I am so excited to welcome Veronica Herzing to my blog today! Veronica is not only a good friend of mine, but she also serves on our Online Bible Studies team. Veronica shares straight from her heart, with courage, a piece of her life that most would just keep to themselves. Hopefully because of what she experienced, someone else will be spared. Or maybe you can relate to her experience because you feel the same way. May you find redemption and restoration from God as a result of reading her story. No matter your situation, you will be blessed by reading today’s guest post by Veronica.
A Family Redeemed by God
Can I tell you something? After reading two pages of Chapter 5 I decided I do not like this chapter – not one bit. Why? Because it brought up a few hundred regrets and “if only’s.” I wish I would have raised my children on a solid foundation of Jesus, but I didn’t.
My husband and I went to church every week, baptized our children, sent our children to CCD (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine), prayed at meals and bedtime, and as any good Catholics do, we didn’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent. All this was good right? Well, partially.
There was one crucial thing we didn’t know to teach our children: how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Why? Because although we believed and had a deep faith, we didn’t have one. We didn’t know how to.
Our house was filled with screaming, yelling, tantrums and the occasional “I can’t do this anymore” moments. Our son is autistic, he was misdiagnosed for years. He had some huge behavior issues that got worse when he was placed in a behavior modification classroom within the school district. I became a controlling parent, allowing my emotions to dictate my responses to our son. I wanted the stars and the moon and the Brady Bunch version and by gosh I was going to have it! I signed us up for every parenting class available. I read all the books on how to be the best parent for our autistic child. I would read all the books, devise a game plan and then inform my husband how it would all work. I had it all color coded, nice and neat in a binder with index tabs for every situation we might come across. This binder sat on the kitchen counter to be referenced at a moment’s notice. Anytime my husband got it wrong, I would be sure to point it out to him, pointing at the parent manual. I did this because I wanted him to become the best dad in the world. Side note: I am sure you know how this ended, right? Are you laughing at my foolishness? Trust me, I can’t believe some of the things I have put that man through!! But the truth is I just wanted better for our home. What’s wrong with that?
Not surprising, we argued a lot! I wanted our family to be close, to like each other, to feel important and valued. My husband didn’t really care if we were close or not. He was strict and went to great lengths to make a lesson stick, no matter the crying, the screaming, the tantrums, or what people thought or where we were when a lesson needed enforcing. I wanted easy, not to be embarrassed, and peaceful outcomes. I also wanted to protect our son, so I often said, “He is autistic. He can’t do what other kids his age can do. If he had no legs would you tell him if he tried hard enough he could walk?” My husband would say, “Yes, he is autistic but there is a real world out there that doesn’t care. Are you going to have him carry a sign that says ‘I am autistic don’t expect anything from me?’”
Years went by, events happened, and poor choices were made. In the end, my husband was right. Today we are living the consequences of my decisions and actions. Our son is 22 years old and takes no responsibility for any of his actions. He finds loopholes in everything and he has no motivation. Our home is still filled with screaming, yelling, tantrums and the occasional “I can’t do this for one more minute!” I give my husband all the respect in the world for never once saying “I told you so. Instead he gives me a hug, reassures me and then takes over until I have pulled myself together. He has the lead on the parenting now.
As I read chapter 5, I began wishing I had those years back. I wanted a DO OVER! Well, there is no such thing as a do over when raising your family. It’s a one shot deal, but thankfully the story doesn’t end here. You see, God is in the business of redeeming families just like mine…and He did.
Once I finished the chapter, I talked to my husband about it. I told him “I wish I would have let you take the lead in parenting from the beginning. I wish I would have supported you fully. I am thankful that I am learning to do better now. I’m not a fearful, controlling parent anymore, but instead I allow our son, Matt, to learn from life – the good parts and the bad.” My wonderful husband looked at me and asked, “So what’s different now?” I wasn’t sure I knew what he meant. He repeated, “What’s different now. What finally got you to this point – after all the books, classes, right way vs. wrong way? Why can you now let him fail when the consequences are so much higher?” I answered “I don’t know.” He leaned over and said “I do. You finally found God and gave up all control.”
It was then that it hit me. The one thing that had been missing all those years was God! All those things I did to change Matt’s behavior were just that – things I did, things I tried to control. Now as I grow in my confidence of who I am in Christ, deepen my relationship with Him and believe in His promises, I can step aside and trust fully in God while being the parent that He calls me to be.
As I read To Guard or Not to Guard in Chapter 5, I realized how different I am in my actions, behaviors and thoughts. Now I have God by my side. Now I have a personal relationship with Him. Now I trust Him. It’s so freeing to have God in control. It’s so freeing to know God is not finished with us yet and can bring good out of what I considered a big mess.
Today, if I was offered a DO OVER, would I take it? NOT A CHANCE! How else would I have discovered to what extent I needed the Lord? This family of 22 years is a true and living testimony to God’s glory that He is our REDEEMER.
We are a family redeemed by God.
