Aug 30

I Know and yet…I Still Doubt

She called me last week. Defeated. Annoyed. Frustrated.  “I can’t do this.  I don’t think I can.  I’m a screw up. Please don’t be disappointed in me. Are you mad at me?”

He came to me last night. Rejected. Broken hearted.  “She broke up with me. I really liked her too. I feel sad. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong?”

She called me from the waiting room this morning. Alone. Nervous.  “I’m scared. What if they find something they can’t fix? What if something bad is wrong? Or what if they don’t find anything and we never know what’s causing all this?”

He came in from football practice. Down. Angry. Deflated. “They pulled me off of defense. I was the captain. What if I don’t get playing time? This is my life. I’ve worked hard and they don’t notice what a difference I’m making. What if I never get my chance?”

I crawled in bed, the end of a long long week. Worried. Insecure. Invisible. Doubtful. “How can I handle all this? My heart is breaking for the things I cannot fix. I feel forgotten. I try to take care of everybody in my life…not doing such a good job at it though. I’m letting people down. I don’t feel validated, in fact what I do goes unnoticed. I’m not doing real good in any one area of life. Maybe just maybe my life isn’t going to get any better, then what? He told me I was not normal. Could that be true?”

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  I’m guessing, YES IT DOES!  Why? Because these are all real life examples of people filled with doubt and insecurity…both of which ARE NOT FROM GOD.  And if it’s not from God, then we cannot trust it.

How hard to understand that we can’t trust our own thoughts. After all, don’t we know ourselves better than anyone else?  Uh, kind of, but guess what?  Your enemy knows you pretty well too. He’s familiarized himself with your doubts and weaknesses and so that’s where he attacks.

This has to stop. It’s time we stop believing the lies that we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or valuable enough because we are.

God’s Word says:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.” ~Isaiah 43:1

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6

“He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.” ~Psalm 126:6

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~Joshua 1:9

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.” ~Exodus 14:13-14

Here’s the kicker for me…I KNOW ALL THIS! I totally know better. So, why is it so easy for me to get distracted and allow those doubts to take over? Oh, I get so mad at myself sometimes! But, because I do know the Truth, I am able to come back to it. Hopefully as I seek God’s Word daily, I will be quicker to remember what He says and not what my own thoughts dictate. My thoughts are often not in line with God’s Word. Only His Word can be fully trusted. I need that reminder everyday, many times a day.

I’m fortunate in the fact that words, specifically written words, are my #1 love language. If you want to love me in my love language, write me a letter. It blesses me more than anything else. I hold on to those special letters people have written me. They are in my Bible, on my wall, at my desk, in keepsake folders. I feel wrapped up, loved and safe when someone has written down something meaningful or encouraging to me. Maybe that’s why I love Facebook, Twitter, and blogging so much. It’s all words! And maybe that’s why my Bible is my most prized possession.  God’s Words, His Love Letter to me is everything. I don’t know what I’d do without it. And that’s where I am able to put out the doubt fire in my heart. “Doubt and hope cannot live in our hearts at the same time.” (Confident Heart)  So, when doubt creeps in, God’s Word pushes it out.

I’m unfortunate in the fact that words are my #1 love language. If you withhold them from me, I fill in the blanks….and it’s usually not good. You can use them in a negative way and you can guarantee to kill me. My heart is ruined by negative words. I am down and defeated more than anything else could do. Words can build me up or words can tear me down. I crumble and cower under defeating words.  So easy. So profound. I have to guard my heart with the Word of God or I am ruined. I need God’s Word to keep me in line…to keep me grounded…to keep me believing the Truth. To keep me confident.

Our next Online Bible Study begins September 18th. (yes the 18th..I know I keep messing that up…it’s the 18th!)   I invite you to join me and so many other wonderful ladies as we get together to learn, grow, study, encourage, and pray our way through A Confident Heart, by Renee Swope.

Y’all have a beautiful day!  And oh, yea, I almost forgot…MIRANDA WHITE. You won a conference call series. Send me your information: Melissa@MelissaTaylor.org.

Bye now!

(for those of you who receive this in your email, visit my actual blog to leave a comment and watch the video blog. Click here.

