Sep 27

I Call Her Beautiful…She is Mine

She contacted me for prayer. She was broken. She had lost everything.  Partly due to circumstances beyond her control, but she had also contributed to the state her life was currently in.  She had done things she wasn’t proud of.  I won’t list them here…but you can.  Just fill in any blank….she probably did or experienced it.

She was born into a  life of unfairness.  Abuse. Neglect. Her mother chose her abuser over her.  Her very own daughter, which left her without a home or family at a very early age.

Neglect. Abandonment. Hurt. Shame. Unworthiness.  What else could she feel?

She became a survivor.  She learned to fight. And fight off.  People leaving her and treating her poorly became the norm. She was tough. Almost too tough. The exterior she had built around her fragile heart was thick. Didn’t let many in to see the sensitive side, the heart that truly just wanted to be loved, accepted, and secure.

Until one day.  The Lord had enough.  He brought this beautiful girl to a place she had to face Him. He pursued her. He put people in her life that believed in her…didn’t give up on her…loved her.  She had no choice. Isaiah 43:1.

Sometimes people need to know someone believes in them before they can believe in themselves or even in God. Lysa believed in her. I believed in her. Stephanie believed in her. Amy. Then Sam. Nicki. Katie. Denise. And now she believes in herself…or at least she’s getting there.

She decided to try to trust. She accepted Christ…unsure.  “Maybe just maybe I’ll give Him a chance”, she thought…”but what if He leaves me too?  What if I disappoint Him too?”  “Never could that happen,” I reassured her.

And it hasn’t.  Has life gotten easier for this girl?  No it hasn’t.  Have the problems faded?  No they haven’t. Does she have a new security and love that will never leave or abandon her?  Yes she does.

The world may call her certain names.  But God….God calls her beautiful.  No Matter What. He calls her fearfully and wonderfully made. He calls her His child.  He calls her His. With Him she has a Father. With Him she has a Love like no other. God is love and that love belongs to her and no one can take that away. Not from her, not from you, not from me. We got it.

Sweet friends, there are many who will keep a record of our wrongs, label us by our actions, and make us feel unworthy. KNOW THAT GOD WOULD NEVER DO THIS!  EVER!!!  He loves us unconditionally and unfailingly.  Our security and value must come from Him and Him alone, others will let us down…no matter how well meaning they may be.  And this can and will cause extreme doubt if we believe it.  It is of the utmost importance that we seek and stay in God’s Word DAILY so that we are in tune with what He says about us, not what anyone else says about us. No matter how long we have believed the lies, God’s truth can transform our hearts and minds. SomeOne believes in you my sweet friend…His name is Jesus.

Maybe you wonder if an online Bible study can help you?  Well the girl who happens to be the main character of this post, she started as an online Bible study participant here on this blog.  Here she found love. She found value. She found acceptance. She found courage. She found hope. She found Jesus. She found people believed in her. She even found a  new “family”…a mama and some sisters who promised to never leave her.  And her life is changed forever.

Remove doubt, insert the truth of God’s promises.  Remove hurt, insert stability.  Remove insecurity, insert contentment. Remove fear, insert security. Remove bitterness, insert love. Break down the walls with faith and trust. God is able. With Him anything is possible.  Believe this for yourself.  I promise if He can do it for this beautiful child of God, He can do it for you.

Never stop trusting or believing. Ever. God is usually up to something big at the very moment we decide to quit. You are worthy. You are loved. You are accepted. You are forgiven. You are worth fighting for. You are beautiful.

Let the world think whatever they want to think, but as for the Lord, well he’s saying, “I call her beautiful…..why?  Because she is mine.”

Isaiah 43:1,  “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

LeAnne Bell…You are the winner from the last post!!! You won the  book His Princess, Love  From Your King.  Email me your address so I can send you your prize!  Melissa@MelissaTaylor.org .  Our Conference Call series begins tomorrow. The message is one you will not want to miss, Love That Lasts, and our special guest is the beautiful Sheri Rose Shepherd.  I am still pinching myself to believe she is really going to be on our first call!  What an honor!  It’s not too late to purchase and sign up for these calls and remember, you don’t have to be on the call live, each call will be recorded…and you love our new recording system!  $15 for all 4 calls.

Much Love to you all and never ever forget how much you are loved and how beautiful you are to God.  Say this outloud today, “God calls me beautiful, I am His.”

Melissa

Comments

  1. This is an encouraging word. I’ve been that girl and hope to become the women that will never stop trusting or believing…..God calls me beautiful! :)

    • Andrea Regmi says:

      Dear Lori,
      Amen sister! You are that beautiful women and you will continue to be. Much love to you!
      Andrea

  2. Wow, absolutely love this post!!!!

  3. What an encouraging word. That girl you described was exactly me & now being transformed by our almighty Jesus. Thank you for sharing this post & being real & honest. It sure us comforting to know that there are survivors that are thriving & living a victorious life in Christ Jesus.

  4. Thank you Melissa, I really needed to hear those reassurances again this morning. Seems like my mornings ~ the hours from 4-6 a.m. that I set aside for just me and the LORD have been bombarded lately with lies, heaviness in my heart and old thoughts running through my head. I haven’t had a morning in over a week were I came away feeling connected to Jesus. So I start blaming myself for that, thank you for this message!

    and btw, LOVE your new blog picture :)

    • Veronica, No blaming yourself. You’re great & you’ve come a long way. You’ve taken on some new things in your life, it’s no wonder that the devil is attacking your quiet time. He knows your growing & also helping others to grow.