Isn’t amazing what God can do? Veronica wanted to share her story with you because she has been impacted in a big way by having faith and trusting God. I know you were blessed by her story and it is my prayer that as we continue to study and share, we will grow in our own faith and deepen our personal relationships with our awesome and wonderful God. We are well on our way to An Untroubled Heart.
Please leave Veronica comments and thoughts in the comment section of my blog. If you’d like to read more from Veronica and hear more of the story, you can visit her blog here.
Sponsor a Child
{ 1 trackback }
{ 97 comments }
How the LORD has worked in Veronica’s life it totally AWESOME!!! I agree wholeheartedly that IS so freeing to allow Him control!!
Veronica, I am giving a MOPS talk on prayer next week, and at the end of my talk, I am going to talk to the ladies about how there are NO do overs. May I use your above testimony?
thank you Pat. Yes, you may use it….I pray my story/life helps others.
Thank you so much, Veronica. I do, too. I’ve been praying that God send me the words to say, and I’m using some of my own life as an example, but your message is so powerful…as soon as I read “do over” (that’s what I have in part of my talk), I knew He had sent the “words”!!
God is pretty awesome isn’t He?? I love when He does things like that – letting us know without any doubt it comes from Him and only Him!!!
Praying for you and your talk with the MOPS group
Wow Veronica! What an amazing post. Thank You so much for sharing this part of your life with everyone. As your friend, It’s been amazing to watch just how far you’ve come in the last year. When I first met you a year ago, you were struggling & now you’re depending on God for it all. You’ve encouraged me in so many ways to start giving God complete control of my kid’s lives, with me stepping out of his way so he can work without my constant interference. Yep, I’m an interferer & a control freak, but it never works out when I try to get in the middle to solve things. All that does is leaves me stressed out & frustrated. You know my struggles & how much I want to change those for my kids so they can have the best life possible but who am I to think I know what they’re lives should look like. Only God knows that. You’ve helped show me that there’s a better way. And that way is having faith & trust in God to do what’s best for my kids, because they’re his kids & only he knows what’s best for them. Thank You Veronica for this awesome post. Thank You for being willing to be so vulnerable & admit to your mistakes so that others can learn from them. You rock girl!!!
Thank you Tricia….and you too have grown in the past year, you may not “feel” it (yes had to put that in) but I see it. It’s the most freeing thing to do and I sleep so much better at night (well that and he doesn’t live her anymore – lol)
I agree with you V….Tricia Has grown…and I agree with Tricia…YOU have been an inspiration to me…thank you for allowing me to walk with you on this journey….I have been so blessed to see the growth in both of you and to have the honor of praying for you.
Oh Lynne – you brought tears to my eyes…love you so much and so blessed to have you in my life
Boy can I relate to all of this! Do overs have been a constant wish of my life. I was a single mom with three kids when I met the wonderful man that I am married to now. He is a wonderful step dad but when the kids were little I always got in his way by defending whatever the kids did, right or wrong. I have a daughter who is ADHD and how I wish I had stepped aside and let God control my life back then. I was not a Christian at the time and so the control was already in my heart and BOY is that hard to give up. I still stuggle with letting go and letting God. I love this bible study, even if it is HARD! Thank you for sharing and thank you for praying. Please pray that I step back and let God have complete control and help me to let HIM deal with my daughter and help her become more responsible and my biggest prayer is that she can find out that she NEEDS God in her life and a personal relationship with a wonderful Savior.
Cindy I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. It is a hard study but one that is so freeing if we finally surrender and say “okay God I get it – Your way is better” took me many many many years to get to that point. I pray too that my son will find God and let God into his life.
Wow Veronica, tears just slipped down my cheeks as I read your story. I knew some of it but reading it as you wrote it was just so powerful. I also have to confess, I have made some of the same mistakes with my 16 year old who is ADHD and we are just now trying to figure out how to fix them. More and more I am reminded that it isn’t ME who needs to figure things out it is ME who needs to SURRENDER my parenting of her to the Lord. Give control to Him. I’ve made so many mistakes but I have to believe He is able to fix those and bring about real change and good fruit just like I’m seeing happen in your family Veronica. Your testimony is such a true blessing to me and I know to so many others. God is so so good – all the time.
thank you Hope. I still cry each time I read what I wrote, it still pulls at my heart. I think back just to last summer and how I dreaded coming home and all the yelling. My prayer warrior sisters were such a blessing to me <3
Veronica. Our stories are never for nothing. Whatever our story, there is someone in this world that will benefit from hearing that story. Maybe it is not today that you will reach the exact person needing this, but from the comments I have read, you are touching so many hearts that maybe need healing in their own relationships. God has led us on the path of sometimes a rocky, beaten road, but the end will always be more glorious than the end. Don’t ever give up on your relationship with your son. I can’t give up on my relationship with my son either. God is still in charge. Thankfully, I am not. God Bless you my friend on your good job today. I know it was somewhat nerve racking but you did a great job.
My kids are still young, so I do praise the Lord that I do have some crucial years to instill this into their lives. However, my 1 daughter is 16 and wants nothing to do with God. I think she believes more than she lets on, she is 16 after all, but I really want for her what I didn’t have.
