Nov 15

Is God Enough When I’m Not Invited?

To view this week’s assignments for Chapter 9, click here.

 

Recently I called a friend to a friend to catch up and chat. We have been friends for a very long time, but don’t get to see each other very often. I asked “Paula” if she could get together on Thursday evening. She told me that she had plans to go out with her mother that evening but we would plan something soon. Really missing my friend, I decided to call another friend, “Dana,” and make plans. I asked Dana if she’d like to get together Thursday. Her reply, “Oh I’m sorry, I’m going to a dinner party at Paula’s that night. Are you not invited?” ……..Ouch. My heart hurts now.

Those same negative feelings that tend to define me came flooding back. I’m rejected. I’m unwanted. I’m unloved. I’ve been forgotten. Besides the sad woe is me feelings, I also was hurt by the fact that Paula lied to me. Was I not a good enough friend that she felt she could be honest with me?  Dana told me that the party was really small and Paula probably didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I can understand and even appreciate that, but I was still hurt. You know a pity party is the party I’m invited to the most…and I’m always welcome.

I struggled with whether I should approach Paula or not. I had a few good reasons and a few selfish ones too. I wanted to tell her, “Paula, honey, I love you. You don’t have to lie to me. I’m fine to not be invited to your party.” (well, maybe I wasn’t fine, but you know what I mean.) Then there was the selfish side of me that also just wanted her to know that I knew she was having that stupid party and that I knew she lied. I decided to do what all smart people do when trying to decide about such things. I posted it on Twitter and asked opinions. I was blown away by all the responses! Great advice, Bible verses, prayers, love….wow. I knew then what I really needed to do about it. Pray, and somehow find contentment in my heart. So I did.

After spending some time with the Lord, I actually decided for now I wouldn’t do anything. I knew in my heart Paula would NEVER want to hurt me and that she was really trying to protect my sensitive feelings. If the opportunity came up another time, I would possibly approach it, but for now, I was just going to let it be.

End of story for now, right?  Wrong. Paula called me yesterday in tears. She felt so bad for lying to me and evidently the Lord was working in her just like He was working in me. She apologized for lying and explained the dinner party. I completely understood and she understood my feelings of hurt. We ended up laughing at ourselves for acting so insecure in the first place, because we know better. And not only do we know better, but we know the One Who holds our confidence in the first place.

I know this whole story may seem quite trivial in life. There are much bigger trials than not being invited somewhere! However, it’s often the little things that bring us down daily that do the most damage. Eating at our hearts, little by little. All that adds up and our enemy can use it to bring us down. We can’t let our confidence go. We need God’s promises. God and His Word have to be enough in any and all situations…the big and little, the trivial and tragic.

On page 210-213 of A Confident Heart, you will find a devotion I wrote a while back called Is God Enough? Check it out if you get the chance. Then ask yourself the question I keep having to ask myself lately. Is He?

 

***Thank you “Paula” for giving me permission to share our messy story and turn it into a message. I love you girl! Hope you have a fabulous dinner party Thursday night!  :)  <3

Melissa

Comments

  1. Heather Goben says:

    Thank You!

  2. I really needed this…you are so right when you say that it is the little things that eat away at us…like feeling unloved or unwanted! Thanks for reminding me it’s not others who determine my worth, but our Lord!

  3. can i ask a question? once you’d taken your feelings to god, how did you leave them there and stop them eating you up? how did you take his truths and believe them over your own? xx

    • That is one of the hardest things turning it over to God and leaving it there. This is something I am working on now.

      • With anything, it take practice. If you are like me, once you give that up to God you will continue to keep trying to take it back. Everytime you catch youself worrying about it and taking it back, pray. “Sorry Lord, I keep taking this back from you, but I really don’t want to worry about it I want to give it up to you.” It’s being intentional about giving it up. Repeating His truths after praying and asking Him to help you believe them too.

    • I agree. It’s not something that comes easily. There are things we have to return to Him on a daily basis because we can’t seem to let them go. We lay them at His altar then pick them right back up and take then with us again. It takes discipline and repeating His promises every time those thoughts or feelings come back again. Find a verse or two that partanes to what you’re going through, write them on index cards and place them wherever you will see them: at work, on the bathroom mirror, in the car, in your wallet, everywhere! Say His promises out loud the moment your old thoughts and feelings come up. Over time, this will help you replace those thoughts and feelings with His Truth. I don’t just hope this helps, I know this helps!!