      • Veronica, not only are you beautiful to Him, but you are beautiful to me, too!! <3 U Girl!!

        Melissa, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you've been reading my personal journal!! What a beautiful message!!!!!

        LOVE the new profile pic!!

  5. Great post Melissa, just what I needed to hear this morning. Tuesday nights are always hard after counseling each week. A lot of times they leave me feeling pretty defeated & just not in a good place. I’m going to remember this… “God calls me beautiful, I am His.”

  6. Thank you for that beautiful message! May we ALL believe it and live it in trust and faith.

  7. Beautiful! We are loved….imperfections and all..no matter what! God is gracious, faithful , and good.

  8. “Never stop trusting or believing. Ever. God is usually up to something big at the very moment we decide to quit. You are worthy. You are loved. You are accepted. You are forgiven. You are worth fighting for. You are beautiful.”

    So many days I feel unworthy, unloved, and rejected. I believe Christians are under attack right now and we need all the cheerleaders we can get to finish this marathon. I may be crawling right now but this study is giving me the strength to keep moving and helping get back into a standing position. I need someone to fight for me because no one ever has. I guess they did not love em enough to fight. But Jesus has. He has fought for me and loved me enough to die on the cross for me. Thank you Jesus for your love and for your promises.

  9. Michele Caséca says:

    “There are many who will keep a record of our wrongs, label us by our actions, and make us feel unworthy. KNOW THAT GOD WOULD NEVER DO THIS! EVER!!!”

    Melissa, thank you for bringing this truth to my heart. I really needed to read this.
    This beautiful woman from the post is finally living the life God had planned for her! She has found everything she needed in HIM. Her story is really inspiring, simply because it shows, one more time, God’s unconditional love for his children.
    Her story blessed me: She IS definitely beautiful and definitely HIS.

    Love…

  10. In tears this morning Melissa. Praise God for this message. For His Word and His unfailing love. What you wrote below impacted me so hard:

    “KNOW THAT GOD WOULD NEVER DO THIS! EVER!!! He loves us unconditionally and unfailingly. Our security and value must come from Him and Him alone, others will let us down…no matter how well meaning they may be. And this can and will cause extreme doubt if we believe it. It is of the utmost importance that we seek and stay in God’s Word DAILY so that we are in tune with what He says about us, not what anyone else says about us. No matter how long we have believed the lies, God’s truth can transform our hearts and minds. SomeOne believes in you my sweet friend…His name is Jesus.”

    The enemy has been trying to tear me apart and destroy any esteem the Lord has built and I’ve been letting him, by rather than pressing into the Word, sitting back and feeling worthless and unloved and not good enough. But that is NOT the life my Savior died to give me. He has so much more for me. His Love will never reject me, never make me feel like I’m not good enough. His love never fails. I am pressing into His Word harder than ever knowing that He has a huge work to do in my heart, my mind, my life through this study and His Word and Love.

    Thank you Melissa, for always saying it just like we need to hear it.

    • First off, I wanted to thank Melissa for her post! Wow! Great truths! But Hope, when you said “But that is NOT the life my Savior died to give me” that struck such a cord for me, so thank you for that! It’s so easy to wallow in self-pity and low esteem but we were made for so much more than that! Why else would God send his only son to die for us!

      I love reading all of these posts and I am praying for each and everyone of you.
      Bless you sisters!
      -Laura N

  11. Wow What a post Melissa! Thank you! I have kept up with the study & reading but haven’t been able to comment.
    Life here turned upside down last week. My daughter who turned 5 on Tuesday started complaining of blurry/double vision. After talking with my husband & noting some other issues going on over the last couple of weeks we decided to take her to the doctor. The doctor is concerned about a possible tumor pressing on her Optic Nerve. We are in the middle of tests. The 1st 2 came back with good results. We have 2 more next week. Please be praying for comfort, peace, sleep & answers to what is going on with Caroline.
    I am loving this study!

    In His Calm,
    Mary

    • Barbara Cole says:

      Mary, I am praying for you and your family as God walks with you during these times of uncertainty awaiting a diagnosis. I have a 4 year old granddaughter named Caroline so I will definitely remember her name in my prayers.
      Heavenly Father, I pray that Mary, Caroline and their entire family will be comforted by You and will know Your perfect peace. Remind them that You will never leave or forsake them. Grant the medical team Your wisdom and help everyone to see and truly KNOW You as they experience Your power, love and grace. In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus. Amen!

    • Mary,
      I will be praying for Caroline and the rest of your family.

    • Praying for your family !!!!

    • Father God, we lift this precious child up to You Lord and ask for Your healing in both of her eyes Lord!! Jesus You have healed blind eyes, and I’m praying that you will heal these precious little eyes, too!! I plead the Blood of Jesus over this little girl, and By His STRIPES & the BLOOD You shed on Calvary, Lord, we thank You for the healing that is taking place now, in Your precious Name!! AMEN!

    • Mary,
      My prayers are with you and your precious family. I know how difficult it is when your children are facing illnesses beyond what you can “fix”. Trust in the Lord in all things and HE WILL TAKE CARE OF HER! Don’t be afraid to have your own support system. . . there are many sisters in Christ right here anytime you need to talk. God Bless You and Keep you in His care!

    • sheila coito says:

      i will pray too… very scary when our “baby” is in limbo. Please keep us updated and just KNOW that all of this is to glorify God. And remember that He would never give you more than He is prepared to help you handle…. These two things (well, mostly the second,lol) get me thru some pretty ugly days w my ill 3 year old:) Blessings!