My son who is now 8 is a hard one. I so would love a “do over” with him. I believe his very young years scarred him for life. I was so not a good parent and I think my life, my absent parenting, really hurt him. I know that God is working and again, he is still young. I have to leave this in God’s hands to take care and just do my best. I love what Melissa said about living a good Christian live, but not teaching your kids how to have a relationship with him. WOW. This just stopped me in my tracks. I really have to rearrange how I am going about this. Because it really does come down to not only a way of living, but a relationship. This is something I very much struggle with but I am slowly learning. Thank you so much for all your encouraging words.
Carrie
Carrie, I will be praying for you and your children. I have learned the hard way to never force the God issue with either one of my children – I was very lucky though that my daughter from a very young age had a deep faith that she carries to this day. My son on the other hand, although he bleives and prays to God that’s the extent of it. I just know that no amount of worrying, wishing for do-overs or having regrets will change what has passed so I have to trust and rely on God. When I pray I remember how St. Monica prayed for her son to leave his pagan ways. How she followed him everywhere not nagging at her son but praying to God while following him. That son was St. Augustine. It gives me comfort that after all the time St. Augustine lived a pagan filled life, he eventually came to know Christ and became a great man.
My dear friend Veronica……. thank you <3 Praying supernatural blessings over your home <3
Awwww thank you Megan – I couldn’t have gotten to that place without all my sisters praying for me and my family. Love you all more than you know <3
Veronica,
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I have always struggled with letting my husband take the lead in disciplining our two boys, because I don’t agree with his methods. But trying to control everything and realizing I have fallen so far short has only led me to a pit of depression, leaving me feeling like I can’t do anything. My husband just yesterday said he is taking control of the disciplining. And, while I still don’t agree with the way he does things, I am praying that this will be the catalyst for the changes God wants to make in our family and with our two teenage sons. Please pray for me to be able to entrust my family to God for real. Thank you!
I’m praying for you. I understand exactly where you are coming from, our kids no matter how old are our babies and we never want to see them hurt or suffer. Dads have a different relationship with their kids – especially their boys.
One piece of advice that I have carried with me out of all the parenting classes we attended. It’s okay for both parents to have their own style of parenting. In real life you will have bosses that have different approaches – this prepares them for real life. As long as each parent backs up the other the different style approach will work.
I have learned even if I don’t like the discpline that doesn’t make it wrong. I don’t vocalize my issues anymore – I pray abt them, less stress, less arguments and it’s good for our son to see us stand as one
Thanks Veronica. I appreciate your encouragement and will try to remember it when faced with the situation (especially the part about not vocalizing my issues!).
God bless.
Powerful Testimony Veronica and a great reminder for a mama who has struggled and still does sometimes with control where her boys are concerned. God is faithful and every time I give up all to him there is FREEDOM!!!! Thanks so much for sharing your story and your heart … God will use this in a mighty way
Thank you Kim – I pray you are able to let go as I did and see His mighty work in the lives of your boys <3
V~ I knew your story would encourage many people. Your testimony is powerful, just like Kim mentioned above. Thank you thank you thank you for your willingness to open up. I love you and I’m so thankful for you and God’s work of redemption in your life.
Thank you Melissa for encouraging me to write and start my own blog last year – that was a huge step for me – in opening myself up and in learning to trust God again. I still threw up (sorry TMI I know) yesterday after we finalized the post. I wasn’t so nervous of sharing with strangers it was those closest to me who didn’t know these things that made me nervous.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for all you have done, for God working through you to help so many women-me included, and for your friendship. Love you too
V,
What an amazing story! It’s truly amazing what GOD can do when we let go and let God. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us so that we too can rejoice in what God has done in your life and through your family! Blessings to you sister!
<3 Heather
Thank you Heather – your writing (as well as Steph’s and many other lovely ladies) has inspired me
.
Both my daughters are grown. Praise be to Godd that they turned out OK. So much of your post resonated with me. I was a super control frak & everything had to be done my way. My oldest daughter & I constantly fought,screaming & yelling. How I wish I had given God control back then. I now pray for her because, unfortunately I see a lot of me in her.
But when I read your husband’s response “You finally found God and gave up all control” it took my breath away, pierced my soul & the tears started to flow. In that moment i knew I STILL haven’t given up all control. Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. What an impact it has made.
I will pray for you to give it all to Him once and for all. It’s the best feeling in the world. It takes practice – I practice everyday. I have faith He will free you if you ask and if you give it all to Him. Praying for you <3
Veronica, we just recently met through the online study but I never knew the depths you were struggling until now. Sometimes we see others in a light that puts them on a pedestal when in reality, we all live in this same fallen world, with struggles and pain. Your story sounds very imilar to mine, yet my son left home willingly at 17 due to his choices and here it is 11 years later, and he is still facing the consequnces. As a mom, we want to fix everything but I have learned to step back and let God repair our relationship and his life, but in God’s time. Not mine. Great guest post…. You are getting a lot of comments
Angie – thank you for your comments, your friendship and your prayers. My one hope in this life is that when others look at me they see Him and all the miracles he has completed through my family. Without Him I was a mess – a total basket case mess. But with Him I am everything He promises – I still struggle, I still have heartache and I still want my fairy tale ending – but those days are few and I don’t sink so fast now. I know I have my life line!