 

Melissa

Comments

  1. Linda Caulder says:

    Lack of confidence is such an issue for me! I am soooooo looking forward to this study, believing that it will be an encouragement to me and a tool for growth.

    • Linda,
      I’m glad you are doing the study with me! It WILL be an encouragement for you and all of us! Renee wrote this book from her heart. It’s raw, real, and so powerful. I think we are all ready to get rid of the doubt. I know I am.

  2. Melissa once again thanks for being so encouraging. I needed to hear that today all day long the bad thoughts of doubt and lack of confidence. I needed to have read and watched the vlog earlier than ten thirty at night,my day would have been a whole lot better. You were so awesome and had me fired up for GOD. Thanks for always taking time to do GODS will. LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!

  3. I, too, struggle with doubts & insecurity, at times. I think this next study is going to be a blessing in so many ways, and in so many lives!! Can’t wait for it to start! :)

  4. Melissa–

    I feel like I could have written this myself. Your words could easily be mine. Thank you for this and for reminding me not to believe the enemy. P.S. I’m a “words” girl too…I SO relate!

    • Michelle,
      Since you are a words girl too, rub this in your heart:

      “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with you right hand you save me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever–do not abandon the works of your hands.” ~ Psalm 138:7-8

      One of my very best almost life long friends sent me these verses this morning. Hope they bless you too <3

  5. CIndy Wilkinson says:

    Melissa,
    I could of sworn you were writing my fears and my doubt down….and YES, I also know the words that are TRUTH, that the Lord has given me. However, I still deal with the negative thoughts that the enemy seems to continue to throw my way!
    I am reading your book, “the Confident Heart” and am looking forward to taking this on-line Bible Study.
    Thank You so much for allowing GOD to use you in a MIGHTY way!
    Cindy

  6. melissa vorel says:

    Oh good grief…I am sitting here in tears. I feel like you crawled inside of my mind and heart to write those words. They have been my exact fears for so many months…years? Those negative words…I hear them every day. I have 4 beautiful children, and most days I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Intellectually, I know they need me, and in my mama’s heart I know that too. But the disrespect & greediness bred in our society comes spewing out of their mouths. They know God’s love, who Jesus is & Who saved them thru baptism. Do they live it? No. Do I? No.I listen to the lies & rely on meds instead of the Truth to pull me out of my latest funk. Does it work? Ummmm…no. Then why do I keep doing it?! If someone could tell me why…oh the peace it would bring, if I would let it. But a nonbelieving husband, and 3 of my 4 children choosing to follow their dad’s way instead of His Way…yep I think that’s where part of my faith-driven. Is.

    • Praying for you and your family Melissa! Don’t give up. Let’s band together and believe in God’s Word. I hope you will join me in the next online study. We have to keep hope in our lives.

      Much Love!

  7. Loved your new post, Melissa – – I have been one of those people filled with doubt and insecurity all my life. I am beginning to see now, that those things came from the abuse I endured as a child. A little self-confidence goes a long way in a heart that has not felt confident of much of anything over its’ lifetime… And I think it is easy to get distracted and let the doubts take over because it is the human thing to do. We probably have to re-train our minds to get them in-line with God automatically when something distracts us or makes us doubt.

    I also understand completely what you are saying about the written word. I have loved books since I was a kid and would spend hours at the library just looking at the different books. There is just something about having all those written words held between your two hands… Letter-writing has almost become a thing of the past, hasn’t it? Not very long after I came back to God a couple years ago, a good friend of mine sent me an e-mail with a prayer in it for me. I loved that idea. I printed the prayer out and read it several times over the next few weeks. In turn, I have sent prayers to other people that have asked me to pray for them over something… One friend, I have prayed with over the phone several times. Those are the most powerful words – those lifted to God – both in praise and petition.

    Thanks, Melissa, for all you do…….

  8. Melissa, thank you for this timely post and I CAN NOT wait for the next study, I so excited!!!

    I think I have signed up but not sure….lol

    • Veronica,
      I’m so glad you are studying with me again! This post was timely for me too lol! I keep re-reading to remind myself not to doubt!!!

      Love you girl!