  12. I loved this post, because it so describes me, but prayerfully through this study it won’t be me for long! Thank you so much Melissa for this Bible Study!

  13. Melissa, Beautifully written. I have been this girl. I recognize this girl in others around me. I can’t help but sing Mark Schultz Broken and Beautiful http://youtu.be/XpbdK0q-FyY and MercyMe Beautiful http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7GGY7LNX Blessings to All!

  14. Yanna Westmoreland says:

    I am certain I am not the only one with tears in her eyes Melissa, thank you. How I needed to hear this serveral years ago when I was at my lowest of lows. Thankfully Thankfully Jesus had enough. It is what I cling to now that God loves me nothing else matters nothing will ever seperate me from His love ever. Romans 8:38-39. It is amazing how a blog post, can bring a flood of memories and a “well-spring” (thank you Sam) of hope. There is a peace that passes all understanding when we put our hearts into His hands. I want to give a special hug to women on this blog that show God’s love to those like me who so need(ed) the questions in their head solved and you are willing to share the Answer.

  15. Wow… isn’t it amazing how someone else’s story can so mirror your own and it’s not just this story, it’s sooooooo many stories of women I am becoming familiar with. So glad I am here and I am with you group of ladies studying His word and becoming closer with Him. Yay God!

  16. Kayla Turner says:

    Love the post! Thank you for sharing! I was just reading this morning also about how thoughts effect emotions and so forth and by planting ourselves and filling our mind w/positive things and God’s word! It’s amazing how God works and uses other resources together to get something across to us! I am beautifully and uniquely made by God and he has engraved me in the palms of his hands! Memorizing scripture is something i have struggled w/but knew i needed to work at. So i thank you for including in this study a verse to memorize each week! Thank you for the challenge and sharing w/us a way of learning and improving ourselves w/our precious Lord!
    Have a blessed day!

  17. Mary from TX says:

    What a powerful post. I just finished chapter 2 and, like most everyone else, have tissues in hand. It really touched my heart. It is often difficult to reach in to childhood memories (not because they were bad, they just don’t seem to be there). Things always come down to trust don’t they?

    Loving this study. It is forcing me to slow down, reach back in there and pull things out.

    God is love,a nd he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. 1John 4:16

  18. Here are my answers for Q’s 1-4. Trying to figure out where to post them , but I really don’t see an appropriate place! :) So here they are:
    God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him (her). 1 John 4:16
    Ch. 2
    Q. 1
    Think back to your first childhood memory of God. Describe your image of him growing up: I guess I always knew God was loving and accepting. My mom took me to Sunday school at the Lutheran church enough for me to have been told and to have an image of him as an open-armed God who loved everyone, no matter who they were or what they looked like. So, I remember God being accepting and loving. However, somewhere along the line I know I believed that he would let Satan get to me. I have no idea why I thought this or where I got that thinking, but I remember thinking that Satan had gotten to me and I was no longer with God at times when I would do something bad or make a bad choice.

    Q2.
    How does your childhood perception of God compare to what you see in Christ through his interaction with Sam? List the similarities and differences. It is very similar except for the last part about how I felt somehow abandoned by Him. I always knew somehow that he was accepting and loving, as he was with Sam. But I guess sometimes I felt like I had done something so wrong that he wouldn’t love me anymore. I think that the God I had imagined was much like my own father, who I felt wanted me to be perfect and never fail or do anything “bad”. I always felt as if my own father would disown me or not love me if I failed to be his perfect little girl and somehow I had equated that with the love of God. But I also knew I think deep down inside that this was incorrect …. (as you can probably guess it was very much incorrect on both counts). So, eventually I figured out… if my dad doesn’t like something I do, he just doesn’t like something I do, he still loves me. And eventually I figured out the same thing about God… but it took years and maturity and it has taken me so much growth and understanding to get to the point today where I want a RELATIONSHIP with God through Jesus and I KNOW he wants that too! So, like Sam, I felt ashamed of myself and unworthy like I think she did and I felt that He would not want me to be his child. But I think unlike Sam, I at least knew Him and knew that he was loving and accepting and had some trust in the God that I had been introduced to.

    Q3.
    Do you ever feel like you are the only one who struggles with insecurity or doubt? Why or why not? I do feel like this… but rarely. Most of the time I am well aware that most people have some insecurities or doubts. But there are times when I do feel alone and feel like no one understands. I feel like other people are “normal” and I’m some sort of freak show that is going on, on the side! But those are most definitely my darkest days and they are not the norm. Why do I feel this way when I do… because I’m obese. Obesity is a funny thing. It is an outward appearance that people do judge you for. I am thought to be less intelligent, less worthy, less of a person because of my appearance. This, I know in my heart of hearts is wrong. But, I have let it hold me back and have let the negativity sink in from time to time enough to keep me from enjoying life and living it the way I want to. Why do I not feel that way when I do not… because I am logical and I do know that not ALL people view me that way and that there are plenty of people out there who don’t care about my outward appearance… they love me for me. Just as God does.

    Q4.
    Jesus wants to create a safe place for you to be transparent with him where you can ask questions and be real about your desires, doubts, disappointments, and dreams. He knows you and wants you to really know Him. Is the thought of this kind of relationship with God comforting or uncomfortable, and why? There was a time, a very short time ago, when I would’ve answered this question completely differently. But that has all changed and I am now VERY comforted by the thought of being real with God. I know he wants me to be me and be real with Him and that is all I want. I want that up close and personal and real relationship with Him and it’s very comforting to know that that is all He wants too. I am comfortable revealing myself to Him because I know that even if I don’t, He knows all those darkest, deepest parts of me and just wants me to bring them to Him and share them with Him, so we can figure them out together.

