Oct 9

The Exploders, Unglued Chapter 5, Tuesday & Wednesday

Tuesday & Wednesday~

Write your own reflection questions from Chapter 5. That’s right, it’s your turn to lead~smiles.

In the comment section of my blog, http://melissataylor.org, post your reflection questions. You can share your answers if you like or keep them personal.

I am looking for a guest leader in Week 5, maybe it will be you. Be brave, don’t shy away from this assignment.

What questions do you think we need to answer from Chapter 5?

For those of you just not ready to take this step, pick a set of reflection questions in the comment section to answer on your own. Let us know which ones you select.

Happy Studying!

 

Melissa

Comments

  1. My reflective questions are:
    What does Satan love for us to do?
    What are the 3 parts of a response template?Choose 3 key words for each part to help you focus on them better..
    What is the difference between holy restraint and self-control?

  2. Polly Schneider says:

    This is my second attempt at posting my questions, I don’t know what happened to the first post, it just disappeared just as I was really to send it. I almost came unglued :)
    1. What scripture reminds us that are enemy is not the person in front of us, but against Satan himself? answer pg 64
    2. What is the secret to healthy conflict resolution? answer pg 64-65
    3. What are the 3 points we need to remember when confronting someone who has hurt us? answer pg 68
    4. What is the difference between self-control and holy restraint? answer pg 75.
    Happy reading and God Bless.

    • Love your questions Polly…and the fact that trying to post almost made you come unglued. So can relate…how many times I’ve posted something only to have it disappear!!! It’s downright ungluing…

    • Thank you Polly! I didn’t have time to write my own questions this week, so I used yours as I was studying Chapter 5 this morning.

  3. Monica Del Rosario says:

    1. What are the 5 beautiful things discovered in the “quiet” that are the balm for the raw edges of a soul on the precipice of exploding?
    In those 5 things Lysa says “Because I can’t control the other person, I must focus on the good God is working out in me through this sitution and leave the outcome with Him”… Can you think of anytime in your life where because you felt lead by the Holy Spirit to respond with grace, that you know now how God used you in the situation for the good?
    2. Fill in the blanks: __________ _____________–His divine communication at work in us _________________–really can help us ______________ when we’re tempted to be exploders who blame.

    3. What do we have to do in the present tense that infuses our hearts with holy restraint and diffuses our reactions so we don’t spew.????

  4. I read a verse today in Psalm 68:1 that says, “God arises. His enemies scatter.” When God arises in our lives the enemies have to scatter. As I thought about that I could see where God was applying it to my life in so many ways. When He arises my impatience scatters, my resentment scatters, my selfishness scatters, my unglued reactions scatter. I can make imperfect progress each day as I let Him arise and take control. Have a great day sisters!

  5. There have been some amazing and thought provoking questions posted. Thank you all for sharing, I can’t wait to start answering them.
    Here are mine:
    1) On pages 72/73 Lysa refers to “my power” What is “my power”? Do you always feel like you have that power? Why or why not?

    2) What is the difference between self-control and Holy restraint? Which do you have? How can “imperfect progress” change that if needed?

    3) Like Lysa I want to be a “good mom” but often times I think I’m a “bad mom” . Maybe for you is “good wife” “bad wife”. Whatever your good/bad are, has this study started to change that perspective? How?

    4) In regards to a response template What does H.G.C. means?How can you show these qualities?

    5) In the world people are considered strong/popular/cool if they take a stand for something or are loud and obnoxious but Lysa says not once but twice “a gentle reply does not mean your weak; it actually means you posses a rare and godly strength” How would a gentle reply make you feel strong? Can you think of any gentle reply’s in the bible?