I loved your post. I did not like Chapter 5 AT ALL either. It is such a comfort to know that our God is in the redeeming business! I know that even though my children are grown that God is not finished with us yet. I pray to see my family grow in our relationship with the Lord. This study is really a blessing! Thank you!
Tammy I am glad I wasn’t the only one who felt that way about chapter 5 – lol. Thankfully God doesn’t ever put a time limit on His grace and mercy. Keep praying for your children and watch what God does through their lives. It might take years, but that just makes the victory that much sweeter <3
Veronica,
Thank you for being so HONEST about your parenting. From the sounds of it, we ALL struggle with the same issues! As my husband once called me, “a Mama bear” will do anything to protect her “cubs”! Even from God!! How wrong we all are/were!
You made the very real and good point about control. That’s the hard part isn’t it? Wanting the control. Not trusting that God can do as good a job as we can. I read Chapter 5 and felt every dart and arrow piece through the truth of my actions/behaviors. A relationship with Jesus is the key. Having a REAL relationship with Him, knowing and trusting Him. So simple but oh so difficult at times. It is becoming easier as I walk with Him though. The worry/fear are being consumed with His peace and love. What a beautiful thing. Thank you for this challenging study and your faithfulness in doing His will!
Thank you for your comment. To be honest I never would have thought anyone would understand where I was coming from. It’s nice to know I am not alone and that God can do so much for all of our families. It does get easier to hand over the control – I now wonder why I wanted all the control for so long – its exhausting lol.
Praying for you and your family
Sweet Veronica! Thank you for sharing your heart with us today. I too have watched you grow over the past year through these studies and you have been an inspiration to me. You know that I’m single but reading your story still breaks my heart because I know that I would have been the one to want to “fix” things. I still try to do that when I see my brother-in-law say mean and hurtful things to my nephew. Now, my words might be warranted but, again, it does boil down to control. I completely agree with you. The anxiety lessens and you begin to discover who you really are when you allow God to define your role in life. It’s so difficult to release control especially when doing so may cause what seems to be a worsening situation. However, it truly is freeing when you get to the other side and look back and realize God was working all things for good.
Love you sweet sister! Thank you for the encouraging word and I pray that God will continue to bless you!
Thank you so much Kristi – thank you for being with me through part of my journey, for your prayers and your friendship! I am truly blessed <3
Veronica’s honesty and transparency are inspiring.
Thank you very much – that’s what I was aiming for, the real me
Veronica, it takes alot of courage to open up like you have. I am very proud of you and everything you have done. No one is perfect and I don’t believe God expects us to be. All we can do is have faith in Him and try our best –and that’s what we have always tried to do. Some days are just easier than others. Always know that no matter what, I’m always here for you.
Love You!
Thank Debbie – love you too and I know you are always there. Love you very much
Wow how very appropriate for me right now. I just had major “heated discussion” with my 17 year old last night about his future, mainly where he is going to college. The only conclusion we came to was we were both crying and upset. He has some major me, me, me, issues and I am realizing today as I keep listening for God’s voice that I probably have a little bit of an issue with not wanting to let go and let God! Why didn’t the question of “have you prayed about it?” even come up? I so failed the test on that one. I have been praying for him but maybe I need to pray with him! Then today I have an issue with my 8 year old, he is in supervised studyhall today for an “incident” he was involved with this morning. Ugh! I posted on my fb wall today that I am the ceo of the bad mom club today. That is how I feel. But I also feel God’s still small voice is telling me it’s ok and HIS EYE IS ON ME, as I just read this morning in the book! How comforting to have His goodness and mercy!! I did read chapter 5 as well, yeah so needed that today too! On the brighter side of things, that is only 2 of my 5 boys, the other 3 are having good days, I think!?!?
First off can I APPLAUD YOU!!!! FIVE BOYS!!!! I am impressed. And hey 2 out of five is a good average!! I can’t even handle one boy. God has definitely given you a challenge but the good thing is – He never gives you anything you can’t do through Him
Thanks for your comment <3
Wow! Everyone has added so many wonderful thoughts here, lot’s of things for me to think about, thank you! In doing this study it is really helping me focus more and making myself re-focus on going along with what God wants not what I want. That said, I automaticly try to take things back even when I know that I just need to let go and let God take control!
I was a single Mom for over 14 years. I had lot’s of practise being in control myself. My son is grown in his 30′s and has 3 little growing kids now. He tends to parent without God leading him because he doesn’t have God in his life.
I feel as if I’ve been praying so much for their protection and for my son and daughter-in-law to hear God and follow his lead,but I’m finding I’m lossing my patience and have been getting very very discurraged. Logically I know it’s on God’s time not mine but emotionally I think it’s actually wearing down my faith at times.
So I’m thankful for this study even though I’m finding it hard to do at times! :0)
Oh how I have been there with the giving it to Him and then taking it all back. That was part of my journey-learning to leave it with Him.
