Welcome Incredible Ladies!
I would like to start off by introducing myself. My name is Jamy Whitaker and I am on the Teaching Team for Let.It.Go. as well as an Executive Assistant to Melissa Taylor. It is such an honor to be a part of Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Studies. I have been a participant in the studies from the very beginning. I have been both personally and through the online community seen what an impact these studies are having around the world providing Real Hope for Real Life. I would like to thank Melissa for giving me the opportunity to share with you this week.
Assignment for Today:
Read Chapter 6 ~ Hovering over the Home
Doing a video search for “right way”, I was blown away by the vast number of people feeling compelled to show everyone how to do something the right way – their way. Can you believe the nerve? Certainly there is more than one acceptable way to accomplish a task.
I began to think about the previous week around my home. Our five children have chores to do around the house, which for the most part get completed, but I seem to be the first to point out how to do a task the right way or even redo chores, such as folding clothes if not done properly. Then it hit me, I am just like the people in those videos showing my kids the right way to do chores.
There is more than one way to do most, if not all tasks we ask them to do. Therefore, I need to be cautious not to set the tone of my way or the highway with my family. I might explain how I do a certain task, but let them go about the chore their own way. Who knows, they may have thoughts of a better or more efficient way? Even if they don’t, it simply matters whether the job is completed, not how.
Your Response:
How is the tone in your home? Do you hover over your family or have you let go? I am looking forward to hearing from you in the comment section.
Pins for this week:
http://pinterest.com/pin/221520875393860256/
Blog Hop Topics for Thursday:
1. Domestic Diva. Not everyone feels very domestic when it comes to keeping our home in or, but our reflection verse reminds us that we don’t do everything. Instead, we take charge of managing our home. How does this verse change your perspective of joyfully taking care of the home front?
She watches over the activities of her household ~ Proverbs 31:27 HCSB
2. Tin-Pot Pampers. Chapter Five. Let’s face it mom’s, we either micromanage our kids or do everything for them; we can’t help it, they’re so gosh darn cute! But not everyone here has kids. Moms, what insights can you share with everyone from what you’ve learned from both your experiences and by reading this chapter? Is there a victory you can share about how you’ve nurtured your kids by letting go?
3. Hampering Home. Chapter Six. Ok, I was going to share a little picture of my home…but it’s beyond messy at the moment {6 week old baby takes precedence over that pile of books I’ve needed to sort and put away for 6 weeks}. Sometimes the dust bunnies just keep multiplying because there’s no one to sweep them away. How did you find Chapter Six helpful for taming your home by sharing the responsibilities?
4. Put your hands up! It was only three short years ago that I got married to my best friend and just seven weeks ago that we welcomed our first child into the world. Sooooo…these two chapters seem to fit a much later time in my life. I know not everyone here has kids or is married. But we can still walk away from these chapters with some wisdom. What is the one thing from these chapters you hope to hold on to for the future??
Sponsor a Child
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This chapter basically reminded me that my home has a tone of utter chaos–I DESPISE housework. I lack organization. I love how nice people’s tidy homes look, and I am embarrassed at the state of mine. But, it seems I don’t hate a messy home enough to really get in and do anything more than kinda keep up with dishes and laundry. I feel lazy and inferior about it. Things have been like this for YEARS, and now a somewhat annoying job is completely overwhelming. I really don’t know how to fix this…
I don’t ask for iron-fisted control of this, because I would be an idiot to do so–who could tell the difference if I demanded things to be put away? Where?
This is really depressing…
Carissa in eastern Iowa
This was such a great chapter for me today. I wish I had this wisdom when my boys were younger. I underlined so many different lines like: “Be a thermostat and not a thermometer. Set the tone and environment in your home.” A good reminder. “Counsel is not barking. Counsel is not belittling…we should not be controlling, or complaining with criticism.” Ouch – guilty! “Praise often” was a title over a paragraph that I underlined as a good reminder to see the good things my boys do and not just the things they forgot to do. “Embrace Imperfect” was also a title over a paragraph that tugged at my heart – learning to lower my expectations is becoming easier for me. My husband likes to point out that the shoes at the back door will soon be gone and the stack of laundry will be just our hamper one of these days. So I’m smiling as I clean my house today because I still can influence my family in a positive way.
I have struggled over the years to try to keep our house looking “picked up” all the time. Now that I work and am not home during the day, I have been amazed at how my men all pitch in to get dinner on the table, do the laundry and even make the beds. It may not be the way I would have done it – but it got done. So that 2+2=4 illustration is in my head 4ever!!
