Have you ever thought, “I deserve better than this?” Better than this hum drum life….full of struggles…full of battles…always trying so hard…watching others move forward…watching others have it easier or better…maybe saying, “it’s just not fair.” Well I’ll be the first to confess, I have.
I have been pretty honest in my writing, life isn’t easy. Life isn’t always good. In fact, life can be hard BUT God is good. And it’s the God is good part that keeps me going.
Chapter 3 of It’s No Secret was about humility. A big part of humility for me is not comparing myself to others and feeling bitter or pity because I seem to come up with the short end of the stick. I have experienced jealousy in my life. I’ve wished my life were more like someone elses. I’ve been put on hold when I sincerely desired that God would use me for more. And I tried to fix it by doing more, being better, focusing on me and what I could do. No can do.
I love what Rachel writes on p. 66:
“Humility comes when we orient our attention on God and on helping others.”
And on p. 67:
“In helping our Sisters get ahead, rather that grasping for what we feel we deserve, we find a pleasure we missed with all our striving.”
And on p. 68:
“What freedom there is in not having to think constantly about ourselves! Not posturing and positioning or worrying that we might miss out on something valuable. What relief rests in not having to worry about how we present ourselves or how we’re perceived for the sake of popularity or upward mobility.”
WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. I wrote, “Thank you Rachel and God” below this in my INS book!
A year and a half ago, there was the need for me to step down off of the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team. I did not want to do this. There was fear that if I took a back seat in ministry, others would take my place and move ahead of me. (all selfish). I had to cancel events that were previously scheduled and give them to other speakers. My picture and bio were removed from the speaker page. I felt like a big part of who I was, was taken away. My initial thoughts were:
*What will people think?
*My team members (P31 sisters) will surpass me.
*I’ll be forgotten.
*People will think I’m not good enough.
*This position that has given me identity is being taken away.
*I deserve better than this.
Do you see that I was focused on what others would think? Do you know that the reason I needed to step down was because I was caring for my dying mother? I so wanted to be able to do it all. I didn’t want to face the fact that my mom was dying and I was having to give up something I loved doing. I feared losing my position in ministry even though there was something much greater for me to do. God did some big work on me during my year off.
Luke 14:11, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
I never understood this verse fully until I was forced to live it.
When your mom is dying, your eyes are opened and you realize that what you thought you wanted isn’t really what you wanted at all. At least that’s how it was for me. Caring for her, I forgot about me. I forgot about what others would think. I forgot that I might not be good enough. I trusted God. And I learned to humble myself.
I love this line on p. 69, “Meek sounds lowly and weak. But it’s not at all. It’s controlled strength. It’s power under restraint. It’s self-control.”
Since my mom passed away, I have turned my focus on building up others instead of worrying about myself. I’ve learned that it’s not about what I deserve, it’s about me serving. In fact, it’s one of the reasons this online Bible Study exists.
I have learned exactly what Rachel says on p. 71, “When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life He creates for me. When I cease trying to make a name for myself—competing, grasping, pushing my way to the top—His name emerges through the actions of my life.”
So, share with us, what have you learned? I’d love to hear how this study has spoken to you and learn from that. Has God revealed anything humbling to you? Have you had experiences where you feel you deserve better than this?
It’s No Secret has a way of unveiling divine truths that we really need to know. And God has a way of working in our lives in a way that no one else can.
I hope you are having a good week. And I hope the Lord is working powerfully in you through our Bible study.
Love and Blessings <3
Sponsor a Child
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
This study is tilling the soil of my heart so God can get in there and do good things.
Last night as I was reading, especially in light of Chapter 3, this struck me, and I feel called to share it…
“If we were humble, nothing could change us — neither praise nor discouragement.
If someone were to criticize us, we would not feel discouraged.
If someone would praise us, we also would not feel proud.”
– Mother Theresa
Words to live by…
Thank you Melissa – I feel like I need to read this everyday!