      I think this post about Praying Back God’s Word might help you further: http://bit.ly/qjTwYg
      <3 Heather

    • Also, When you do catch yourself and apologize to God ask him to help you to forget about it or give you the strength to leave it with Him. He loves it when we rely on Him and He will reward that. 1 John 5:14 & 15 says “And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will. And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for. “ (NLT).

  4. Thank you Melissa and Paula for sharing this story. I really needed to read this right now..

  5. I love your honesty Melissa! You are alway so real!!

  6. Thanks for being so real Melisssa!

  7. Cindy Wicke says:

    I think this story hits each one of us at some point in our life. I have to say this chapter of the book has spoken directly to me. I really needed this and it amazes me how God knows exactly WHAT we need and WHEN we need it! Thanks Melissa, God is using you to help so many others. God bless!

  8. Michelle W says:

    Thank you for your honesty Melissa and for once again being transparent. We appreciate that you are a real person, with feelings and not one that “has it all together”. We thank you for allowing us a glimpse into your life and for letting us know that it is “okay” to be human. Thank you for sharing.

    Be Blessed.

    Love,
    Michelle

  9. Thank you for this blog post – you are so right the little things eat away at us and pretty soon we are imagining slights where there are none, taking every word and wondering ‘what exactly did she mean by that remark’ on and one until we finally lose it over something so tiny. Ya how could you guess I have been here as recently as last week. 

  10. Lori Ryser says:

    Thank you Melissa! It’s so comforting to know that, you, being in a leadership position deal with things that may seem trivial to others. May your story be an encouragement to the ones that have experienced a friendship gone bad because of trivial stuff which caused their heart to become hard and bitter.

    Years ago I allowed my heart to harden after a friendship went sour. I found out some STUFF that she did or not did (like invite me to her lunch dates with our other girlfriends and so on….). I allowed the enemy to steal our friendship. I isolated myself and quite going to lady functions all together because I felt as though they didn’t really like me or want me around. I should have never did that. Well eventually other ladies noticed I hadn’t been around much and started asking what I’ve been up to because I had, basically, dropped off the face of the earth. The devil stole my confident friendships with other friends because of the one friend that did me wrong or so I thought did me wrong. I don’t know why she did some of the things she did but you know….they eventually moved away because they were called to the mission field. Because of my own anger & bitterness she left and I never said good-bye. That is so sad! It was not to long after they left that I realized how the enemy stole a friend from me, not by anyone’s doing except my own that I allowed him to do that. NEVER AGAIN!

    Well needless to say I learned the hard way Melissa, I’m so thankful to hear your testimony about you & Paula. I haven’t experienced anything like I did with my friend since then because you know what…..I haven’t been invited to all the lunch-ins, tea parties, and showers and won’t be in the future but I’m thankful for the ones that I am invited to and those are the ones I so embrace my friends and want to bless them. God Bless You!

  11. Oh how I can relate…I have a friend who lives a couple of hours away, and we were friends all through high school, after high school, and we were in each others weddings. After she moved, we grew apart, though we kept in touch with cards on holidays. Several months back, I found her on Facebook and she seemed all excited to have “found” me again too. I soon learned that she visits in our hometown area about once a month, and told me that the next time she was here for a weekend, she’d get in touch with me and we’d meet for lunch or dinner. Well, guess what….that was months and months ago, and I’ve yet to hear from her. At first I was hurt that I hadn’t heard from her….then I was angry, because I felt “lied to”….if you don’t want to re-connect because our lives are so different, I understand…but don’t pretend to want to if you really don’t. Now, I’ve just let it go. I’m sure she didn’t intentionally hurt me….she probably didn’t know how to get out of the offer she made to get together. I really had to pray about this though because I was feeling really rejected for awhile.

  12. Thank yu Melissa & Paula for sharing your story. Melissa you always seem to know what we need to hear, and tell us.
    I just went through this with my husband, this week (like yesturday). Long story short we made plans to go out to something our church was doing. He forgot to get someone to cover the last two hours of his shift at work. So we couldnt go. I know he has been really busy at work (they just moved into a new building) and is stressed. I was really hurt that he forgot about our plans after all the planning and shopping (I needd a new dress) we had done. It was a minor thing and I let it explode. Now I feel really bad. I know we will worj through it. But your right it is the little things. So thank you so mauch for sharring.