Don’t get discouraged, I know it’s easy to do because I used to get that way too but being discouraged gives the devil a foothold and that we just don’t want to do!!!! I will say a prayer for you and your family
Wow…thank you for sharing your story Veronica. I just recently came upon this blog so have not read the book. But, I could so relate to what you wrote and the courage it took to share. My boys are now 22 and 20, and one is now out of the house serving in the military and I so often think about the choices we made when they were growing up. My husband and I both have only surrendered our life to God this past year…so God was not present in our home when our children were young. So many times this past year I have found myself starting sentences with…”if only.”
It is so true that God redeems families and as I read your post there were so many similarities to what are family life previously was like to what it is now. And, I know without a doubt that what was missing before was God. I’m so thankful he is present now. As you shared, I’m so thankful that out of a bunch of mess came something good.
Blessings to you.
God Bless.
Thank you….congratulations on you and your husband giving your lives to God, that is awesome. Also thank you to your son for his service to all of us, I know it’s hard on a mom’s heart. I am a marine corp wife so I understand the sacrifices. God bless to you and your family
Great job Veronica!! Thanks so much for sharing your heart with all of us! And I can relate to the do-overs!! I think I need em …but then again, would I be the same person I am today if I had em?? Probably not! The great news is that God has each one of us where HE wants us! We just have to trust Him where we are and in His timing. I loved how Micca told us to determine in our heart and mind that we’re need to trust God no matter what. And that we have to believe that He is faithful in all things. And that if we don’t believe that He’s faithful, we won’t trust Him at all. Instead we fret over our circumstances.
So thankful that God is showing you that He is faithful in ALL things and that He is building your faith in Him step by step. And with those steps, He’s the one removing the fear!
You go girl!!!
Thank you Donna!!! Thank you for all you have brought into my life: the laughs, the prayers, the crazy trip to visit crazy women. I am blessed to call you friend <3
Veronica, this is such a sweet message of great hope!! Thank you for sharing so honestly. Leaving room for God is one of the things that’s so easy to forgo in life, huh? Love how you’re moving aside and giving Him it all. It’s a thing of beauty.
Love ya girl!
Samantha
Thank you very much Sam, I know He works much better without me in His way. Things are a lot more calmer too
Love you too – thanks for the support and encouragement
Veronica your testimony is AMAZING!! How wonderful is God! Thank you for sharing this, my Matt is almost 17 and thinks he’s grown. He has an amazing heart but he makes excuses for his actions, can get lazy & disrespectful etc. I have to step back and let God & my husband take over, I wish I did that in the beginning. I know Matthew loves the Lord and has a personal relationship with Jesus so he’ll be fine, it’s just getting there! Wow, I didn’t mean to write all this but I guess I had to ;0), thank you again sweet lady! <3
Thank you so much Robin!!! I am Di glad to know it touched you. I pray for your Matt and for all your family <3
That should read ….so glad….
Dang autocorrect
Oh V, Thank you so much for sharing your story! You made me cry! I have been just mulling over the same thoughts.. Lord, I feel like a failure.. perhaps I should have done this and that different! Its funny but when i said that to the kids… they think we are a wonderful family! they think everything is great and we are closer and better than most.. Thank You Jesus!!! But I still look back and wonder…
BUT… as i have been pondering the last couple of days. i realize most of the time God was leading and guiding and He is and has been ( and will be faithful) My family has been crucified by the church, by our Christian brothers and sisters… breaks my heart, I even contemplated for a minscule moment if i did the right thing introducing them to my God( repented immediately) So we all have to live with the trials , ups and downs and RIGHT He never said it would be easy, but He did promise we would never be alone without Him…..
I do believe He has each one of us where we are supposed to be and I am blessed my kids ( and dh) still love the Lord, even though they are not thrilled with *religion* and are not so trusting of people who claim to be Christians.
I feel like my troubles are so small compared to some … but we hurt …. So thanks this really helped and it really helped open a door to something i have been feeling the Lord trying to speak to me about..Wish i could sit and have a cuppa with each of you! Love you and I will be praying!!
Oh Tracey your post brought tears to my eyes!! I thank you for sharing your struggles as well, always helps to know we aren’t alone. I am so sorry for the hurts you have experienced and that through that your son is cautious of Christians. I will be praying for you and your family <3
Veronica ~ What an awesome testimony girl! I feel even more blessed that I got to witness much of this transformation in you too! I often think the same thing about changing the past. But, if I did , I wouldn’t be where I am with Jesus today! God has a plan and his timing is perfect! I am so happy for you! Love you friend!!
Amen!!!!!! Truthfully, I always want to be in HIS will…
Thank you Lisa!! Thank you too for being by my side through this journey for your prayers, late night talks, encouragement, boldness, the laughs and joking around – thanks for being my partner in trouble
V, You have come so far and you are such an inspiration to us all. You have a beautiful way of writing and expressing yourself. I am so blessed to have watched you grow over this last year. Your strength really shows. You have helped so many today with your words, I am blessed to watch you grow
awww, Lisa now you are making cry….Thank you so much. I am very critical of my own writing so thank you for that. Thank you for your prayers and friendship through the past year.