God Bless you!
Bernadette
I have not been able to get a book but I continue following along with you faithfully. I know that without the materials you share for this study I am ever so much more dependent on the Holy Spirit to show me what I need to chew on in Gods Word. Thanks for all the sentiments and commentary you keep posting on this subject. It’s no Secret study is confirming the information the Lord shares and helps me stay the course through the situation I am in. A new attitude is certainly a part of my spring wardrobe and It sure feels good. Thank you!
It has been 9 years since I left a job I truly loved at a local church. I left because the pastor did not like anything I tried to do – or me. It was very dicouraging at the time and has been a nightmare in so many ways none of which are worth mentioning. The hardest part is that I have not found another position in ministry. I was in a denominational church and no other pastor would hire me. I have had no success in finding another position eslewhere. I so want to work in ministry. I have a wonderful seminary education and years of experience.
Through this study a new light is burning in me. Stop striving for a life I create and find the life He creates. Wait for what the Lord wants me to do. That sounds much much better than striving and self pity.
Bless you Melissa. I love this study.
I love this chapter (but I have loved all of them so far!) I can say that I haven’t been the type of person to want to be at the top of anything, I don’t like the attention and I don’t like to compete with others either. So I considered myself a humble person. But then I read your posting. I never thought of being humble in the way I read today. I am the type of person you speak about in your blog, Melissa. I throw pity parties for myself, often. As a matter of fact, I was having one this morning before I read your post. In short, I am trying to quit smoking and haven’t been doing the best. So, I was in the car asking why God couldn’t just take this addiction away from me, why is it so hard, why does everything I do have to be a struggle, then I had a thought “What are the people at church gonna think of me if I can’t quit?”. A lot of people have told me, “Just ask God to take it away and He will.” Well, I have and it is still there. Don’t get me wrong, I am seeing some improvement but haven’t totally quit smoking yet. So your posting was a real eye opener for me. So, apparently I need to work on being more humble too. I have been worried about what people are gonna think of me and I haven’t accepted God’s healing. It may not be overnight, like I want, but it will come and He will get the glory! Thanks Melissa and Rachel for the book and study. It is so good to see what God is up to!
I think humility is something that has been a struggle for me over the past decade. Being a college drop-out after some tumultuous years in my 20′s, once I gave birth to my son, my husband and I decided it best and most reasonable for me to stay at home. I’ve often caught myself comparing my life to successful women ~ they do it all, they have their own identity, they get to go shopping and eat lunch in peace, they have a place in the world, etc, etc, and so on. Over the last couple of years, I have begun to realize why God has enabled me to be home with my children. It’s been tough, but I am coming to a place where I see myself as a success in terms of what is best for my life, not what is going on in every one else’s house. I still feel those twinges of insecurity from time to time, but they are fewer and farther in between now. This chapter spoke directly to me… how can I serve others outside of my home simply for the name of Christ. I love this chapter! I will probably re-read it several times. I don’t think we can ever perfect humility. When I “get it” in one area, I see another place where I can use some work. But I am still working!!!
Good Morning All! This study is coinsiding well with my life – funny how that works?! I just found out that I have to change my church membership – I am working as an hospice chaplain (a dream job in which I am sooo honored to be able to serve.) When we moved to this area 5 years ago, we joined a church that is a different denomination from which I was ordained. I love my church, as does my whole family. But in order to keep my “standing” the original denomination has told me I must join one of their churches in town. For two days I have been stamping my little-girl foot, pigtails flyin’! (insert whiney voice – ) “I don’t want to! You can’t make me!” And yet, through Made to Crave, and now INS, I pray for God’s will to be done in my life! We moved from the big city a few years ago, changing our lifestyle (husband now working for not-for-profit instead of corporate job!) and loving it “out here” in the wilds of a smaller city, where it is much easier to live a less competitive life, “using our extra time and energy to serve others”. p. 72
Well, I guess God just upped my stakes! New church. I was going to go to one of them Sunday, but now realize I need to visit both, and pray about which one I should join. No more making the committee wrong about what church I can belong to! “My goal (is) to trust Christ as my heavenly lawyer, and let Him exonerate me, or humble me, as He (sees) fit. I (am) willing to accept either outcome.” p. 88
At this point, if I am worshipping God, listening for God’s will in my life, which church I go to is more about where I can serve, than which one I like!