    • Julie,

      I believe you were to write your answers in a journal or a notebook. That way you can go back over them at a later time to see how much work God is doing in your life.

    • Thank you for sharing Julie, I love seeing people post answers, it helps us to see that we aren’t so different after all and that we all have a lot of the same insecurities, thank you <3

      • Yes, a journal is a good place, but thanks for posting your answers here too. It allows us to see that we aren’t the only ones who struggle with what others think of us, and our own perception of what we think others are saying about us!

        In my eyes,You Are Beautiful!! Just the way you are!

        • Yep! Sorry about that… was under the impression we were to post them here! :) I do keep them in a journal as well.

  19. Mel~ YOU are beautiful! Thank you for seeing the potential in others and loving them so well. It’s an honor to walk beside you with our friend.

    Love you!
    Sambo

  20. Thank you, Melissa. This is such a wonderful post. Thank you for pouring out your heart and soul to your online Bible study “attendees.” I really think you should write a book…I have had two occasions this week where I felt God wanting me to tell you that! He truly is using you to reach others.

    Also, I am really glad you changed the profile picture for your blog. You are beautiful!

  21. Loved this! Thanks for the great start for my day!

  22. Thank you so much for sharing this story and yes, there are tears in my eyes, it has really touched my heart.
    I have been sharing some of the scriptures and living in security with some ladies at church. (we have been in another Bible study, but I had to share the book and some of things in it) At first no one would respond, but then all of sudden the next week ladies started telling their stories and opening their hearts up. One lady is a nurse and she told us, she sees women who have been abused alot of times. She sees the shame, the guilty, the hurt, and the feeling of being unworthy that women feel. Another lady shared how she had been abused and she needs our prayers. Before we left church, we were in tears.
    My mother had a father who was abusive, but I grew up with all those same feelings that an abused person does, although I am not sure how she felt, because she kept everything to herself and never talked about it. I felt lonely, worthless, like a failure, and etc., alot of what I felt was from my mother being negative toward me and I didn’t feel I could be good enough or measure up. Since I have read this book and also had some counselling, it has helped me tremendously. I still am working on some issues, but God is there to help me through. Depending on God is like releasing the hurt and pain. It is so comforting to know He understands and His promises lift you up. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

  23. Brenda Schiesser says:

    You don’t know what a blessing these words are as a reminder to me that no matter what……..my Mom not wanting me when I was born…….treating me and my two younger siblings like we were not worth the trouble it would take to teach us, parent us, nuture us……..she had used it all up on the first 4 kids……that God loves me. He allowed me to be born right where I was…..unwanted, unappreciated and in the way, and it was for a reason. He allowed me to endure the years of punishment from my Mom for a decision I made at 16 right up to when she passed away last year when I was 55 yrs old. He kept me going back to care for her even when she wasn’t nice to me…….pitted me against my sister-in-law, whom she favored and He held me while I stood and watched my Mom die. It was only a few years ago that I came to the realization that God wanted me here, He loves me, cares for me, provides for me and will never, ever abandon me. He is the only reason that I could keep going back for about 7 years to care for my Mom and it is He who places the love and forgiveness for her in my heart today. He has blessed me with a loving, Godly husband after going through a 13 year first marriage that was anything but loving. We will celebrate 26 years together next month. I have 3 beautiful children, a son and two daughters and 7 beautiful granddaughters. God placed me here because He loves me, He allowed me to endure all the pain of the first marriage and a Mom who told me she never wanted me so that He could bless me with everything I didn’t have. I totally adore my family and am totally in love with my Father.

  24. Like many others I’m sure, there parts of this that spoke directly to me. Thank you so much for posting it today. I’m waiting in a Starbucks parking lot until it’s time to return to my son’s apartment at college to take him for tests to attempt to determine the cause(s) of his tummy problem and weight loss. While that has nothing to do with the subject of this blog post, it’s the only reason I read it at a time when I could let it sink into my heart and spirit. One thing that really jumped out to me was the keeping records of wrongs. I don’t worry so much about others keeping records-I keep them well enough myself. If God doesn’t bother to do so, I guess I don’t need to, either. What a liberating thought! If only the application of it to life were as easy.

  25. Kathy Jo Dethrage says:

    This is such a beautiful and powerful post. God has given me the blessed opportunity to serve in the local jail ministry. I really think I want to stand up and read this to the inmates this week before we start our study on worry. If we can start to understand who we are to God and who He wants to be for us, we can grab hold of so much more He says to us in His Word. As Angela Thomas teaches in Do You Think I Am Beautiful, He is enthrawled with us.

  26. Tonya Elliott says:

    This was a post that is very close and dear to my heart. It spoke volumes of what has transpired in my own family’s life over the past 3 years. I thank you for sharing this post. Yes, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and jesus is the answer!

  27. When I feel saddened by life’s circumstance I remember that “I am the daughter of a King” and that makes me His princess. Helps me to remember I am always loved. Remember girls we are “the daughters of a King”.

  28. I so needed to hear this. I doubt myself often…..due to words of others. Being single, in your mid 30s…….often leads to unkind words & thoughts of others. I’m not where I wanted to be at this point, but it’s not about my timing…..as hard as that is to accept.

