.  But I also know that God did redeem my pain. He has brought healing to me through Jesus. And he has used my story to bring healing to others struggling.

The past haunts many. They can’t move past who they were….what happened to them….or maybe what they did.  But oh my sweet sister, Jesus died for all that and by His wounds we are healed. And we have to live like it.

Check out Sam’s blog now. And if you struggle to define yourself by anything other than who you are in Christ, I hope you’ll join me in studying God’s Word together. God’s Word provides truth, hope, promises, and definition to our lives.

We are having such a great response to the next study, It’s No Secret, that I’ve moved the start date back a week to accommodate the orders. It will now begin March 27th.  Details here.  You are invited to join me.

Big Blessings to You!




  1. Selena M. says:


    I have no words…all I can say is I love you girl <3

    Selena M.

  2. I wish I could say that I don’t understand what you’re talking about here today, but I do. My story is a little different, but the feelings left on the soul are the same. It’s this weird see-saw effect that the victim of any sexual abuse feels ~ I have forgiven, but why are there moments I still feel sad or hurt? I was 19 when I was raped, 15 years ago, and the moment is still as real inside my head as it ever was. Maybe more now that I don’t try to push it down and just forget about it. I’ll share a verse here that made my soul swell with delight when I read it in hopes it will touch someone scanning through the comments ~ “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.'” (Isaiah 35:3-4) When I read those words, it gave me peace in knowing that God saw me, my fear, the way my abuser made me feel stupid and shamed and worthless, and that He can lift me out of that, and that He’ll take care of the abuser as well (I like the sound of the word “vengeance”). Like you said, Melissa, it doesn’t erase the moment from your story, but it enables you to use it to help others (which is exactly what I hope to do one day!). Blessings to you, Melissa! Thank you for sharing not only your story with us, but how God’s love and mercy have provided you a way out of Satan’s trap of shame!

  3. Breinny says:

    Precious Sister, I am so sorry you have had to live with this experience — it truly breaks my heart for you. But Jesus has revealed to us that even these darkest things can be used to reveal His light — and that’s just what you’ve done by sharing your story. You lift a light for His glory. Thank you for having the courage and faith in Him to do this — I know it’s not easy.
    I pray that as you continue to live out “Made To Crave” that God is showing you new and fresh ways to see yourself and to truly be gentle and loving with yourself. God is showing me how to move beyond the wounded little girl I once was and to become a woman who has REAL self-love (not someone who continues to self-medicate with wordly things)..and I can finally see myself just a little bit like Jesus sees me. It’s amazing and and so freeing!
    Love and truckloads of blessings to you, Sister!

  4. . I am so glad I found this blog and you group of wonderful new sisters. Tamara, I wrote down the verse you quoted – after I wiped the tears from my eyes. I needed to read that. It reminded my inner child she’s not alone. I also like the word “vengeance”.It is good to know those who abused me when I was 7 wont get away with it.
    Melissa thank you for sharing and the truths you have discovered as I am currently working on healing from sexual abuse which I suffered as a child. I may check out the study or devotional that you wrote, it might help me as well. Thank you

  5. Carissa D. Huffman says:

    I commented there, and here. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone, and that I am loved!

    I did sign up for the study today–the Lord provided a way for me to participate last time. he will do so again!

    Carissa in eastern Iowa

  6. Wow-thank you so much for sharing your story, Melissa. It’s so sad to find out it happened to someone else too, but I feel grateful not to be alone. I was molested by my dad and my mom did nothing to stop his behavior. I was a very frightened and lonely little girl. Just in the past few years I have been able to work through all the pain and anger and actually move to forgiveness. It is something that I had to do-turn it over to God-in order to feel any sense of closure. I had to give God all the pain, anger, fear, and hate and trust in Him to be healed. I know that I am forgiven and it is my duty to forgive my abusers, and I might have to do it many times a day as the memories come back, but I can now even pray that they will seek God’s forgiveness for their sins against me. It took a few years, couseling with a great Christian counselor and support from my dear husband and in-laws, but I can say it: I forgive you, please seek God’s forgiveness too.

    I have thoroughly enjoyed your MTC study am trying to find a way to join your next study. May God bless you in all your endevours!

  7. Oh MiMi!!! I love you so much and this just totally caught my attention going through my email. You mean the world to me. I’m praying for you during this time and I’m also praying that I can have the strength to do the same!

  8. Charlotte says:

    Melissa, as I read your story of abuse on your blog and on Fields of Gold, my heart literally broke for you. As I was reading I realized I was holding my breath in horror that such a tragic thing happened to you. And, now as I read the comments I see how many others have been abused at such young ages. God will vindicate each of you! Meanwhile, he gives each of you His love and His Holy Spirit to guide you into knowledge of His love.

    I will have to be honest and say that I can’t even begin to imagine what all of you ladies have dealt with in your recovery. I could only wish that I knew I would have the faith and strength that each of you have displayed to be able to forgive and forge forward, even with the memory in your minds daily.

    God bless you all dearly. This is one time where I can honestly say that God did take ashes and make TOTAL BEAUTY out of it. Your stories will help so many women in this world that feel alone, sad and confused. Know that God is using each of you mightly.

  9. Melissa, it was your very devotion that prompted me to write down my own story on my blog. I know it is no coincidence that today I reposted my testimony on my new blog :) I have rewrote and reworked some of it. The past can still hurt, but I am so glad that we have been set free and healed!

    Love, Brandee

  10. Sheila Carroll says:

    I honestly can’t relate to what you all went through.I am sorry that happen no one deserves that, know that jesus loves allof you. Keep letting God use you to touch so many lives. God Bless you all in Jesus name!