  13. Michele Caseca says:

    Dear Melissa,

    Thank you for sharing this story and your feelings!
    I often feel unloved, unwanted and unworthy!
    I really think we all do once in a while!

    Thank you!
    Michele

    • Michelle W says:

      I know what you mean Michele, especially when we allow ourselves to wallow in our inadequate feelings and not believe what God says about us. Sometimes its so easy to believe the lie than the truth.

      • Michele Caseca says:

        Feeling discouraged today! :(

        • Olayinka Okunola says:

          Hi Michele, don’t be discouraged the Lord is faithful. When I feel unloved, unwanted & unworthy, I don’t dwell on it – I put on good christian music that reminds me that i am loved by God and cherished.
          My sister, I don’t have many friends and between work and home and church i don’t go out often, my escape is FB & BBM, so I feel down sometimes when I am alone at home and can’t access my online community but I don’t let it get to me. I cheer myself up by reminding myself all the lovely promises of God e.g. I am the apple of God’s eye, God loves me so much He gave His only son to die in my place, etc…And you are loved by me!

          • Michele, I’m hoping that you are feeling better today. I think we are all going through something right now. Today is a new day and desipite our feelings of discouragement, know that “This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it”. God bless and keep you and be not discoraged anymore. :)

            Love,
            Michelle.

  14. You are loved, Melissa!

    Mrs. Fun

  15. Thank you for this message, Melissa! And thank you for just being so open and honest about who you are and where you are in your life. You know, you go through the same “stuff” that we all do in this life — we all get disappointed by people. The difference is that you are willing to share your struggles with us so that we can learn about how to use it and grow closer to God in the process. You are willing to be humble and transparent for our benefit — that is BRAVE, Girlfriend! It is a joy to see how we are all growing for His glory!

  16. Definitely needed this today. Completely struggling with the fact that I can’t be everybody’s favorite person, even though I desperately want to be sometimes. I get so distracted by the people who “leave me out” that I am blinded to the people who are trying to include me. Then when I ignore or show indifference to those who try to include me, they start to “leave me out” too. BLAH! Horrible, awful, cycle I find myself in sometimes…and I’m the only one to blame for it.

    But thank God He is there, and He will never leave me out!

  17. Carol Bruntlett says:

    Hi Melissa
    Thank you for being real it makes know how to do life better with God I feel the same way sometimes un loved unwanted,not good enough is. Matter a fact I felt that way today due to something that happen later on in the afternoon could not understand it I still don’t but God has it . Thanks again you are awesome and zi love you.
    Carol

  18. Girl, I needed this tonight. I haven’t been lied to, but one of my friends hurt my feelings and I know she didn’t mean to. Just stinks. I’m sitting on an email and don’t know how to respond through my hurt feelings. Going to wait and pray first. Thanks for your encouragement. Love you!!

  19. Dottie Fetherolf says:

    Thank you for this post. I have dealt with this many a time. And it’s good to know I’m not the only one who deals with this.

  20. I am in awe of a God who loves me so much. I literally was having a pity party because my husband is not showing me he wants our marriage to work. I have been a single mom of 5 kids for several months now. I was feeling quite forgotten and unloved when I came across the post on Facebook.

  21. Wow, I was shocked to see someone else having similar feelings. I always feel like I’m alone in feeling, unwanted, unloved, left out, rejected and unappreciated. I am so happy “Paula” apologized, sadly that doesn’t happen much on my end, primarily because most people I know don’t realize I have discovered they have left me out. I am glad you have good friends and I pray each day that I find the same in someone else. God bless and thank you for sharing your story!

    • Heavenly Father, I come to You now in the Name of Jesus, covered by His Blood, on behalf of Stacey. Father, You know her heart and her desire for a real friend. I am asking You now on her behalf to bless her with that one friend that You have chosen for her. Open her eyes that she may see and her ears that she may hear. Help her not to reject the one that You have chosen for her, in the Name of Jesus. Amen and Amen and Thank You for listening Father.

      Remember Stacey, you only need 1 close friend. I pray that you will get that friend soon. Be Blessed.