  6. Suzi lapere says:

    1. p.62 Soul warnings & hearing God whispers. Am I sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit when He warns me of impending emotional danger? Do I listen when I hear God whisper, “Suzi, don’t go there…seek me first.” This week pay attention to to the whispers and warnings & record them, your responses to them & the outcomes in your journal.
    2.Perhaps exploding is not your usual response but you love someone for whom it is. Use p.66-68 to help you craft a response template beginning with affirming them as a person who obviously ________ and ending with compassion & grace.
    3.if you’re like me you blame others, especially the ones you live with, for pushing you beyond your ability to exercise self-control. What tape runs through your mind over and over again? (Don’t they know how hard I try? Am I the only one who puts out fires all day long only to have everything unravel again the minute I finish? What’s the point, nothing ever changes.)) What would you say to a friend in this same circumstance? What scripture might you share with her to encourage her? Can you counsel your own heart as you would a friend’s?

  7. 1. Who are we fighting against when we come across a person or situation that makes us want to explode?
    2. List the three steps of the response template.
    3. Fill in the blank:
    “choosing a _____ _________doesn’t mean you’re weak”
    4. Write out Proverbs 29:18. What is another way of saying “revelation?”

  8. 1. What does Lysa say about rising up to give grace instead of giving in to our raw emotions and how does Ephesians 6:12 apply to this?
    2. Craft a response template that you can use to keep from exploding during a conflict. What does your template consist of?
    3.What is the answer to keeping God’s power with us and working in us and how can it help me produce self-control?
    4. What are some ways that I can use divine communication to deal with high-stress situations/conflicts?
    5. Identify three areas in your life in which you want to avoid exploding and later shaming yourself. How can you sip the shame so you won’t have to guzzle the regret later in these hard places?
    5. What are the five beautiful things that Lysa discovered as a result of getting quiet with God?

  9. I posted my questions yesterday, but had to pop on and let you know what my husband said today (keep in mind that the last 3 days has been nothing but chaos, bad news and a son who thinks he is boss. We were in the car and I commented on how much I have enjoyed the book I’ve been reading. He responded with, “I don’t know who this Melissa Taylor woman is, but whatever you’re doing with her seems to be working.”

    • christina t says:

      I CAN ALSO SAY MY HUSBAND TOLD ME YOUR LEARNING A LOT . HE WILL EVEN HELP ME GET CAUGHT UP WITH HOUSE HOLD CHORES SO THAT I HAVE MY TIME WITH THE OBS. HE SAYS” I DON’T WANT YOU TO FALL BEHIND”. HE KNOWS HOW UNGLUED EXCITES ME. HE LOVES TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE READ. I LOVE HOW HE LISTENS MORE. :)

      • Liz Reveal says:

        Hey Ladies,
        I am with ya! My husband loves hearing what I am learning and comments how he has noticed a change in me. Can’t have a testimony without a TEST. I know I have read CH 5 at just the right time. I love it today my husband pointed out to me that he is confessing a new confession of faith over me. “That is who I use to be, That my explosive behavior is not who I am today….” not that I won’t have my days but it really made me feel awesome to hear my husband say that to me…Thank you Lord for changing each of us and meeting us right where we are at….Amen!

    • That comment made me laugh aloud!!!! Out of the mouths of babes!

      Beth, OBS Leader

      • Ok, you girls are gonna make me cry! (Good tears of course!)
        I love when manly men step it up and bless their wife with encouraging words!
        I’m gonna be prayin for you ALL this week. As a widow I watch and observe couples and I intervene with prayer over many a couple because I so desire to see Godly couples becoming an example of His glory in a crazy society that needs to see purity and strength in marriages!
        Bless you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • haha :) that sounds like something my friends would say :) what a blessing!

  10. If you are an exploder, do you know how other people receive your anger? Try putting yourself in the shoes of someone who has been on the other end of your anger. Describe their reaction (what do you see and hear from them). If you are feeling really bold, take this a step farther and complete an “Empathic Interview” with this person. Ask them what they experience physically and emotionally when they receive their anger. Ask yourself (and the interviewee) if this anger brings you closer together or farther apart. Finally, does having a better understanding of what others experience when you explode at them change the way you plan react in the future?

    • Wow! This takes bravery and an open heart! What a great lesson. We’ve always been told to “walk a mile in another’s shoes” and this would certainly challenge me to do that. Thank you.