  29. It’s awesome to know I’m not the only one that struggles with these things! Probably if the truth were known, some of the women I see as so “mature and together” are just good fakers… lol

  30. Amen sister, Amen

  31. Melissa,
    Thank you for this beautiful post!
    “Remove hurt, insert stability. Remove insecurity, insert contentment. Remove fear, insert security. Remove bitterness, insert love. Break down the walls with faith and trust. God is able. ” I needed to read this today.
    In Jesus,
    Kimberly

  32. Amanda Romo says:

    I’ve been at a place in my life where I felt unloved. I felt ashamed of my past sins and angry at God, because I thought He had left me to make those choices. I now realize that He never left me and that He actually gave me many opportunities to walk away. I just chose to take that path. Despite the road I took He was still there all the way and at the fork to lead me in His direction.

  33. God calls me beautiful – I am His. Awesome! And from question 4, I LOVE the truth that God knows me better than I know myself, because I sure can’t figure myself out a lot of the time!

  34. Lana LaBarge says:

    Thank you melissa for this awesome post Today God asked me to replace love instead of anger. i choose to believe the post God calls me beautiful- i am His, i will wrap my heart around this , not just my head, songs today are about being held and loved and hugged. He is so kind and loving when i most need it. thank you for for sharing your life, i know i will be able to one day also without condemnation etc. all for Gods Glory

    g
    od calls be beautiful

  35. melissa I’m one who was given no love or compassion from my parents they rejected me I didnt matter I had a mother teaching me about God but allowing my father to abuse me and a father who had no reguard for me my father did things no father should have ever done to his daughter … and with being treated like that I followed a very lonely scary road and did things I’m very ashamed of I felt abandoned felt like there was no hope …. jesus was faithful he never left my side ,I had my husband who was with me who encouraged me supported me …. I have trust issues because my whole life I was hurt abused put down .. for me it was the norm. there was nothing to trust and fear rose in me everytime I tried to have a relationship … okay heres a poem I had written …. A Family who did’nt want you
    who did’nt care about you
    who did’nt want to hear you
    who would’nt accept you
    who pushed you away
    Insults, critizim, Judgements
    no love ,no compassion
    no protection
    Theres One who understands
    One who paid it all
    who took it all
    on a cross , placed there for a King
    The nails that were hammered
    in His hands
    He took the beatings
    the insults the jugdements
    they spit in His face
    took a rod and beat Him
    until He was unrecognizable
    ripped His hair off his face
    He bared The shame The guilt
    For You and I
    In His obeidence
    He Loved Us and said
    Father forgive them for
    they know not what
    they have done

  36. I needed to see this today. Growing up not feeling wanted or loved by my mom…it’s still hard for me at times to realize that God loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. I pray after this bible study..that we all draw closer to him.

  37. This post reminds me of the song “Saving Grace” by Point of Grace. Many of us know someone just like her, yet don’t always reach out in love. I work in a public school system and my husband is a police officer. . . in both of our lines of work, we see the damage that can be done at such a young age. I, personally, have made it a point (and my daily prayer) to “make a difference in someone’s world today”. . . so often it is simply by letting someone know that you care, even if we don’t understand all that they are going through. Remember this. . . “If we are the body, why aren’t His hands reaching?” . . . reach out to someone in need today and you too will be BLESSED!

  38. I have been dealing with doubt, insecurities, and low confidence since I was kid and as well as an adult. I cannot get my boyfriend or his mother to understand either. Plus when I tell his mom how I feel or feeling she laughs in my face so that bring more doubt and discouragement. I felt like and still feel like sometimes no matter hard I try or have tried I still fail at whatever I am doing. So thank you for this post today because I really needed to read that!

    • Olayinka Okunola says:

      Hi Michelle,

      People don’t understand how we feel, in fact they don’t want the burden of our doubts and insecurities but Jesus said ‘come unto me all ye who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest’. Go to Jesus with your doubt, insecurities, fears and discouragement and He will lift them off you and give you peace. I pray for you today that your confidence will grow in heaps and bounds and all those who laugh at you will begin to laugh with you. Amen

      Love
      Yinka

  39. It could be another post written about me. Although the main thing was something outside of my control…

    You said “She was born into a life of unfairness. Abuse. Neglect. Her mother chose her abuser over her. Her very own daughter, which left her without a home or family at a very early age.

    Neglect. Abandonment. Hurt. Shame. Unworthiness. What else could she feel?”

    I was born into a life of unfairness. I found out at 18, who my real father was, and that I was born as a product of incest…something that took my little self esteem away and made me feel unworthy, unwanted, unlovable, and like no man would ever want me.

    Then there was a situation when I was 9, where my stepfather exposed himself to me….when I finally told my mom, she left him for a month, and then she went back choosing him over me. I grew up feeling like I had to protect myself because no one else was going to. Now nothing else ever really happened, but until the day he died, I lived in fear of what might happen. He died the day before my 16th birthday. So I grew up mistrusting the adults to care for me, and not trusting men at all.

    Then only 2 years later I was told about my real dad, and I felt like I was lower than the scum of the earth. It took me years to get to where that didn’t totally define me, and it is still something that comes up in therapy from time to time.

    In 2005, I was diagnosed the depression and social anxiety disorder, and have battled that on and off since then…now they are thinking my primary diagnosis may be something else entirely. Due to the depression and not being able to keep jobs because of it in 2007, I ended up having to move back in with my mom, and our relationship has never been great, and she totally doesn’t understand mental illness. I lost my car, my apartment, and in a sense my very freedom, when I ended up moving back home. She is rather controlling and very critical, so it is hard to continue to be here. But I know that at some point I will be able to find a job that I can maintain for more than 6 months, so that I can regain independence.