I haven’t received my book yet, but I am following along with the posts. I can’t wait to get the book. I know that I am going to love and learn from it.
I found this chapter to be very powerful, Like Bernadette mentioned I feel the need to read this chapter daily… It is tough to shift the focus on what God wants and helping others when the world we live in is constantly advertising self centered pleasure. I have been reading love dare and it speaks about applying this to marriage. To take the focus off what your needs are and focus on your spouses. Today in my quiet time I read Matthew 6 and the whole concept was not to be selfish or do things with selfish motives. I what I have to remind myself is not to be focused on my self and to trust God with what I need and not to make plans for my life but do the plans God has for me…I am loving this study..
I did not get the book but I love to read your blog so I have been following along. Now I think I should get the book and start reading it. 10 years ago I heard God telling me to work on humility. It is not a trait that comes easy to me but I did. When I have volunteered for something at church I felt God telling me to say, “What is the hardest job to fill, which job do you have trouble getting people to volunteer for?” Then I would say ,”Put me down for that.” I felt it was time for me not to be in the spotlight, that in THe Body of Christ I was to try and be a spleen or an appendix for a while, not a large, visible body part. Ya know what?? I got so much more out of ministry because I was finally doing it for God and not recognition. The first time I tried that I signed up for babysitting during our church’s VBS. Ugh, it was so diificult but I was going to be obedient to Jesus. The Lord rewarded me…ha, ha, my kids got strep by the 2nd day and I was off the hook for the week. I think Jesus knew I needed baby steps getting into this humility stuff but I was proud of myself for obeying the call of the Holy Spirit and doing the job in Jesus’s strength and not my own.
Thanks Melissa for being so honest. I was curious when I read your Facebook post last night, as to what you might be writing about today. Who could ever think less of you for doing what 99% of us do or think? You are helping us see where we need to change and submit. Thank you sweet sister…Oh, I sound like Lysa T now with that sweet sister stuff..LOL
This is most definately a chapter I will need to revisit over and over. Loving this study so far!!
This was eye opening for me especially the humbling myself part because I thought I was humble- but God showed me I wasn’t not fully. Can God use an embarrassing situation to show you something if everything else failed to get your attention? I now believe He can. I thought that I’d been in control of my life and body but over the last few months I learned I wasn’t and pretending I was was only hurting ( and farther embarrassing me. (I am allergic to dairy and msg) But anxiety took control and caused issues. Last night at my face to face support group I finally discovered and admitted I don’t have control and admitted God is the only one who did and it was time to trust – really trust him – and get rid of the “secret” I had been keeping.
At some point last night as I slept I felt as if a plug had been uncorked and stuff had drained. Today I feel amazing. talk about a diving truth I ( this woman) needed to know and learn.
Thank you for listening and thank you Melissa and Rachel for this study.
Melissa you were so describing me in your post today. “And I tried to fix it by doing more, being better, focusing on me and what I could do.” What got my attention and brought me to tears is pg 71 – ” It’s about God bringing forth the real you, setting you free from the slavery of your own vanity and pride.” and “It’s about becoming a God-made, rather than self-made woman.” and also “When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life He creates for me.” It’s about stopping and spending time at His feet to determine His ways for my life, not mine. Thanks so much for this study and to Rachel for sharing what God gave her.
Now I definitely know why we moved to the UK a year ago. My 87 yr old mum lives here and she get frailer by the day. I was resentful and fought hard not to move. Friends reminded me before the move, that God knows the plans He has for me. He indeed has plans and I wait patiently while spending time with mum. Chapter 3 in INS and your post today made me realize that there are many in this world that accept God’s will meekly and I will do the same. Thank you Melissa and you too Rachael.