      Beth, OBS Leader

    • I learned a couple of weeks ago when my husband told me that I am not pleasant to be around. I know that makes my home a very uncomfortable place because I grew up with an exploder. If my mom was mad at one person, she was mad at everyone. I don’t want to be like that. I didn’t do an interview per se, but I did apologize to my family one night before bedtime prayers and ask for their forgiveness. I am much more concious now of my behavior and when I feel myself getting angry, I have to take a step back and make sure I don’t fly off the handle and say things I will regret.

  11. 1. When it comes to displaying self control, do you believe this statement – “I have a choice”? If not, what lies are the enemy is speaking into your heart?

    2. Are there specific situations or triggers that you can identify that bring you to the point of the “exploder”? What plan can store in your heart ahead of time so that you remain the one holding the power over your emotions?

    3. Name 2 truths that you have taken from this chapter. Tuck them into your heart and hold fast to them.

  12. Is there a way to explode without actually blowing your top and is it any healthier than just blowing up at everyone?

    • Kelly,

      I think some people explode on the inside but I don’t think it’s any healthier. I would actually have conversations in my head where I would completely “go off” on my husband or my ex-husband, but that didn’t make anything better. It just turns into resentment.

      • Mainly I am trying to figure out those times when you say things quietly or under your breath is more of the explosion or stuffer. Like say your cleaning your house and you hubby and kids come home make a mess. Don’t pick up after themselves and leave you doing all the work. Then you go about your cleaning talking more to yourself than anyone else saying “No one appreciates me ever. They all think I am their slave and I am merely hear to clean up after them. They never acknowledge all the work I put in both at work then hear. No they don’t even notice I am even around. The worse is my hubby who acts in a way that teaches these kids that ‘Mom doesn’t matter’, Yet he expects to be thanked for the little things he does after I asked him 20 to 30 times already.” You see sometimes I explode I just yell at the top of my lungs but other times I just talk to myself. Maybe others can hear me maybe not but I am not really yelling at them. So is that self talk exploding or stuffing.

        • Both?
          I think it’s stuffing in one sense, (oh, I am right there with you –I visioning the whole scenerio–been there done it msny times!)
          If there could be a family meeting so you can calmly express how you’re feeling. And ask for help

  13. Cindy Williamson says:

    My reflection questions are:
    1. What are the 2 types of exploders described in this chapter? Which one, if either best describes how you react? Exploders who shame themselves & exploders who blame others. I am both. I always shame myself later even if during the conflict I blamed someone else. I don’t always blame, but I always shame.
    2. In Ephesians 6:19 how often does it say we should make known the Gospel? Everytime we open our mouth.
    3. According to page 68 what 3 things should we extend to someone with whom we are having conflict ? Honor, Grace, & Compassion
    4. What is the difference in self control & Holy Restraint? Self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit & Holy Restraint is the seed of that fruit.
    5. What does it mean when we digest God’s truths? It means we don’t just know them & hear them, but we take them in & make them part of who we are & how we live.
    6. One way we learned we could make imperfect progress was by finding the____________. Beyond the things Lysa listed, name one thing you think you can find in the quiet that will truly help you make imperfect progress. Finding the quiet. I had to think about this one for quite a while, but I truly believe that when I am alone & quiet with The Lord tears help me to make imperfect progress. I know that may sound weird, but when you cry in the presence of the Father it seems to release your hurt, your fear, & your emotions.

  14. Roberta walters says:

    chapter 5

    1 Lysa worns about starting the day with opening up information from the world before exchanging whispers with God how do you start your mornings? does this affect the tone for the rest of the day?

    2 Do you ever think throught a situation and realize the down side of your reaction before you put it out? can you relate with sip the shame not to guzzle the regret? do we act like people who love Jesus? would this one thought first change the way we respond?

    3 when situations come up and they do ! do you stop and think about the fight that is really going on between satan and man? do you see the other person as the one responsible for this situation or that satan wants us to act like him and tear each other down?

