Nov 29

Blind and wandering…

As I sit down to write this morning I can’t help but be distracted by my daughter. Afraid, she slept on my floor last night. She brought ever blanket and pillow she owned into my bedroom and made her little nest right next to me. This morning, feeling better she moved it all back to her room. Not by carrying it though, she bear crawled across the wood floor sliding her blankets back to her room. All I could see from where I sat was a gigantic pile of fluffiness with little feet sticking out, moving down the hallway.

She finally made it to her room, and again I tried to focus on my writing. I just feel blank, empty, nothing to say. In fact I feel a lot like my daughter, shuffling my baggage from room to room in my mind looking for a comfortable place to lie down and rest. However, fear seems to follow and I can’t get comfortable anywhere.

Fear that I am not following God consistently. Fear that my apparent lack of insight this morning has to do with an apparent lack of anointing from a Savior who I feel at the moment is rejecting me. I know that is not true. I know God will never leave or abandon me, but that doesn’t always stop my mind from wandering. From looking and seeking Him for my own needs rather than resting in Him and asking Him what He needs from me.

So here it is my friends…me wordless…speechless…sightless…blind. How do we follow God consistently? It seems to revolve around a day to day and individual basis. Today, for me, it involves being in a place so vulnerable as to reach up my hand…even though I am blind as to what I am reaching for…and remind myself that I have nothing to offer. NOTHING to offer. That ANYTHING I have been given is a gift from God. That blindness is sometimes the only way we can be made to see. So I will follow God blind today. I don’t know what the next minutes, hours, or days hold…but I know that He is holding me. How do I follow God consistently? I choose to keep walking even when I am blind…

Blessings….Stephanie

Melissa

Comments

  1. Cheryl Taylor says:

    THANK YOU! I am very inconsistent. I had never felt this would effect my relationship with God. Then…someone else said….and because this person said it of course it had to be true. Now thinking my inconsistency was yet another failure I had done for God I had started pulling away from him. And of course the cycle kept getting worse. Thank you for saying inconsistency is ok, it happens, and not just to me. I am trying to mend my relationship with God, be with Him and hear Him again. The Confident Heart study has really helped.

    • Brenda Schiesser says:

      For having nothing to say, you spoke volumes. We all feel that way at one time or another and beat ourselves up for it every time when all we have to do is what you’re doing…….resting on the promises of God. He will never leave you or forsake you…..you are never alone, you just have to turn to Him. Lean on Him, trust Him…seek Him……next thing you know you have an answer for all the “whys” and if not answers, then peace restored to your heart. Thank you for helping me feel less unacceptable when I find myself in the state of speechless and blind and wandering. Praying that you get filled with what you need today.

    • My reply to Stephanie is this: Love that! It’s so true! We have nothing of our own to offer God! The only thing we can do is surender to His will and let Him lead! To Cheryl I reply: I have never been consistant with anything in my entire life (least you think I exagerate- I don’t even eat consistantly- sometimes I just forget)! God knows this… he made me that way. I believe that He did so in order to show His surpassing power in my life- that anything consistant in my life comes from Him. I am trying to be like Paul and “boast in my weakess so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor 12:9)

  2. Thank you Stephanie, your words bring hope to me during this season in my life..

  3. Stephanie from Texas!!! You, my dear friend, had lots to say – more than you think in your blog above – and I thank you for it Praying for you my friend! Love ya Large!

  4. Thank you Stephanie for your openness and honesty!! As I reread chapter 10, a quote jumped out at me, “we can’t ever learn how to live real faith if we never need real faith”!!!!! Just this morning, I was struggling with some big “things” in my life, things that seem so hopeless, and after prayer, the HOLY SPIRIT led me back to those words to remind me-this day I will walk by faith and trust HIM!
    Blessings this day <3

  5. It’s called walking by faith. I’m right there with you. Praying for you today.

  6. Thank you Stephanie. I needed to hear this today. I am feeling somewhat the same. Just came back from vacation and walked into the house and it all just hit me. Vacation was nice and relaxing, got to spend time with my granddaughter, but now reality hit me in the face as I walked through the door. Lots to do, lots of uncertainty and fear, and at times I feel God has abandoned me and left me to do this all on my own. Deep, deep, deep down in my heart I know that’s not true, but sometimes it is very hard not to think that as I continue my journey through this life. For me, I need to take things one day at a time, one task at a time. I have a tendency of looking at everything all at once and I get completely overwhelmed. I need to step back, breath, and feel secure in that God is with me always. One of my favorite verses comes back to me time and time again,and I feel this is God talking to me saying, “Be Still And Know That I Am GOD!!!