      Love,
      Michelle

  22. Good message and how the lord spoke to your heart.thank you

  23. Thanks so much for writing this. I constantly feel left out by friends and get my feelings hurt. Thanks for reminding me that God is indeed enough!

  24. I so needed this! What a great read, I had one of these days today!

  25. Thank you I needed this. I often have this party myself and i’m looking to canclel that party I continue to have with myself. Thank you again.

  26. Thank you for sharing I have felt left out all my life and having pity parties are common in my life. It is a joke in my family when someone is having a pity party to but an RC cola and amoon pie. I am so tierd of living my life according what I think others are thinking Thank you for reminding that it is what God thinks and He never rejects us.

  27. Tonya McCoy says:

    This story was not at all trivial to me, in fact it was huge. I have been having a similar pity party myself because I really don’t feel like I have any friends. Christian friends that is. We have been going to our church now for a year. Now, I do have a select few women there that make me feel loved & appreciated at church but it never goes outside the church walls. Every time the devils tries attacking me & telling me no one likes me or I am a nobody I just keep reminding myself God is the only friend I need & he will be the bestest friend I have ever had. I know when his timing is right I will have the friend or friends in my life that I need.

    • Amen Tonya, when His timing is right. Wait for that promised friend and dont accept any counterfeit.

      Love,
      Michelle

  28. I’ve been on both sides of the field with this one. I’ve felt slights by friends, but my friends have also felt slighted by me. It’s no fun either way, that’s for sure! I don’t mean to hurt others, it’s never my intent! I’m not malicious or one to hold grudges, but somehow, my own sin and foolishness can still hurt those around me, like collateral damage…

    I actually blogged about this the other day: http://bit.ly/vd38ua

  29. Thank you for this friends story, we’re slightly similar…last sunday i had experienced, with my friend, if i’d choose my emotion of being hurted maybe our friendship broken, our fellowship, and enjoyment stolen, thanks for our memory verse Heb.10:35-36, 1John 4:16 reminds me how to deal the situation, i thanked God, we’re everything fine now. To God be the glory.<3:-)

  30. Thank you sis Melissa for this friends story, we’re slightly similar…last sunday i had experienced, with my friend, if i’d choose my emotion of being hurted maybe our friendship broken, our fellowship, and enjoyment stolen, thanks for our memory verse Heb.10:35-36, 1John 4:16 reminds me how to deal the situation, i thanked God, we’re everything fine now. To God be the glory.<3:-)

  31. Well, you may not have been invited to that particular dinner party, and I’m sure it hurt – it would hurt me too. But on the sunny side, maybe it was God’s way of wanting to spend time with you because he was missing you. Sounds like you two had a good talk. Bless you!

  32. This was so right on time for me to read! i feel like so many of you so often! (as recently as this past weekend). this has seemed to happen most of my life and like one of you ladies stated earlier, it seemed like i would dwell on those who rejected me (real or imagined) and ignored those who would embrace me! i’m learning to love the friends that God has placed around me, and to remember that if He is for me, he’s more than the whole world against me :o) i pray that He heals the wounds of our hearts and helps us to decline the invitations to the pity parties ;o)

  33. Thank you for this! Some friends & I have had this same discussion. I think a lot of people can relate. It’s a great reminder that God will never leave me out & to keep our confidence in Him. He is the only one who will never let us down. It does hurt, though, & I think we all have been there (or not been there rather lol).

  34. Is God enough? That’s a question that keeps coming up with each new trial in my life. Is God enough in this situation? Is God enough in that situation? My answer is yes, He is and He has to be.

    This past month has been so hard. A new trial keeps adding on to the old ones. I find myself literally almost drowning in despair and darkness. I keep praying for God’s light to come through and it does. I keep praying, “Send Your light and Your truth.” I keep asking God to remind me who I am and to remind me who He is because I keep forgetting.

    The truth that I find myself clinging to the most is that He loves me. Such love. Such wondrous love. That God could love a sinner such as I; how wonderful is love like this. Does anyone remember that old song? I had that song going through my mind today. I can only remember the chorus, but I remember singing it in church when I was a kid and a young believer. I hated those old hymns then, but I love them today.