  9. Judi Splint says:

    Thanks for your words this morning Melissa; both in print and in your video. To be encouraging, I KNOW I can change. The Lord has worked many miracles in my life since I have come to know Him. This doesn’t come without effort on my part though, which is something I have noticed many Christians don’t realize. You can pray all you want, and the Lord will answer and help you, but He requires our input; we must “kill off that flesh.” If there is no struggle or suffering on our part, there is no gain or growth. Right?
    I am excited about Renee’s study and have signed up for it. I have already begun to read her book ( I bought it as an ereader) and it is wonderful.
    I just know I can continue to build on my self worth; the Lord uses us to encourage one another. After all, I am and will be a work in progress until I am home with the Lord.

  10. Melissa,

    Your post “I Know and yet… I Still Doubt” is so beautifully written! God used those beautifully written words to bless my heart this morning:-)

    Your words this morning captivated and held my full attention and they made me shake my head in agreement, smile and cry as well!

    Please allow me to encourage you a bit more by telling you that your writing this morning has leaped off the blog page and become living concepts that danced around in my mind and heart! Girl, I’m praying for a moving and powerful anointing on my own budding joy of Words both written and spoken:-)

    The P31 woman is all about communication and being set aside for God’s purposes.

    That old model of being obsessed with perfection and moving around in a vicious cycle trying to obtain it… is so out dated and based on lies and doubts and fears regarding our God given identity and sense of worth.

    I confess, I lived in that place far too long and I so embrace the message God has given Renee in this book!

    Sometimes God does not give us a Word but instead makes us walk out HIS Word, such as HE has done with Renee Swope in “A Confident Heart”!

    Fear and doubt (as you stated) do not come from God but instead the enemy and anything belonging to his system.No-one likes being along not even the enemy. So he desires some company in his miserable world. Remember, the old saying ” misery loves company”?

    The enemy lost his job in heaven when he rebelled and “us” as his replacement was brought in! So, just let us remember that God expressly created man and woman to worship HIM and for daily communion:-)

  11. Just found this page, so excited to start this study..I’ve struggled the last year so I’m looking forward to picking myself up and moving on, already took the first step which is always the hardest, but feel God’s hand leading so I know things will get better :)

  12. You have such a way with words Melissa! I’m all signed up for the study & I’m ready too. I want to stop letting the doubts & fears take over. This study will be one more tool for me to use in overcoming my strongholds of doubt & insecurity. I’m ready to dump those!

  13. Carol Bruntlett says:

    Well first all can’t wait to study with you again, second of you are beautiful inside and out. Third is this is just what I needed to hear because I struggle with those doubts all the time , God and I are working on them together and I cannot wait for Sept 18 th to start another Bible Study and to stay in His word and thank you for holding us accountable I know I did not come by your blog by mistake when we did the Hidden Joy study somehow thru this crazy Internet God has had our paths cross and I pray that God would bless you and your family . I thank God that you are faithful to the calling He has placed on your life.
    Thank You Melissa
    Carol

  14. Michele Caséca says:

    Hi dear Melissa,

    Your words are really encouraging. I have struggled with insecurity my entire life. Feelings like “I’ll never be good enough for them” or “they don’t love me for who I am” or “my friends don’t love me the way I would like them to love” have always been in my heart. And they were so strong that lead me to very wrong decisions in life.
    I’m in couseling and we are working on this.
    I’m looking forward to listening to God during this study :)

    You are so great Melissa. Thank you for everything.
    And I’m so excited to conect with Steph, Heather and Christi as well!

    Blessings,
    Mi Caséca

  15. Why do tears always make me feel so weak. I DO BELIEVE!!!! I pray I can change and be a strong confident woman. Thanks Melissa for your caring heart and making me feel like you are talking directly to me as my friend.

  16. Melissa it is so good to hear your sweet, fun voice again- you are a blessing to all of us! I pray for you as this new study begins. May our wonderful God fill you with courage, wisdom, and insight as you lead us and may we receive His message and truth. I am so thankful when Sisters in Christ come together to study and praise!