    • Elaine Ledlow says:

      Roberta your first question is one that I do not even have to think about! Last year I set my alarm and gave myself just enough time to get ready and head out for another day with students. These days were often difficult with either drama in the classroom or with someone else. I found myself stuffing, then later exploding and blaming and finally shaming myself. Needless to say It was a difficult year. In October my husband had a stroke and I was off for two months caring for him and finally having to deal with my own health. During that time I realized God had always been with me, but it took me several falls to realize I needed to listen more and seek him more. I started to allow extra time daily to talk to the Father and read a devotional. I noticed that when I started my day like this the entire day was filled with a calm and peace that I had not experienced for a while. Fast forward to this year and I make it a point to start my day with a devotional and talk. What a difference. A particular co-worker was causing me lots of problems and when I began praying for her and myself I realized that even when she was harsh it did not hurt me. My favorite quote in this chapter is to make a gentle reply does not show weakness, but that you are a strong and Godly person. Wow what an aha! This year has been a refreshing joy! I am able to stop myself at least part of the time so I believe I am making imperfect progress. I have had several co-workers ask me if I am in therapy or taking some good drugs. My answer is always the same: I am letting God lead and trying to follow. This is not always easy but I have improved immensely.

      • Good job Elaine. I pray your husband is doing better and it really makes a difference when others can see the change in your life. Prayfully your testimony and your changes is helping others around you.

  15. Beverly Butler says:

    What a chapter, with so much to ponder and filled with Jesus Glue. I don’t know about you all but I love this Glue!!! My Aha moment – Who is the real culprit in a conflict? The answer completely changes how I will handle future conflicts – imperfect progress. Thank you.

  16. Here are my review questlons:

    1. To keep God’s power working within us we need to study God’s word. Lysa mentions reciting God ‘s word when facing situations. What tactic will you develop to recall God’s word in those moments?

    2. Identify those moments in your life when you excercised self control and/or when you felt restrained by God. What was the outcome?

    3. In the midst of an angry moment, Lysa will try to refrain from exploding by saying “I have a choice”. What can you say or do to stop yourself from exploding?

    • As I was listening to Focus on the Family one morning, a guest speaker was discussing how our reactions have a negative reacting on our teenagers. When they give us attitude or sarcasm we may immediately respond with disdain. In these situations she said she would immediately cover her mouth as a physical reminder to not respond at that moment. I felt this was a great tactic to employ when I feel an explosion brewing.

  17. Ponder these:

    Respond to hurtful words with honor, grace and compassion.

    Feelings are indicators, not dictators. I have a choice how to act. Self-control comes from holding on to God’s power which I do by holding on to his Word.

    We need divine communication to hold back the explosions, stop blaming and shaming.

    Holy restraint – the internal experience of living with Christ and applying his truths to my life – this is the seed that produces the fruit of self-control.

    In the quiet – we humble ourselves before God, are lifted to a more rational place, we acknowledge that our real enemy is not the other person, and we rest assured that God will work for good – regardless of the outcome.

  18. Barbara R. says:

    1. Lysa talked about responding with H.G.C. Honor, Grace, Compassion. How can I remember to respond this way when the heat is on in a conflict?
    2. What must I do or change to have God’s power working in me?
    3. How often do I need to visit my prayer closet?
    4. Am I making imperfect progress?

  19. 1. Lisa says, “Do not check in with the screaming demands of the world before you exchange whispers with God.”

    How has practicing this changed your perspective?

    2. Think about what Lisa says: “My job is to be obedient to God in the midst of my own set of issues.”

    Share one scripture that helps you obey in the midst of your issues.

  20. Think of someone who always seems to have a way of provoking you to react in a way that doesn’t honor God. Is your reaction a valid one, or is it just your perception of the situation based on your past or what is going on in your life at the time? What steps can you take to keep from coming unglued?

  21. This bible study has really confirmed to me that my response to a very difficult situation was handled appropiately. I learned that there are exploders lurking around when you least expect it. God is so good and he always sends around the right message to you right on time. Thankful.