    In 2006, I started attending church and I rededicated my life to God, (I was saved as a child at vacation bible school, but I was not raised in church), but I have been out of church for 9 months now, and I find that I am scared to go back because of what others must think of me for having been gone so long, and what they think of me for not following through with the plans that I had made, but things just didn’t work out. And I feel judged because I can’t keep a job. I know that God doesn’t care about those things, but I get so scared of what people will say that I find I am having a hard time getting myself to walk back through those doors.

    • Dear Deanna,

      My heart goes out to you. I’m sorry that you had such a hard life. Sorry that you have lost your independence, but you must look at this as an opportunity that God is giving you to forgive your mother and maybe work on a relationship with her despite her behavior to you in the past. I pray that the Hand of God will guide and protect you. I also pray that these spirits of depression will leave in the Name of Jesus. They have no right to be there. The Blood of Jesus covers you and He sent His Word to heal you of all sickness and diseases. So I pray that the mind that be in Christ also be in you.

      Regarding church, my sister that is just the enemy trying to isolate you. Please understand that we cannot grow alone but only in communittee. The longer it takes for you to get back to church, the harder it will be for you, the more the voices in your head will tell you that you are being talked about, judged, etc. To that I say, so what? Let them talk if they are talking. You are not there for them, you are there to worship God in a corporate gathering. Do not allow the enemy to keep you in isolation any longer. The first step back to church is the hardest, but it is necessary, especially in the season that we are in now as a Body. You need to go. I pray that God will give you the strength and the ability to go forth. Go forth in His strength my sister. You are loved.

      I love you,
      Michelle

      • Thanks Michelle. I was planning to try to go back Sunday. But now there is a chance that I may have other plans. I was going to attempt to go last night, but I had homework to get done for the Mental Health classes I was taking and didn’t make it. But I am trying to make the steps to go back….if I can manage to wake up early enough on Sunday, I may go for the early service.

    • dear deanna ,i can totally relate to you .deanna your not alone God loves you he knows your heart he knows where your at.allow him to work in your heart,you are dealing with fears and trust issues … deanna this is what God showed me he opened my eyes up to the truth the truth was becuase of the rejection the betrayal the lies the beating the insults the comdemnation ..i walked a lonely sad angry life and it took me to a bad road. deanna I was raped when i was around 5 i only remember a lil tiny bit but enough to know i was raped it took me over 30 yrs to relieze my cheek bone was cracked in half I don’t remember God does he knows .when i was 16 i was raped again and before that my uncle tried and when i was 7 a man took me in an alley but a lady that knew my mom stopped him .I have spent over 20 yrs searching for the truth and God finally gave me the last puzzle piece to end yrs of heartache. my father beat me burned me ripped me up off the floor by my hair shake my head by holding my hair in his hand kicked me between me legs my father made me clean and work for hours from the time i was 8 until i was 15 but after that it was off and on .. my father would have me go in dumpsters go through hundreds of trashbags walk the streets for soda cans ect. he didnt care weather I was tired hungry or sick or had my friend of the month i would hide in the crawl space until he left mind you that could be for hours it was dark and nothing but dirt he would make me go for hours working he would beat me inside of the dumpster because i didnt want to or was embarresed becuase kids my age would stand around and stare while i went through garbage he would throw the dirty diapers whatever there was at me if i wasnt going fast enough he would beat me inside the dumpster … he did that to me for 4 yrs. my father as a joke would rub a knife up and down my neck . my father tried to kill me so many times when drunk and sober .my father had me and my sibilings I was the oldest of 5 ripped us out of bed and put us against the wall in our kitchen and held a shot gun to my face and loaded and said he wished he never had us kids . my father had me work until i was so exhausted i couldnt keep my eyes open and he would yell at me to wake up…he would stand over me and watch everything idid and i was either punched kicked my hair ripped out or spit on if it wasnt the way he wanted it oh and he would throw stones tools at me . my father did so much to me in just about 19 yrs by the time i was 17 i couldnt function i could do anything it was as if someone ripped or sucked the life out of me .theres so much more to my story i wouldnt be able to write it all out here . i went counceling when i was 22 and I was a mess my counselor was a christian man and he betrayed me he minipulated me into becoming closer to him . when i was a little girl my father was doing all kinds of things to me the teachers in school were abusing me the kids at school and on the streets were abusive .the abuse went on for over 35 yrs .. today I,m free God is my savior he never left me he never forsaked me i asked jesus in my heart when i was 13 .I became a alcoholic by the time i was 16 and drank until i was 18 i cried out to God and he heard me but i thought it was over no it was just begining .. I didnt know how to trust God how could i . I couldnt trust anyone i was married and had a baby by the time i was 20 God put the right man in my life my husband is wonderful well i had went to three different counselors the last one sent me over the edge and at 25 i went back to drinking and i drank myself for 5 yrs straight left my husband and two boys .by the grace of God im still here from all of what happened growing up and when i moved out .and it didnt end there it took me up until now to see how AWESOME HOW WONDERFUL GOD IS !!! HIS LOVE FOR ME IS WONDERFUL ..deanna DONT GIVE UP DONT GIVE UP I LOVE YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU EVEN MORE .. after drinking commiting adultry the anger the bitterness the resentment the hate I had inside i went off on cops my life was going down when i tried for 5 yrs to kill myself it didnt work i even sceamed at God to take the breath i breath away well he said no im not finished with you yet . i went down i went on a up and down battle for yrs i just couldnt get it right just to see that God did love me and he paid the price on the cross … this is what im going to tell you God showed me it was my resenment towards my mother and father that kept me where I was and thats why i couldnt trust God my resentment was reflecting on anybody who acted the way my parents treated me . when i got married my mother continiually sabatoged my marriage but see i couldnt see it i was blinded she would degrade me critize me she tried to take everything away from me she did this my whole life and i couldnt see it .she used guilt and minipulation and fear from the time i was little .now i know the truth deanna this was so painful i cant even tell you what they have done to my life and then my brother and sisters were just as bad as my parents and my husbands family…. im going to stop here because I know God knew the plans he had for me ..God knows he loves you so much trust him he does not sit up in heaven looking down on you …. he loves you so much when we cry out to jesus he hears our crys when we just pour our hearts out he hears us .deanna i know how hard it is to walk back in church but those who truly love God are waiting for you to come back they are praying for you crying out on your behalf .. the enemy will do all he can to continue to lie to you to keep you out and away from God and from church .but God is greater more powerful God is the one who is incontrol …. deanna run to jesus he is waiting to wrap his loving arms around you and hold you in his loving arms and say I love you deanna and i missed you .for i know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you NOT TO HARM YOU plans of a hope and a future .jerimiah 29:11 he wants to take the ashes and turn them in for beauty . God is so good if he could take this weak broken fractured bruised beaten rebelious soul .give healing and mending and give me the strength the truth and continues to show me and my eyes are open today…he can do it for any of us …we can do all things through christ who strengthens us , greater is he who is in us than he who is in the world … .God has not giving us the spirit of fear but of power of love and a sound mind 2 timothy 1:7 ,If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and WILL forgive us of our sins .and cleanse us from all unrightousness 1john 1:9.. no weapon formed against us shall prosper .deanna God loves YOU !!! your a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart and sister God has wonderful plans for your life .Lord i pray that you would tare down the strong holds the lies ,heal and mend her .give her the strength to go back to church and to feel your love and compassion to know that you will not give her more than she can bear .watch over her protect her from the evil one ,lift her up and touch her heart .surround her with your angels wrap your loving arms around her In Jesus name amen Lord that you will get all the glory and honor !:)