  17. Lisa Taylor says:

    Melissa, I so needed to hear your words this morning, as I started reading your e-mail, I truely thought you had gotten in my head, and knew what I was feeling…Lately I feel so old and insecure and so full of doubt….I am signed up for the bible study and I am looking forward to it getting started….Thank you so much for all you do for all of us out here in cyberland…..I know I am not alone in the dounts and insecurities, it helps knowing I have someone out there that has been through it and is surviving it all……Thanks again and please pray for me, I need that so much today….Lisa

    • Lisa,
      Barely surviving it seems, but yes surviving…and so are you! So glad we will be doing A Confident Heart together! I already prayed for you!
      Love,
      Melissa

  18. I absolutely believe that God is my Rock and Salvation, the only One worthy of my praise. He is capable of doing more than I could ever ask for, imagine, or comprehend. My doubts creep in when I look at all God has given me to do and I doubt that I will be able to get it done to the best of my abilities simply because of the enormity of it all. I have to continually lay aside those doubts and trust that He will provide what is needed to bring everything to completion. People say that God will only give us what we can handle and there are many times I look up to God and ask Him why on earth He trusts me with so much! He always looks at me ans says, “Because I know what gifts and talents I gave you and I expect you to use them to their full extent. Trust in Me, I am Your strength. Call on Me when You need help, I know what You need and I will provide so that I will be glorified in the work I have given You.”

    Right now I am re-learning how to be a squeaky wheel!! It’s only the squeaky wheel that gets oiled and if I don’t take responsibility and keep asking people to help…then I’ll never get the help I need! Lord knows they can’t read my mind to know how they can help. So with my sisters praying for me, I will work each day as hard as I can, trusting that God has already given me what is needed to glorify His Holy and Precious Name!

    Thank you for this amazing post Melissa, I so needed it today in more ways than you can imagine! (Sorry for the long comment :P).

    Love,
    Heather Bleier

  19. Thank you sooo much for these words of encouragement!!! I have been searching a long time for God’s help in this “trouble” area in my life! I can’t wait to get Renee’s book!

  20. I sincerely thank you for writing this! I feel God’s call on my life to help those around me and the amount of people He has placed on my doorstep is overwhelming. My uhsband works alot leaving me as basically a single mother of our two girls from spring til winter, we recently added a single mom and her daughter to our household, and one of our employees and his girlsfriend seem to cause nothing but drama for us.
    I’m tired, frustrated, and feel very defeated! I know the calling on my life is a difficult one, and I expect it to get more difficult if the path He has led me to believe will be mine comes to pass.
    I know all the truths God has for me, to hold me, help me, carry me and love me, but when all the tasks He has set before me seem to overtake me, I’m glad I know He is still there! Not relying on my own strength and understanding has been a major issue, but He is bringing me out of that!
    Thank you for this encouraging post this morning! By following His lead on your life, you have blessed me and many more I’m sure!
    Blessings Sister!

  21. Boy could I relate to today’s devotional. This has been my life since I was a young girl. I’m so tired. I’m tired of the self-doubt, insecurity, feelings of insignificance, and just not loving myself. I know that the way I am living is not how God wants me to live. I’m just stuck in this perpetual cycle of defeat. The timing of Renee’s book “The Confident Heart” and your online Bible study of the book, couldn’t have come at a better time. I am signed up for the Bible study and am finally ready to kick these lifelong “friends” to the curb. Thank you for offering to take us on this journey.

  22. I’m signing up for the Bible study!!! I prayed this VERY morning for this EXACT study. Sometimes I am floored at just how direct God can be, I am so excited!!! Thank you so, so much!

  23. Oh, I am plagued by doubts. Thank you so much for reminding me that my doubts are defeated by the truth of God’s word. I hope I can join you for the bible study of “A Confident Heart”.

  24. thank you so much melissa that was awesome, God knew I needed this taody .. my love language is words everything you wrote is how i feel … thank you for sharing I am truly encouraged by this post ! God is good and I know he loves me .boy do i struggle with self doubt and insecurity but its believing and trusting God ‘s love and his thoughts towards me and his word. hugs geri

  25. Thank you, this is exactly me! I’m a words girl too so people can kill me right away with mean words and they do. Sadly, those mean words are the ones I let linger, torture, and sink in. I have to make myself replay a different tape. Hopefully I can get in on this bible study. I have the book already and I need to go through it again :)

    Blessings,
    Mel
    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

  26. Just told my husband I’m done. I want out….. Tired of trying,

  27. Patty Puckett says:

    “Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life.” I, too, hear best through the written word. Thank you for the beautiful words. I forget God communicates best to us through the written Word. Thank you for the reminder.