Oh… Ohhhhh.. Oh. This was like a sword, splitting asunder my soul and spirit. Thank you for putting into these words. Two years ago, at my church’s New Year’s kickoff service, everyone was motivated to launch into a ministry. I felt like God was going to take me into a different direction – instead of an active, tangible ministry, God was going to teach me submission and humility. I couldn’t have been more correct. After one failed and one successful pregnancy, I have had to step out of my “ministries” that put me up front and kept me busy. Several times, I’ve tried to get involved in those again (singing in Worship Team, Choir or Praise Singers, Youth events, Young Married events), and it has fallen through every time. I see myself in your comments about stepping down from Proverbs 31 Speaking Ministries. I have experienced those same emotions about not being involved in AAAALL the areas where I was committed. I am learning submission and humility in not being in the spotlight. I am a mother of a 19 month old, as well as assistant to 10-12 year old mid-week class. Now I worship from my pew, if my son is calm enough to stay in the service. I am a wife, learning respect, honor and submission. Most weeks, we don’t get to hang out with all the friends we had pre-children. Even our friends with children seem to have faded away. Through it all, God is teaching me so much, and I am growing in ways I never would have even delved into had I stayed involved, active in events, out with the friends. Thank you for pinpointing this to me.
I will also need to read this chapter daily. “When I stop trying to creat a life for myself, I find the life he creates for me”, really spoke to me. I have recently been in contact with ex-husband. We have been divorced for 3 years. In that time he has come to the Lord. He is wanting to eventually get back together. He does want to take things slow. If we did it would be a big change for both of us. We are living in different states and someone would have to move and find a new job. Lots of changes. I’ve been praying about it. I want to do God’s will in this. That line just brought it to my mind again. Made me feel that I was doing right thing just keeping it in prayer. If it His will everything will work out somehow. Please keep it in your prayers for me. Thanks for this study.
Melissa, I’m not part of the study, but the title of your post grabbed my attention and I’m so glad I stopped by. Your words about stepping down from P31 hit home as I had the same thoughts this past November as God called me away from the leadership team of “Rise and Shine” – the group that had brought Renee and Lysa to Iowa the last two years. I struggled and didn’t understand and had the same selfish thoughts only to find out a month after He put this on my heart I’m expecting our 5th child. It’s all been a bit overwhelming, but like you say God has bigger things for us to do. And accepting HIS plan with humility is harder than we admit at times! This past week our guest pastor touched on how selfish we all truly are; hard to think about but something God wants us to do!! So thankful I stopped by and glad to know I’m not alone with this struggle. Praying each one of us will find the life He has created for us and be the one He had us to be!!
Blessings to you,
Jill
I confess that I have felt on certain occasions that I have deserved better, Praise God not very often. It is pride, but because of Christ, I dont get what I really deserve which is death due to my sins. We loose sight of the bigger picture. I learning to have a more thankful spirit. I already love to help others, and will continue to focus on that whether its my 82 yr old mother, my husband, step kids, grandkids, neighbors, or the people I work with. Eyes off me, and more on Christ and others………
Thank you, Rachel and Melissa-
Chapter 3 was powerful, but Melissa your blog nailed it for me! I too left a place and position where I was appreciated, respected and needed to return home with my teenage sons and daughter. I believe God called me back to my husband (working in his business) and being here much more for them- it seems so weird, but God keeps trying to give me peace about the decision. I need to accept it and do as you did- look for the greater good that He has to share with me. But wow! It is so hard to relinquish that control, and that sense of “pride” that comes with earning a paycheck and the appreciation that others can give. God has continually been laying the pride issue on my heart though so I have to believe that His plans will be sufficient for me while I follow His will- thank you for sharing where you have been- God used you to reinforce this wavering spirit of mine.