  7. Thanks for your honesty Stephanie. I totally relate to where you are now. I too am tired of my inconsistancy. Just plain tired. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one, but it does not make me feel any better. It’s draining.

    Love and Blessings,
    Michelle

  8. J Sonia Edwards says:

    Joan, that is the same scripture that was ministered to me two seconds ago by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes in our situations those around us expect us to be franctically running around trying to deal with our challenges in order to bring about resolution. But there are times when we really have to “Be still and know that He is God” we need to “Stand still and see the Salvation of our God.” We cannot do it by ourselves and no He has not left us to manage on our own. The challenges can be overwhelming and that is why we need to truly comitt these thing s to Him. As Prov 3:5 & 6 reminds us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own undertanding. In aalllll your wyas acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Right now I have no choice to hold on to that promise cause I really do not understand this phase of my life right now, but I am reminded that He is ordering my steps as He has done in the past. As we trust and committ to Him He is ordering our steps.

    Hold on gals. God bless and sustain us all.

    • Thank J. I hold on to that promise as well, as I don’t understand this phase in my life either. I know there’s a reason for everything that is happening and when it is happening, although we may never know it, and I do trust that God will show me a brighter tomorrow. He will be there in every step of the way holding my hand.

  9. Kim Strandberg says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart today. It is a good reminder that we truly have nothing to offer God. I love the idea of walking blindly with Him…. Some days I feel the same way! Your words were God inspired.

  10. Thank you, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I have felt that way off and on and I think it’s a sign to get quiet with the Lord. There’s always a lesson around the corner, some revealing He needs to make. So enjoy the quiet and listen. He’s got something for you but He wants you to just listen right now.

    Blessings,
    Mel
    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

  11. W

  12. WOW! Did I need this today. Words taken directly from my heart. Blind is how I feel most days – blind to the destination and purpose God has for me but confident He is directing my path, by faith I will follow to places of peace where rest is found.

  13. I know it doesn’t help to hear this, but we all have those times. And this will pass, but isn’t nice to know that He is “not speaking” to you, but is sitting quietly in your quiet place, waiting for your to rest you head on His shoulders.

    ~Blessings,
    Di

  14. Anne Maxon says:

    Stephenie It’s been a weird weird day…I keep wanting to cry & cry & cry
    Keep reading our memory verse…it is beautiful–still want to cry
    Wanting to walk closely with my Saviour…..all we can do is cry out & trust Our Lord–especially with the young & old……
    “walk” “heal”
    “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1b
    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
    Blessings to you
    so so thankful for Our Lord & His great love

  15. Stephanie, I just LOVE this. The imagery you used really brought it home for me as I read through this week’s chapter. LOVE you girl!

    <3 Heather

  16. In the last year I have struggled with this too….but the one thing I am comforted with is that no matter how I feel, or how bad my emotions get the best of me….my heart does not leave God…..I believe with all my heart, even when things don’t seem to be going my way, and when my heart aches badly…..that God never lets go and that He does have a plan for me. Many times, it’s that belief that keeps me on my feet….I don’t know where God is taking me, but I do know the ride will be NOTHING that I can imagine on my own….because He is God!!! Satan cannot change that….EVER!!! That is what you show us Steph…blind faith! …..it’s encouraging and inspiring! hugs! ~Jenni

  17. Michele Caséca says:

    Steph,

    You are beautiful! Your silence can be as powerful as your words!
    God bless you.

    Michele

  18. Stephanie, you explained how I feel also but have never put into words. Very insightful post. Though you felt you didn’t have much to say, you apparently spoke volumes to MANY of us! This is a post to reread and ponder. Thank you.
    This blog is always such a blessing to me!
    Love and Prayers, Ladies!