      • Wow. Geri, your story is so…well amazing. It makes mine look small by comparison. But I get the point, and perhaps you are right, that I should look at resentments that I have. I am currently taking a class on Anger at the Mental Health Association and I am sure that will help as well. I thank you for sharing your story with me and for praying for me. I will try to get to church this weekend.

        But mostly I wanted to thank you for being so transparent. I know there is a purpose and a plan. I just am not sure what that is at this point.

        • deanna I love you ! your story is not small it is a moutain in your life I wanted you to see your not alone and others have gone through being rejected by thier parents .I feel one of the most painful things to go through is being unwanted by your parents .but we have a father a perfect father who loves us beyond what we can imagine …. his love so pure so kind his mercy his hope we have in him.And it is difficult to see because I know that being abused at a very young age is satens work to have us believe God has forsaken us but thats a lie or that God doesnt love us or that he has no compassion .God is love my father in heaven stayed with me all these yrs to show me he loved me he didnt forsake me that it was satens evil work he wants to blind us from the truth but God is gracious he loves us with an ever lasting love … thats why its very important to understand Gods love for us . I was blinded decieved but God has opened my eyes up and I see how much he loves me.but deanna im still healing and until the day i die he will coninue to heal us hes preparing us for his kingdom in heaven…deanna Im so happy for you that your going back to church ! I’m going back this sunday so we can both pray for eachother .those first steps back in are going to be our healing our joy .scary at first but I know God is with us !!!! your on the right road and God will bless you , one day you will see the plan your purpose in life he will show you in his perfect timing !resenment is one moutain standing in the way but God will guide us and lead us to a place of peace and rightousness …. look to jesus do me a favor deanna listen to david crowder band the song , how he loves … and listen to it over and over wow it is an awesome and amazing song .may God bless you and lift you up .thank you for being transparent thank you for sharing your story .God has great plans for you!! :) he is the king of kings and Lord of Lords ..and I give him praise for how awesome ,wonderful and how gracious he is .. thank you jesus for your love your mercy ,thank you for this bible study thank you for deanna ! In jesus precious name amen :) I love you deanna ! your sister in christ :)

  40. I ♥ your new picture. It looks just like you – beautiful!

  41. Melissa,

    I thank you for agreeing to pray for our friend… that step of faith on your behalf has brought to me one of the most beautiful and sincere friendships of my lifetime. I love that you are able to show our friend the love Jesus wants her to see… that people show up, don’t leave, and find her amazing. With all my heart, THANK YOU!

    Katie

  42. Oh Melissa what a wonderful post. I spent this morning and afternoon being tossed by waves and feeling crushed against rocks. I have spent so many years of my life hearing the relentless accusations of my past. I am trying so hard to see myself as God’s girl. Seeing that He loves me. Sometimes I believe it, but then others…well, I often feel that it is just too late. Thank you for today’s post. It really helped me through a rough spot. It also led me to read further into Isaiah 43. I felt as if today God wanted me to read this:
    When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
    Isaiah 43:2
    I will hold onto this verse with both hands as I continue to walk through this time. I know that God has good things in store for me. The road may be rough right now, but He is there with me.

    Thank you so much.

    PS Love your new picture too! :)

  43. I am this girl she wrote about. I just want to say first off, THANK YOU TO MELISSA “mom” for reaching out to me. Your love has changed my life in more ways than u could imagine.. Also, thank u Sam, katie, steph, Amy, denise, Nicki, lysa,and the many more who have invested in my life and prayed for me. Your love and support has kept me hanging on. Most importantly, thank you God, for not giving up on me and loving me enough to make me face u. Accepting Christ was the greatest moment of my life. This journey has been amazing.