  22. Elaine Ledlow says:

    There have been so many wonderful questions and discussion that I am not sure that any thing can be added. But I shall try!
    1. Lysa reminds us that feelings are indicators, not dictators. How can I take this to heart and use it to continue my imperfect progress?
    2. She uses Isaiah 55:10-11 to remind us how to tap into God’s power. In order to put this to work are we ingesting or digesting God’s word? Did this passage provide any thoughts on how you might change one response?
    3. Is it really necessary to look to God’s word before you begin your day? Explain your answer.
    4. Did any of the five things Lysa discusses about the quiet touch you more than the others? If so which one and why? My favorite is number 5 because I at times need to remind myself that God is always using the event for his pupose. Grace is often a difficult thing to accept when all I want to do is tell that person off, but when I stop first and think I realize I was saved by Grace and it is imperative that I give Grace!

  23. Chapter 5 Question’s

    1. Do not check in with _____________ before you exchange _______________________. (pg. 62)

    2. What is the key message in Ephesians 6:12; 6:19 as it relates to conflict?

    3. What are the 3 key components in crafting your Response Template? (pgs. 66-68)

    4. Choosing a gentle __________doesn’t mean your _________; it actually means you _________________. (pg. 69)

    5. Who holds the power in conflict? (pg. 72)

    6. What is the difference between ingesting and digesting God’s word? (pg. 75)

    7. What can you find in your quiet time? (pgs. 76-78)

  24. Reflection questions for Chapter 5:

    1) On page 43 Lysa says, “Sip the shame so you won’t have to guzzle the regret” What does this quote mean to you?

    2) Are you an exploder? Which type of exploder are you? Or are you more like me and have different reactions based on the situation?

    3) Lysa states, “ People stand on one side of a conflict and Satan stands on the other”. Does this quote influence your perspective on conflict? If so, how?

    4) Feelings are ________, not ___________.

    This means I have a __________.

    These were two powerful statements that I need to remember; I thought someone else might need help remembering them as well.

    5) How does holy restraint differ from self-control?

    I am not going to post my answers right now, but I will post them later on this week.

    Hope everyone is having a great week and learning a lot! I know I am ☺

    Goodnight from Virginia

  25. Melissa W says:

    I just wanted to share , not review questions, just real life moment to ponder. Recently my 4 year old was tested by the audiologist through a routine preschool screening and found to have severe hearing loss in one ear. We were referred to a specialist and it was found to be true and in fact she needs a hearing aide. In speaking with the doctor, he told us to guard her other ear from infections, noise and such that could cause damage in that ear, since this is a drastic change from the last hearing test she had done 2 years ago. No mama wants anything to be wrong with their babies, but this really laid on my heart and was so happy that this bible study and book was placed in my life. I had a breath taking moment where a ligh tbulb turned on and I realized “What if she loses her hearing tomorrow and the last thing she hears was her mom ‘exploding’ out of uncontrolled emotions?” How humbling is that. So today and I hope for the rest of my life I will chose my words wisely. Make the “pause” as long as it needs to be so my words can be sweet as honey.

    • I am amazed at the 120+ comments here, that I paused and read yours. My daughter was diagnosed “deaf” in one ear and diminished in the other at age 3, she is now 10. What you say is so true. The words she does hear-I want them to be loving, kind words. I guess I’ve grown ‘used to’ her hearing deficit and don’t worry so much about it now. But I need to be sure what I am saying all the time is uplifting . THANKS!!

      on another note, if you ever wish to share with a mom who has been through all the hearing tests, hearing aids and all, please contact me. My daughter was medically determined to be unable to be aided by hearing aids when she was about 6. My husband and I were just discussing 2 days ago what we could do with these adorable purple hearing aids. I am not sure if there’s a way they could work for you, but if they could it would so bless us, and my daughter, to share them with another little girl. I am not sure you will see this email, or how to have you contact me. Not sure I want to put my email out there for the whole world…but don’t mind sharing with the OBS people.