    I keep reminding my heart that God loves me, that He is faithful and good. It has been a constant battle. I am so thankful for His truth for it is His truth that I really need to cling to. “Lux et Veritas”…Light and Truth. The motto for Yale University. We so need it.

  35. Michelle W says:

    I’m so good at exhorting others, but when it comes to myself, I find myself at a loss. This week, month, has been hard. I have no idea whether I’m coming or going. My mind is a mess, I’m struggling with everything. I’m tired. Just wanted to share.

    Love,
    Michelle.

  36. Thanks for sharing this Melissa – it’s right on. Had a similar story with my niece, but she also approached me and apologized…..So all is good <3

  37. My feelings are being hurt right now with family! Holidays, anyone???? I am in NC and the rest of my family lives in Maine. My sister has recently moved back there and has gone through some life transitions. I feel like such an outsider. My parents brought us all up in church but now I’m the only one who attends and I can’t say what any of them believe. Anyway, I am so “out of the loop.” I know that God has blessed me with an amazing husband and wonderful young adult children. I have a good job. I feel guilty for being so emotional about these family issues, especially with my sister. I am trying to give her space and be understanding and patient. She “disses” me constantly, avoids and ignores me, Bottom line is…. It hurts. I know I need to pray about this instead of just trying to bear it on my shoulders, whining and complaining…. It’s a struggle. Prayers, wisdom and strength needed.

  38. I struggle with feeling not good enough, not loved, rejected, etc. when someone doesn’t react the way I expected. I have a friend who I have been friends with for 25 years. She and I were always “joined at the hip” as my mom would say. I have 3 kids and she cannot have children. This has put a rift in our friendship and I don’t know how to get it back. I have point-blank asked her if I have said or done something wrong to put distance between us and she says no, everything is fine. But I haven’t spoken to her or seen her now for over a year, except for occasional posts on Facebook. It hurts me and makes me wonder what I’ve done. But I’ve asked her, I’ve tried to initiate conversation, I’ve even told her I miss her on several occasions. Still, no real significant response. I guess I have done all I can do and I will pray about it still, but it still nags at me. I wonder what I’ve done. Also, another thing that makes me feel bad is thinking back on my past and people I have really clicked with and friends I’ve felt were a lot of fun to be around or friends I have great memories of…. I will friend request them on Facebook and be so happy and excited when they accept. I start up a conversation with them and get either no response or they act as if they really aren’t that happy to hear from me. I have been told, straight out, by my friend of 25 years that I mentioned above, that I was not a nice person back in my younger years and that when people say nice things about me, they are lying and that it’s really annoying to see people kissing my behind when she knows it’s not the truth. WOW! I had no idea that was how I was perceived. I have always thought of myself as a caring person who goes out of her way to make others feel at home or feel loved or cared for. I’m not sure what to think about this… it’s really been bothering me. I need to give it up to God, but man I have a hard time just moving on from these feelings.

    • Dearest Julie. I totally understand how you feel. I, myself have been very hurt this year as well with a family member who I treated as my own child. Apparently, (unbeknownst to me), I was not a very nice person and this was brought to my attention in a manner that shocked, hurt and astounded me. Needless to say, after this “intervention”, it made me look at myself in another light. I was hurt, I withdrew from my “friends” emotionally because I did not want to be an ordor to others and I went into self evaluation mode. I I was thankful to God for this “intervention” though because it drove me to Him. I could not understand that the way He made me could seem so offensive to others, but it was my attitude apparently. Anyway, this is not about me, but I just wanted to let you know my empathy for your situation with your best friend. I’m sorry that there is a rift between you. I know you miss your friend, I miss mine too, but God knows what is best for each of us. We may not like what is happening when it’s happening, we do not understand it and we ask why, but God sees the end from the beginning. Without my “intervention”, I may have continued on the way I’ve always been without knowing that I am offensive to others. But God works all things out together for our good because we are called for His Purposes, therefore, we cannot be odors to others, but fragrances so that we may teach them about Him. You also must understand that when there is a breach in the relationship, (when there is talk or gossip), you can feel it in the Spirit. It feels like a void and you may not understand it, but it’s there. You may not get your friend back the way it was before, but God has a plan for your life and it may not include your friend. I’m so sorry and I really do feel your pain.

      I pray Thanksgiving Blessings on you and your family.

      Love,
      Michelle