Thank you Veronica for sharing your story. It really touched home with me. I too lately have been feeling like I with I had a “do over” with my three boys. I feel like I have made so many mistakes with them and have acted so badly in front of them or towards them at times. My sweet boys are my whole life and I love them crazy! I wish that I can take some things back or teach them better in many areas. I attend this weekly bible study and one of the leaders of my group grew up in a very Christian home. She in turn raised her two girls in God and right now they even attend a Christian College. I envy her at times and wish I would have had the same upbringing for my boys. We baptized them and pray at bed/dinner at times as well, but they have probably been in a church only a handful of times in their short lives. They do not go to CCD. They have no knowledge of the lessons of the bible. I only recently started getting back into my faith and hope it’s not too late to teach my boys. Thank you again for your post!
Oh Sandra, I know how you are feeling, that was me too. i fully believe it is NEVER too late to turn things around and God will be there if you ask Him to help you. Don’t be envious – I used to be but now I know that I am closer to Jesus and have a deeper relationship with Him, if I didn’t go through all that I didn’t I don’t think I would be where I am today. Stay strong, will be praying for you.
Thank you Veronica!! My parents are divorced and my brother and I were raised by my mother. My poor mother tried so hard to be a father and mother at the same time that she would be extremely tough and controlling at times. Lots of yelling and frustration, my poor mother was under so much pressure to raise us by herself. Now I have two little ones of my own, and at times I find myself being like my mother, but I don’t want to and pray God for his mercy and that I can be the mother he wants me to be to my children.
Powerful testimony indeed!
Thank you for sharing your story. I will pray for you and your role as a mother. God will help you, just reach out and He will answer you.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Veronica – what a testimony! It really spoke to me today (I’ve been wishing I could have a do-over in many areas lately.) God bless!
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your stopping by. Will be praying for you.
Veronica,
Very amazing post!! You are one courageous woman of God! That k you for sharing your story.
GOD BLESS!!
The you Michelle – I don’t feel courageous, just a mom who stumbled along until I finally surrendered to Jesus
Veronica! What an amazing testimony of GOD’S ability to transform us!!! Thank you for sharing your wonderous story. I, too, have those regrets of wanting “do overs” in my parenting, yet so soon old, so late smart!! I have a 30 year old that is a “failure to launch”, but I’ve given him up to GOD and trust and believe that GOD has him in HIS hands-he’s definiately out of mine!!
BLESSINGS TO YOU SWEET SISTER!!
Kendra thank you for you comments. I will be praying for you and your son <3
I want to thank each and everyone of you who supported me today and left comments. I just finished praying for each of you by name and for your children/grandchildren and family. I am so honored to be able to pray for God’s will in your lives and that His plan of redemption may be revealed to you. Thank you for your beautiful words and for taking time out of your day to leave me a comment. I am super blessed <3
Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your experience. This brought me to tears. My daughters are only 8 and 3, but I have a lot of regrets with my 8 year old. We ARE getting better. We go to church and we are really trying to set an example for our girls by having a relationship with Jesus. I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school, switched to Lutheran in high school and went to a Lutheran high school…(then went to a Methodist college
I now go to a NON-denominational church!!) Anyway, we went to church, did all the Catholic stuff, but I didn’t have a relationship with God… neither did my parents. If you don’t have one, you can’t instill it in your children.
I haven’t known you as long as some of the other ladies here, but your strength in what you have been through with your son is so inspiring. And this post is inspiring me to do better by my children. I already have regrets, but I have time to make the neccessary changes. Not to say I won’t still have regrets, but I have been given the tools and experiences of those around me to learn from. Not make the same mistakes, follow their examples. Thank you for your example!
Kandace thank you. I pray that you give those regrets to the Lord. One thing I have discovered on my journey is HE can do much with our “missteps” therefore we should not regret anything – instead learn from it and move forward. That’s what’s awesome and fills me with hope: He can and will redeem what we call regrets and make them beautiful. Love you my friend <3
Veronica, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I too have wanted do overs and been very controlling in my family. With these studies I have learned to give it to God and let him work instead of me trying to be in total control. I am blessed to have all my family under one roof again and the chance to show them God’s love and grace. Thank you again for sharing your story and being such a blessing!!
Denise thank you for sharing – so glad you are letting God direct your family and that you have your family back under one roof, a blessing I am sure
Veronica, I can relate to your story in many ways. It is so much better with God in control. Life is not easy or less messy, but we can trust Him to work good into our relationships and family past, present, and future. Thank you for sharing from your heart. See how God is blessing and affirming your obedience. I also thank God that your husband didn’t give up – he is with you for the long haul. I have an 18 year old who seeks loopholes, blames us for his problems, and generally shuts us out unless he needs something. This is very painful everyday occurence. I am praying the Lord will send someone to befriend him or come along side him to minister to his hurting heart, to challenge him to let God help him. Thanks for reminding me that other families struggle and not to give up or give in.