      How could we contact one another?

      ~Valerie

  26. Charlotte Oliver says:

    A day late…imagine that :) but here are my reflection questions:
    * When your feelings and emotions start to dictate your actions what do you do? Think of a situation that your feelings did dictate your actions, what was going on at the time? as there an indicator?
    * Write a list of your indicators. Think about situations, stressors and yes sometimes other personality traits that begin to trigger an explosion. Now how could you better deal with tham?
    *How do you handle conflict resolution? Think about and write down a conflict that didn’t go exactly as you hoped. Now write out a response template that could have changed that.
    * Find your quiet place! Sometimes for me in a house of 6 with little ones mixed with teens that only place is in my car in the garage (they still don’t know I go there) or the laundry room because no one wants to be there. Wherever it may be for you find it and begin spending time in quiet in His presence. It may begin as only a few minutes and that’s ok God knows where we are and He will meet us there.

  27. Steph Fink is a dear friend and great blogger, check out her blog today and get them emailed to you a few times a week, you will not be sorry! Love her humor and her posts! I know God put her in my life for many good reasons! Hugs ladies, I have to get to work now!

  28. We are a tad late but nevertheless here are the questions that we wanted to share with you all. Our online group is really enjoying Unglued and have received such blessings from Melissa & Lysa. Thank you both for everything that you do. It is MUCH appreciated!

    1. When conflict arises, who is the opposing force?

    2. Who is our real enemy and why do we need to put on our spiritual armor daily?

    3. What power does our tongue hold?

    4. What is H.G.C. and when should we use it?

    5. What is the difference between a reaction and a reply?

    6. How do we keep God’s power within to produce Self-Control?

    7. Lysa talks about Self-Control and how quoting memorized scripture keeps your heart in a much better place. She suggests keeping verses handy to use. What are some of your “go-to” scriptures in your times of need?

    8. How is Holy Restraint different from Self-Control?

    9. What are the 5 steps to “Finding the Quiet”?

    Blessings -
    4:10 Friends

  29. Chapter 5 Discussion Questions
    1) Do you feel that you can relate to the reactions of an exploder? How so, or why not?
    2) Lysa mentions preparing in advance for the raw emotions that we know have the potential to surface. (Pg 60-61) Is this something you have considered doing or have done? How do you think it would make a difference for you, or how has it already proven to do so in your life?
    3) On Pg. 32, Lysa references the warning she was given not to “check in with the screaming demands of the world” before taking time to “exchange whispers with God.” Is this something you have struggled with or currently struggle with? Why do the “screaming demands” win over the “whispers”? Can you think of times when you have chosen to “exchange whispers” first? If so, did you notice a differenc in your emotions throughout the day? How can you become more intentional about making that choice in the future?
    4) “Sip the shame so you won’t have to guzzle the regret.” (Pg 63) Is this a concept that you feel would help you to not explode in a difficult situation? Why or why not?
    5) How does the realization or reminder that our enemy is not the other person, but Satan, effect the way you think about conflict? (Pg 64-65) Will it, or does it, effect your response? How so?
    6) What do you think of having a Response Template? (Pg 66-69) Is this something that you feel you could put into practice? Is there something you would do differently? How do you feel it would benefit your relationships? Give an example of a natural response you may have vs one that would result from having these guidelines in mind? (Honor, grace, compassion)
    7) How does looking at feelings as indicators and not dictators effect your view of their power? (Pg 72) How does it effect your view of yourself in regards to being empowered by God rather than powerless in the midst of emotion? (Pg 72-73)
    8) Was the knowledge of the difference between self-control and holy restraint new to you? (Pg 75) If so, what got your attention?