    To everyone who reads this….. my “mom” told me this….”you have limitless potential. ” believe it. Always remember that the one thing someone may need the most is someone to believe in them, love them unconditionally, and pray for them continuously. Never put limits on what God can do…he may just shock u!! He has me!

  44. Thank you for doing this on line study!!! It helps me stay connected and accountable even if it is just through a computer. I love that you reminded me that He loves me unconditionally and unfailing! I struggle so much with the basic fact that His grace is sufficent for me. And when I struggle with that all the doubts creep in…and the spiral begins! May God continue to work through you to help me grow in Him.
    God Bless,
    Angela

  45. God is pouring his love on me ,the healing that is taking place right now is very painful but I’m trusting him his love for me is overwhelming .I’m afriad I’m scared inside but I need to hold on as ps.91 hes covering me with his feathers he is my refuge . I’m listening to david crowder band the song how he loves … and the tears are pouring and my heart is breaking wanting all of jesus all of his love his mercy his grace .wanting to run wanting to hide to crawl under my covers .how do I express my hurt and pain, for jesus is the one who sees feels my anguish.holding on to his love wanting to embrace all of who he is .he is my portion he is my prize .the enemy is shooting his fiery darts and in my hurt and pain i find myself slithering back .I don’t want to slither back I need to hold on to the love jesus has given to me the price he paid at calvery .I don’y want to write this for fear of rejection but with Gods strength I will pour my soul out . I’m tired of being afraid tired of listening to lies tired of trying to do things in my own strength .Lord here I am broken and surrendering my life my heart to you .I had written out what i had gone through as a child and as teen and adult feel so beaten up for doing that. but I’m not going to stop telling my story of how jesus loves me cares for me .my God went out of his way to show me his love his compassion how precious I am. God is using what the devil ment to hurt to destroy to discourage ect. God ment for my good ….. for his glory his portion his love his mercy he gave me .oh how I need you oh how I love you ,I turned away from God so many times in jesus name I don’t want to ever turn from him again … I need others to love me believe in me understand me care for me !I long to be loved cared for nurtured …. I know in my heart that jesus is the only one who can perfectly love me care for me ,understand me,I have my husband my kids who love me and I love them. I love all of you ladies I love your compassion your obedience .God lead me to proverbs 31 and through this ministry I have recieved so much encouragment uplift and healing .God is so good …. thank you melissa for this post :) may God get all the glory and honor !!! God bless all of you ladies ..All THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD !!

    • I love you too Geri. I dont know you, but there really is nothing to be embarrased about on this study. We are all women and we have all gone through some things, some more so than others. God is love and I thank Him for continuing to pursue us even when we ran away from Him. But He says in Psalm 139 where can we go from His Spirit? Even if we go to the highest mountain, He is there, if we go to Shoel, He is there. There is no place that God is not, so even in the midst of your pain and struggles, God is there. We really and truely need to get to that place of taking our eyes off our problems and refocusing on Him. Easier said than done. I’m still learning how to do that, but with all you lady’s help and with the Help of the Holy Spirit, I’ll be able to. God bless you and know that you are loved.

      Michelle.

      • I love you too michelle,thank you michelle so much for your encouragement ! michelle it comes from the rejection why I feel embarresed thank you for making me feel comfortable here ! I need so much healing and I’m up against so much right now.yes refocusing on God thats exactly the right word I know God is speaking to me .not easy to do but its trusting him with everything .I love you ,geri

  46. WOW Melissa, over the top post today. You printed my life verse, the one that I cling to, hold on to, when I feel like giving up. Isaiah 43:1, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” I need to get my heart and my head around the fact that I AM HIS. He called me by name. He called us by name. Blessings to you and prayers for the entire group.

    Your new picture is so beautiful. I lilked the other one but this one to me looks real, no masks, His beauty shining through you.

  47. Love you Melly. The mercy God has gifted you with dear sister never ever ceases to amaze me…his mercies never fail…love you dearest sister…and love you too other dearest anonymous sister :)

  48. Carol Bruntlett says:

    Thank you Melissa for posting this written beautifully.
    Thank you for encouraging us and loving on us women even if it is over the Internet you are beautiful inside and out love the new profile picture.

    I have been that woman not feeling loved or good enough or just running away felt like it was to hard. I still feel that way at times and I am having one of those times because of some issues right now that are going on but I am trusting God because I do know there are people praying for me and I know my Jesus will not fail me that He is right here and He knows what I am going thru . I love that verse Isaiah 43:1-3 Fear not for I have redeemed you I have summoned you by name you are mine when you pass thru the waters I will be with you when you pass thru the rivers they will not sweep over you when you walk thru the fir you will not be burned and the flames will not set you ablaze For I am the Lord your God the Holy One of Isarel you savior.

    Thank You Lord that when I pass thru the waters You are with me
    When I walk thru the fire I will not be burned Thank You Lord
    Carol

  49. Thank you Melissa for all the wonderful words & hope you give women.
    I did not grow up with God in my life and just kind of felt something was just not right with me. I am so thankful now that I have found GOD & will continue to look up to him for guidance. I have failed 2 marriages & think that something is wrong with me but I need to find my “confident heart” & have put my faith in GOD that one day I will find the right man for me. Thank you so much for this wonderful online study. I can’t put the book down. Chapter 2 is so much like how I live my life now, that I just keep going over it again & again.

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