Oh Monica I know EXACTLY what you are saying with your 18 year old. That’s how my son has been for years now and it is physically, spiritually and mentally draining. I will be praying that God brings someone into his life to change his heart. I prayed that same thing for my son for years – and I believe that my son had to hit bottom before that could happen. And now he has many ppl in his life to redirect him and I am so thankful!!!
Thank you for the encouragement! Appreciate the prayers,too♥
Wow, I have an 8 yr. old son with Asperger’s and ADHD and Sensory issues, etc. I am JUST NOW realizing that I must let go of trying to control his outcome in life or I’ll go crazy. I really will, I just told my therapist this week: I’ve been living in crazy land for the past 8 years and I’ve aged so much by trying to fix everything for my son. I’m just now, literally, the past two weeks, been really saying, “God, what would you have me do or not do in this situation?” Obedience is the key word this week and it is so hard to do being the “doer” that I am, I think I have all the answers, when in reality, I don’t, God does. Thanks for sharing your story.
Gotta love sensory issues – oh my goodness, years of flashbacks just came to me as we had to deal with our sons sensory issues. He is hypersensitive so we could never take him to a big store like Walmart, target or a mall. Couldn’t go out to dinner, the list as you know goes on and on.
I have to laugh though bc I thought you said CANDY LAND instead of CRAZY land. I imaged the plastic gingerbread pieces running around at warp speed – lol.
Praying for you and your son
Thanks so much for sharing your story Veronica. Like you I thought I was doing it right. Took the kids to church, dropped them off in children’s church, prayed before meals, talked about God etc. But hubby and I both started out not knowing God so I felt like we were trying to catch up our kids. Hubby and I didn’t come to a relationship with God until our kids were close to double digits (9, 10, and 12). My son has ADHD and a VERY analytical mind. Today he is 14 and still hasn’t accept Christ, despite all of my efforts at family Bible study, family prayer, only allowing Christian music in the house,keeping undesirable tv, music, etc out of the house. I was feeling like a failure mom since my job was to teach my children about God and here was my stubborn, very intelligent but often difficult to be around son refusing a relationship with Him. This chapter really brought out the point to me that I have to let God have control. Only He can bring my son to a relationship with Him. I am charged with teaching my son about Him, not forcing a relationship on Him.
Ginny thank you for your comment. I have to agree with you, I tried forcing my son to go to church, to be “godly” but during one of my rants to him about how he needed God, a whisper spoke to me saying “is this the way to get him there, by ranting and arguing” I felt so ashamed and since that time, I have decided I will display how much I love going to church, reading my Bible, etc. and pray for him to come into a relationship with God. I trust God will get my son there. I will pray for you and your family.
Oh how I would love a do-over in my family. In raising our kids, now 13 and 11, we, too, had screaming and yelling and just complete conflict. I wanted things to be better than they were for me, my ex-husband wanted everyone to think we were the perfect, happy family. While all along he focused on how things appeared to the rest of the world, I tried to focus on raising happy, confident, full of self-esteem kids. I did get to the point of “I can’t take it anymore” when they were 9 and 7. Since “I” was the one that wasn’t happy, and “I” couldn’t take it any more, “I” was the one that left. When I told him I couldn’t take it any more, he made me right then and there sit down and tell the kids I was leaving. I moved out, and for 6 months he basically kept the kids from me, fearing I would abduct them. What he didn’t realize was that what I wanted for my children was whatever was going to be best for THEM. I lived in the same very small town for 2 years as we separated and divorced. We had 50/50 custody which worked well. The kids spent 1 week at a time with each of us, changing on Friday evenings. After 2 years of this, and me trying to survive in a VERY small town that my ex was from and I wasn’t, it became very difficult for me to stay. I chose to move away to a town 4 hours away, and I chose not to put the kids through a custody battle. They were 11 and 9 at this point. As hard as it was for me to make this decision, I knew it was what was best for THEM, even though it was not what was best for me. I made every effort to get to their games, and school programs, and to bring them to my house as often as I could. After 6 months, I met a wonderful man whom I chose to marry, but he lived another 6 hours away, for a total of 10 hours. So now for the last 2 years I have lived 10 hours away from my children, who live with their father, in a VERY small town, where they have always lived, where they have always gone to school, with friends they have always had, and grandparents that live close by. This is in no way the way I had imagined raising my children. What mother lives 10 hours away from her kids, and sees them only every 2-3 months. I miss them terribly, I love them like crazy, and want more than anything for them to have a normal life. They are happy kids, they are intelligent, involved in everything, and just plain good kids. Would I go back to their father? NO. He unfortunately has not changed much over the last 4 years, and in fact, has probably gotten worse about worrying what other people think. He is a good father, and loves his kids. Do I wish things would have gone differently? YES. After I read chapter 5 the first time, all I could think was “why didn’t I fight harder for my kids”? “why didn’t I make him hear me”? “why did I give up and leave”? “what was I afraid of’”? Unfortunately at that point in my life, I had been emotionally beaten down to a pile of nothing. My self-esteem was non-existant, and I had been made to feel completely unnecessary in my own home. Since then I have re-established my relationship with God, and He has shown me His amazing peace in this matter. He reassures me that He knows EXACTLY how I feel about having “sacrificed” my kids, for what was best for them. Don’t think the enemy doesn’t have a fun time with my mind on this one, because he sure does. But my God constantly reminds me that I am exactly where He needs me to be, with exactly who He needs me to be with. My husband is an amazing man of God, that has crazy faith. I am learning, but some days it doesn’t come easy.