    • (Guess I got a little carried away…wrote so much, my phone wouldn’t let me continue, haha)

      …here are the rest of my late and crazy-long questions:
      8…continued…) What are some ways that you can nurture Holy Restraint in your life?
      9) How can meeting God “in the quiet” be both a benefit and more of a natural response for you? (Pg 76-79) Next time, when given the choice and you do choose to meet Him there, take a few mental notes or write in your notebook of how you felt, and the different steps you took as a result. **Note: If you do not notice a difference right away, just remember “imperfect progress” :) **

  30. 1. What are the raw emotions that lead to outburst as an exploder?
    ~
    Unfair behavior, lack of common sense and selfishness (just a few).
    Blaming others for not fulfilling my thoughts of what is a common ground.
    I need to realize they are individuals whose thought patterns are not the same as mine. Without communication I don’t know their thoughts and they don’t know mine. I need to embrace that choosing a more gentlier reply doesn’t make me weak just stronger in my walk with God.
    ~
    2. How can we stop reacting to the screaming demands of the world around us?
    ~
    Give myself a time out. {Even just 5 minutes} When I feel the walls moving in I need to take a walk to the bathroom down the hall or shut my door and put on a Christian Radio Stream in my office. 5 minutes could mean a world of difference in what I might say and do, that would change the worlds of others around me.
    ~
    3. HGC ? What does it mean to me…
    ~
    This question sounds like something that should be in aa song verse…lol But it means while taking my 5 minutes to reflect that I put together a more less direct or in your face response when dealing with others…Honoring their emotions and feelings while allowing Grace for that moment that set things spinning in my head at them and ending with some Compassion for this hard to love moment with this person. Gentle replies are not always easy and many times saying I will have to have a moment to digest this might be the best answer than picking up the rocks I have piled up to throw in the corner of your mind. You see I may always collect the rocks as a self defense in my nature but I have a choice if I pick them up or not….It is a choice of Self-Control. And we all have a choice even when we think we don’t in the heat of things.

  31. I am very late, but better late than never. I read Melissa’s post from Friday (I think?) after I was in church today, thinking that I really need to get caught up on this Bible study. I’ve been enjoying it and anything that keeps me in the Word of God, encourages me with experiences from other women is worth keeping up with. So here are my reflection questions:

    1. What are we remember about our words in a conflict? (Look at Eph 6:19): Whenever we speak our words should fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel. So in the heat of a conflict, I should speak words that make people think, “What, that is not what I expected. How is she so calm and loving and gracious and patient?” It is by the grace of God and his power within me. I must show that I am a woman who loves God and is loved by God at ALL times.

    2. What are the steps of the response template?
    Honor the one who offended me; Keep my response short (there is verse in Proverbs about a man of many words) and full of grace, End by extending compassion (but do not be fake with it).

    3. What does Lysa mean by “my power” when dealing with self-control? God’s power working in her.

    4. What is the answer to keeping God’s power in ourselves and working to produce self-control? I must LET God’s Word get inside of me. Study the Word, read daily, post scriptures everywhere so I can have them readily available. I must quote the scripture in the present tense when I am in a situation.

  32. Hi Ladies,

    Sorry these are so late, we have had lots going on at our house this week! I am so happy I finally got to this part of the study. I really appreciate all that you do, Melissa, after taxing my brain for questions to just one chapter!!!

    1. At the beginning of Chapter 5, Lysa shares an example of a situation in which she made a big deal out of something that shouldn’t have been a big deal, and that caused her to come unglued and affected her ability to get dressed:) Have you ever found yourself in that situation? Please Explain.

    2. Can you identify with the “Exploder who shames herself”? How? Do you notice it with certain people or rather in specific sitautions?

    3. Do you have any Scripture “in your back pocket” that you can use to find your soul integrity? Please share.

    4. Work through Lysa’s example to craft your own response to being an Exploder.

    5. Can you identify with the “Exploder who blames others”? Why or why not? If so, who do you find yourself blaming most often?

    6. What is the difference between self control and Holy restraint?

    7. Can you add to Lysa’s list of benefits of intentionally getting quiet when all you want to do is explode?

  33. Stephanie E says:

    How do you honor someone you feel has wronged you so deeply you can’t think of any “redeeming” qualities??

    What are some favorite verses to call to mind in a moment when I need self control?