  28. I so love the title of your blog today. I’m excited to join your online study of “A Confident Heart”. I preordered a copy of the book, but it never came. I have been in contact with Teri at P31 resources to get another one sent out. I have never met her, but she was great to work with. I guess God is working on me already, because I doubted that I had ordered the book correctly. I pray God’s blessing today for all who are reading your blog.

  29. Oh Melissa! I can sooooo relate to the “words” thing! I never really thought about that being my “love” language, but I guess it could be. I have ALWAYS found it easier to write things than to speak about them.

    I absolutely LOVED meeting Renee at She Speaks and can hardly wait to start the study with you and the others. God has already blessed me to be able to give three of Renee’s books away and I would love to be able to give another one away.

    LOVED your “vlog”, too, by the way – so nice to be able to put a face and voice with the name :)

    Looking forward to Sept EIGHTEENTH!!! LOL

    Love ya!

    • CAROL BRUNTLETT says:

      Whooo whooo go Kathryn I feel like we are old friends so happy to see you here you are awesome can’t wait.
      Carol

  30. Melissa,
    I am so so glad you are doing this study now. I have suffered from doubt since high school and I so need to finally release it. I know the path God has for me and I need confidence to go with that. I have also missed you and your faith energy also. I have also enjoyed your excitement in everything you do. I have joined the study, all I need now is a book as soon as I get the money. I cannot wait to get the book and get started!!! I need this in my life right now!
    Love you girl!!!
    Christy

  31. Melissa,
    Thank you for those words of inspirations. I have been struggling with self doubt and insecurities cause of circumstances, people and incidences in life to figure out that satin does try to creep in and use those things to make us feel less as a person. Words do hurt and Im guilty of saying things in anger that hurts others too. Ive learned to be slow to anger, slow to speak and slow to react. Thanks for your word of encouragement God has really spoken to me through you~God bless.

  32. KAY PARRISH says:

    SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK . I WAS CONCERNED FOR ALL P31 GIRLS WHILE HURRICANE IRENE WAS COMING THRU . THIS WAS A WONDERFUL BLOG.PLEASE PRAY FOR ME ABOUT THE UPCOMING BIBLE STUDY. THERE ARE SOME OBSTALES KEEPING ME FROM SIGNING UP. I KNOW IF I AM TO DO THIS BIBLE STUDY HE WILL PROVIDE THE TIME. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS KAY

  33. Looking forward to the study!!!!!

  34. Thanks Melissa! I really needed this encouraging message. I’ve come back and read it multiple times since it was posted.

    God Bless,
    Laura

  35. Melissa…so I recognize my story up there…and my life verse…and I realized again what a blessing I have in you as a friend. And as I have shared before, what in the world is “normal” anyways…besides a setting on your dryer! Who want’s to be normal anyways!?!? You are so much more than “normal”. I would not choose the word normal for you…I would choose merciful, blessing, amazing, beautiful, friend, sister, mentor, prayer partner, shoulder to cry on, author, speaker, Jesus’ Princes!!!!!! But always so much more than NORMAL!!!! Love you girlfriend ALWAYS!!! :)

  36. I really needed to hear this!!! So many times I knew that God was going to show up and show out. I still was worried about everything. I have been through so much in the past few years and I am trying to become the mother, wife, friend,and daughter God wants me to be. Every time I have doubt about a situation, he is always there to let me know everything is going to be ok. Thanks so much for creating this wonderful blog. You post encouraging words right when I need them. May god bless you and your family.

  37. <3 you Melissa! Can't wait!

  38. I’m just reading this post this morning (9/8). I have been so overwhelmed with doubt and feeling burned out lately. I am looking forward to the upcoming Bible study. I feel pulled in so many directions and am not balancing it well at all. Why does this keep rearing its ugly head??????

  39. Looking forward to this Melissa, Thanks

  40. Yanna Westmoreland says:

    Yours my LORD is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor for everything in heaven and earth (even the internet) is Yours. Yours, my own heavenly Father, is the Kingdom and You are exalted as head abouve all. I Chronicles 29:11 I praise Him for His mighty works through Melissa’s blog and her desire to share the gospel throughout the world and to teach others to be more like Christ. Thank You Father for creating Melissa in our generation. In Jesus Name I praise and pray. Amen.