Oh Sheri my heart ached as I read your story. I am so glad you are in a marriage that makes you happy, brings you to God and fills you. I can only imagine how hard that decision was for you not to take your kids through a ugly custody battle in a very small town. As moms, we want the best for our children always, even if that means our hearts get broke in the process. I pray that God will redeem your relationship with your children and that one day they may realize the sacrifice you did make for them. I will pray for you and your children. Keeping trusting and having faith in God <3
Veronica, how well I can relate to the desire for a do over in life!! But if we had the do over it would still be us doing the do over. God, in His amazing love for us restores us to His plan for us no matter how badly we’ve messed up. We don’t need the do over and shouldn’t want it because it would never be as good as His restoring plan for our household. Thanks for sharing, my Friend…..so well written. Love and prayers, Wendy
You are so right, a do over would still be me doing everything without God – never thought of it like that before. I am going to write that in my journal so I never forget it
Thank you for your support my friend. Love you and as always praying for you and your family.
Oh, Veronica…I love your honesty. How you wouldn’t want a do over, because you can see how Romans 8:28 is working out in your life! And I LOVE THE REDEEMED FAMILY!!! Thank you so much for sharing! What a beautiful writer and child of God you are!
One of my favorite verses
Thank you for the compliment – I guess I need to start beleiving it, many people have told me I am a good writer but for some reason I haven’t ever taken it to heart. I so want to be His child in all I do. He has become my EVERYTHING 
Thank you Veronica, for sharing your story. I would love a “do over” My kids are now 23 and 21 and I see so many mistakes that I made along the way. I was always getting in my husbands way and God’s way. But I do believe in God’s restoring love and am learning through faith not fear (and lots of prayer) that He will lead them back to His path.
Many Blessings to you and yours.
Florence, God will lead them to Him I have faith in that. They may go through lots of trials and hardships before they get there but God doesn’t want anyone to be lost to Him. One of the most important things we need to do as mothers is pray for our children, above all else – prayer!!! Have faith dear Florence and beleive in His word. Will pray for you and your family.
Thank you Veronica for your kind words and prayers.
Oh thank you veronica for sharing your story! I am a single mom of a teen boy, and I too thought I was doing my all by going to mass each week, sending him to a catholic school, saying prayers…. But a crisis with him led me straight to God…and to the Proverbs 31 website….and to melissas blog….and I now see I didnt really have an intimate relationship with God…and I was trying to do it all alone. But i am on my way and tring to bring Him fully into our life at home and show my son that I am striving for a closer relationship with God, and pray that he follows my example. He is 16 so I do have regrets about not living fully for Christ for all his younger years….but I am now and please say prayers that I let God lead instead of trying to control everything. Your story really touched me. Bless you and your family.
How do you get past the thoughts of the failures? I would like a do-over and fear it’s too late that my grown kids won’t respond now. I know totally that God can do anything and pray that He restores so they will be servants of Christ. I fear that they won’t respond because they have witnessed mom being a bit out of control or working in the flesh in the past and trying to be in control. I want them to see the changes in me as I have matured in Christ. Thanks for your story…it gives us hope.
Thank you so much for your testimony! I love your story. I’ve been struggling with balance in disciplining my 2.5 year old. I don’t want to be too harsh but I don’t want it to be a cake walk. I want her to know the lessons that life is hard and you can turn to God with anything but that doesn’t mean you’ll get whatever you ask for. It is so hard! I’m finding it even harder with nine month old twins. Every time the twins cry and you take care of them she cries thinking she can get her way. I keep having to explain that babies can only communicate by crying and your a big girl so use your words. I feel like giving up some days and just picking her up and giving her what she wants, but then I read your story and know I have to be string and force her to speak up! Thanks again for your story. I appreciate you openness and willingness to share!
Veronica, I’m so moved by your message — your willingness to be so vulnerable – your sharing so honestly. I know it was scary and took a lot of courage. But I am so darn proud of you!!I And I can’t imagine how the heart of your Heavenly Daddy feels because you were willing to share this so others might find and trust Him more. Your heart for Him and for us – to have the same hope and freedom you have found is beautiful!! I’m praying for God to show you how to walk in the security of Trusting HIm more and more each day as His plans for Matt and your family unfold.
Love you!
Renee
PS. Your post is so well written {and I’m proud of you for that too}. Smiles.
I just want to tell you how amazing your story is. It really has me thinking about my family and some things I need to take advantage of now. Thank you so much for stepping out and sharing that, I know it has and will touch so many families. Thank you Thank you Thank you!
I have been stressed out about raising my children in the right way
I will definitely have to read this chapter again!!!
Comments on this entry are closed.