Hi Melissa (and everyone else)~
Thanks for your post, Melissa. I now share my Yahweh Sisterhood with you as well as the experience of caring for an ailing mother! I spent the last 8 months of my mom’s life caring for her with her Alzheimer’s (a cruel disease, to say the least). But I praise God, now, for those moments that we spent together, I cherish them.
I’m learning a great deal from this study. I wish there was a “like” button for these posts I’m reading today! Love them all!
What stands out for me the most, right now, is the discussion on pg. 62 about competitiveness. I never thought of myself as competitive; I’ve even said many times “Oh, I’m just not competitive, I don’t like that.” But as I read Rachel’s descriptions of things we do, the prideful things that make us “like that”, I was QUITE humbled! What I’m learning and focusing on are the things God IS doing in my heart…..NOT what I’m NOT doing.
Thanks, again, Melissa; I’m so thankful to have found this study!
Elle
Amen and Amen!! I cannot tell you how God has “Shown Up” for me over and over during this study. Melissa, I can so identify with your blog today and all I can say at this point is a big ‘Thank You’ for allowing yourself to be used by God to speak healing and truth into my life. Truly sometimes it is the knowing that someone you respect has struggled in the same area that just allows you to “breathe” again. Thanks!
I can’t remember where I heard this, but –
I heard a woman once say that whenever her dad was asked, “How are you today?” he would never answer with the typical “Just fine!” response. He always replied — “I’m better than I deserve to be!” If we could all keep that attitude, we would all stay in our rightful place. Whatever condition I find myself in today — it’s better than I deserve. Wonderful study, Melissa and Rachel! Chapter 3 is SO difficult for me! The “it’s all about me” attitude is at the core of every sin. Selfishness is my greatest enemy. If I could conquer this, many links in the chain of sin would be broken. This chapter is worth reading and re-reading. (I took a sneak peak at chapter 4 — it’s even better/tougher for me to deal with. God is putting before me things that need to be dealt with in my life. KK
Thanks Melissa! Yesterday I was having a pity party. I put on some Christian CD’s, got out my card box and started writing some cards to people that are struggling with issues. This took the focus off of me and onto God. What a difference in my life that made. I got so much more accomplished yesterday than I have in a long time. When I got up this morning, the first thing I thought of was what can I do for someone else today. I’m making and decorating some cupcakes for the single father across the street. It makes such a difference in my attitude when I stop thinking about me. Thanks for confirming this!!
Thank you for being so honest! I found myself reflecting back on this blog last night. I was having a conversation with my husband and a topic came up that usually bring up feeling of competitiveness. I was reminded how we should be promoting others instead I was tearing this person down with my words and thoughts. Thanks for letting God use you to speak to my heart when I needed a realignment.
Melissa~~
You are loved, treasured, admired and needed by ALL of us at P31!!!!! Your honest, vulnerable and Jesus-centered ways and words make me so grateful to have you in my life!!!!!!!!
Good morning!
Chapter 4 spoke louder to me immediately, but as I chew on both chapters (and your blog) I am seeing that they speak together quite clearly. I just had an instance where I battled with my pride (and having my way) and lost (quite miserably) last night at choir. When will I learn to just keep my big mouth shut? Well, I’m guessing it’s when my big mouth doesn’t need to be running away with me because Jesus is seated firmly in my heart and I am humbly grateful for His guidance. I am grateful that I’m a work in progress, but surely would like to be closer toward the finished product than I am!
Thank you again for this bible study, Melissa! It’s poking and prodding me in all the right (and sometimes ouchie) places
Leah
Hey, sistah! Thanks for being so real, so honest, so transparent. I just love your videos, especially with Haley Grace. That girl is going to go far.
This Jesus girl is getting so much out of the Bible study. What is that saying from MTC…I’ve got the powahhh.
Hope I used all the right words since English is my second language.