    • Lucy morales says:

      Stephanie that is something I would like to know. Chapter 5 was great! I love Lysas honesty and transparency with us. I’ve been really working on taking a time out before reacting. But as Stephanie asked how can I keep honoring someone that continues to push my buttons an get me unglued. I know in the bible it says to submit to your husband. If he disrespects you by becomin unglued himself and passing on his uncontrolled behavior, how can I abide by Gods word. Help me to remember the verses as I take a time out to refocus.

      • Stephanie E says:

        I agree….my problem this past year has been discovering my spouse of only 1 1/2 years was cheating on me. After several months of separation, we attempted counseling, despite the opposition of my family and friends, only to find later the same behaviors were still continuing:(. Needless to say, I will be divorced this month and have had many unglued moments….lots of stuffing, but also lots of exploding with him. I really dislike the negative emotions and bitterness, but when I read Lysa’s comment that “most people have a good quality you can focus on”, I thought “yeah right, not him”. I’m praying that God will allow me to see him as God does, as a lost and broken individual, so that I can process forgiveness. I do believe it’s important that we attempt to rise above those unglued emotions to show others not our strength, but God’s strength working in us. Easier said than done, but imperfect progress right here:)

        • Just Keep Praying Girl. I will pray for you as well. I will pray that you are able to let go of this bitterness and forgive this man for hurting you. Because you deserve to forgive him even though he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.

  34. Of this fruit.I am sorry, but l am not understanding the difference of self -control as a fruit of the holy spirit and holy restraint a seed of this fruit.
    Please can someone explain that in a different way than on page 75?

    • Barbara Prince says:

      I can agree that this was a bit confusing to me also and only Lysa will be able to give us the correct answer. However, when you think about a fruit, it has seeds inside of the fruit. Those seeds are capable of producing the same fruit. So, it we have the fruit of the Spirit called self-control, it will be reproduce in those seeds and she is calling those seeds “holy restraint”. When we restrain ourselves through the Holy Spirits gift of self control we exercise that holy restraint. Does that help any?

    • Well this is just me but I have to say. Self-control is the evidence of the work the Holy Spirit is doing while Holy Restraint is the implantation of the Holy Spirit in your life. So you accept Christ and he puts the Holy Spirit in you who is your guide. The Holy Spirit shows you the way. You read the bible and learn and apply those truths to your life. Those truths are the seed of Holy Restraint. Once you have those seeds and the Holy Spirits guidance you can then have Self-control. Hopefully more people will get in on this discussion because I have given this alot of thought because it confused me as well. I am hoping to either be right or to gather others thoughts and we all figure it out together. If you do not mind I want to use this for my group and see if I can get insight from those ladies as well.

  35. Thanks. So by spending time with God & quoting God’s word in the present tense, His truths become part of who I am and how I live. This is Holy Restraint, the seed.
    And that seed with the help of the Holy Spirit will produce the fruit called self- control.
    The seed is internal the fruit is external.

  36. 1. What happens to raw emotions?

    Raw emotions are complicated. They come from nowhere and run us over with a slap. They will move outward if we are an exploder and they inward if we are a stuffer.

    2. What is the balance between unhealthy exploding and unhealthy stuffing?

    The balance between unhealthy exploding and unhealthy stuffing is soul integrity. Soul integrity is when our honesty is godly.

    3. How to find our Soul Integrity?
    We find out Soul Integrity by reading scripture so we can apply God’s word to our response verses be led by our emotions.

    4. Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They indicate there is a situation that I need to deal with but they shouldn’t dictate how I what react_______________.

    5. What is the difference between Self-Control and Holy Restraint?
    Self-Control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and it is the external expression of our relationship with God.

    6. Why is important to find quiet?
    It is important to find quite before we explode blame others or shame ourselves, so we can pause and review the situation. Look at scripture and hear from God on how we should react. Let God words guide our thoughts and actions.

  37. Maybe l am not translating it right?
    What is meant by making the mystery known?What mystery and how?
    The cross and what took place that day?