Love ya,
Tara
Being a retired ballet dancer, I lived in the world of comparison but honestly never realized it was my pride fuelling the engine. I have struggled with the comparison, coveting, and competing issue my whole life. I am the type of person that if there is not a word to put on it, I don’t understand. Well, God opened my eyes beyond belief after reading Chapter 3 and but a big fat PRIDE on my forehead. It was so freeing. I realized that even not dancing now, I have transferred that comparison/wanting to better than others, over to my life now. I would have anxiety about being around people I thought had better bodies, hair, careers, etc… WOW, embarassing. But my eyes have been opened and I am so thankful to God and to what God is doing through Rachel. This is my first on-line bible study and I know I was divinely led to be here. Thank you.
In chapter 4 I really related to Rachel’s statement, “While sticks and stones break bones, words warp minds. They wound souls. They can shatter one’s entire concept of self, God, or others. And a negative critique of a young girl’s figure? That can cause nuclear fallout.”
I think many of us can relate. In school I wasn’t put down because of my weight but because I was visually impaired. Kids started picking on me in elementary school and it continued up through high school. It started with kids in the neighborhood riding their bikes around me in a circle and not letting me pass or trying to trip me in school. In high school I was being called names by older students. In tenth grade I heard one girl call me a blind… She used a curse word. I carried those words with me for around twenty-three years before telling anyone about it and how it hurts. As an adult I’ve even had people say things to hurt me because I’m blind. As an adult I’ve even had my dad tell me I’m not as small as I was several years ago and I need to exercise to lose the weight. I suppose he’s trying to help me but the way he says it makes me feel bad and discouraged.
WOW. I just read every single post. Amazing. I could relate in some way to all of them; I don’t know if that means I’m a basket case or I’m “normal”! HA! I have always thought of myself as a humble person, but this week’s work has made me look at some competitiveness I’ve got going on in my evil little brain that I am sooooooo in denial about, and find quite pleasurable at times. I try to rise above it and push those thoughts away, but deep down, I have to admit that I get a little pleasure sometimes when I learn of a few other people’s misfortunes, or not (like the Jolene in the chptr). I find it quite challenging to deal with hypercritical adults—-get over yourself already, stop the school yard antics, grow up, etc. etc.!! I usually don’t respond or comment, but carry their hurtful words with me and often say to myself, “how could somebody do that?” or “”how could he/she say that? ” and I don’t necessarily mean comments directed at me, but perhaps at somebody else I love, for example. It’s all hurtful, regardless. I disappoint myself sometimes when I don’t ‘stand up and put them in their place.” I need to purge all those feelings and pray for guidance, and just pray for those people, and not judge them, but love them, regardless. How can you do that? That’s tough! Isn’t that enabling them? As you can see, these chapters have stirred the fires for spiritual growth. What a great book!!!
And btw—-I wanted to thank everyone who read my post last week and prayed…….it worked; miracles are happening. My husband has a project! WOW! Praise be to God!
This is a wonderful post. Your honesty ministers to my spirit. I am having a struggle now with having to loose myself and all the things that make me comfortable in my own home in order to take care of my father-in-law. I pray to find the same humility you shared about. I pray that I will move over and let God teach me all that he has for me in this time.
This INS study has been great! I love reading what all the others are sharing and learning from their experiences.
I AM BEHIND IN THE BIBLE STUDY TODAY I AM PUTTING THINGS IN ORDER TO CATCH UP. THE STATEMENT YOU MADE LAST WEEK ON THIS BLOG WHY ME????? STRUCK ME I TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT VERY THING WHEN I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN FROM WHAT THE DR THINKS IS FIBROMYLGIA. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME. IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THIS WAY. BUT I AM LEARNING SO MUCH . I AM LEANING ON GOD AND NOT MY OWN UNDERSTANDING. PRAISE GOD AT 66 YEARS YOUNG I CAN STILL LEARN. THANK YOU FOR SHARING BLESS YOU AND YOURS KAY