The tone in my home is definately “my way or the highway.” I hover over my husband when he does chip in so he usually avoids doing so until I’ve driven him crazy enough with “helpful reminders.” I realized through reading this chapter that the only way I’ve ever really verbally explained expectations is through criticism when something is not done to my liking. I found this ch to be particulary invigorating because it makes me see letting go as a challenge and gives me specifics on how to make changes in our home. one thing I’m still unclear about – its just my husband, nearly 4yr old daughter and myself. I stay at home. There’s an expectation there that everything in the house should be done by me because I stay home. So if we have this family meeting I would like to have and the ch spoke of, should there be responsibilities given out? Right now its more like, if they want to help, its a favor to me. So when I get upset about them not doing it my way, its eseen as an even bigger slap in their face.
This one hit home… especially in the early days of my marriage. Everyone knows you fold your towels in thirds best to fit on the shelf… and dirty clothes go in the laundry basket correct… and you don’t stuff the washer packed full.. . In this area I have (and am still learning) to let go. My husband now folds laundry… towels still in halves so I just jam them in the shelf… I no longer re-fold… if his shirts come out rumpled… well he is wearing them not me… I am having to learn to accept that he may not do things my way… but he does DO things to help around the house- so I am grateful for my caring husband… Now if I can just let my 24 year old daughter “go” and quit trying to rearrange her furniture… I mean it goes so much better if you move it my way
The tone in my house is either at one end or the other. Rarely in the middle. Living with 2 teenagers is always a challenge. One minute they get along, the next they are fighting and I’m yelling for them to stop. There goes the tone… My family has a great sense of humor and that shows a lot. My kids friends like being at our house. I would like to work on the down tones that creep in. Satan works his magic and poof, it’s gone. This book is really touching my heart. It’s teaching me where I need to be a better wife and mother.
Boy this chapter hit me right between the eyes–i have been one of those “it’s my way or the highway” I believe as I gain wisdom (my son’s way of telling his 50+ patients) I am learning it’s not all about my way–sometimes life comes along and changes the whole way you do things–sometimes having a house in complete order isn’t as important as spending time with your children when their home for a few days–I am trying to learn to let go and allow each family member do things the way that best suits them–now I have to say I’m having to “bite” my tongue still–give more praises–hugs–and thanks for their way of “handling” the chores and not going back behind them to redo I’m a work in progress trying to allow God’s Holy Spirit to direct my speech!
I dont have any children, howeveri have been cleaning houses for over a year. I follow in my moms footsteps when itcomes to the keeping of the house. I do things like she did when I was growing up.
Chapter 6 really made me think! I am so bad about going back behind my husband and redoing things I’ve asked him to do! I really liked the analogy of counting to 4 because there is more than one way something can be done, even though it may not be my way! I need to work on giving my household over to the Lord and asking for his direction when it comes to running it.
I am trying to create a more positive tone in my home. So many changes and growing pains in the last few years, have caused me to become more negative than I have ever been in my life. I am trying not to hover, but I am having a hard time in that area. I feel like I remind my daughter all the time of things she should do, or finish, or do like I would. I really want to stop doing that. I have asked my daughter to help me remember there is more than one way to make 4. I really liked that and it is something that I need to remember. I also like the part about preventing a forest fire. This is soooo true!!!
I also have a question for everyone. I truly feel that God has called me to be at home for this season in my life. I have one daughter who is 8 years old. How can I be a homemaker, stay at home mom, and not feel like I’m responsible for keeping the house in “perfect order”? By not working outside the home I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove something to myself, my husband, or others. I don’t want to be lazy or waste my time or have anyone else think I do, so I feel I should be able to keep it all perfect. I feel that all the housework is my responsibility because I don’t go out to work everyday. My husband works very hard and is gone a lot, so I feel it is my job to keep the house. My daughter does help around the house with her things, and my husband does things around the house too when he is here. I struggle daily and especially snow days (like today) when my schedule gets messed up and my clean house gets messed up because people are here. I truly want to focus on the relationship with my daughter and husband not the clean house, but I struggle. I know I sound crazy but I don’t feel as alone, since reading this chapter. I sometimes think if my husband understood God’s plan the way I see God’s plan, things would be easier. Maybe I wouldn’t feel I had to prove something to him. I do some very part-time work, doing misc computer work, but I struggle with feeling the need to prove something daily. If my house is perfect then I feel like I accomplished something but that is so temporary. I used to work full-time before I had my daughter. We do not live near family, so I really have no one to watch her for example on snow days and I really want to be at home to be here for my daughter especially since my husbands schedule is always changing. I guess I am asking for prayer to be delivered from feeling the need to always prove myself and trying to do it all in one day.
Robin, I too struggled with this in the early years of my marriage. It didn’t help that my husband had similar views, that a woman’s job was to rule the home and it is to be immaculate at all times since we had no other life besides our home. Also, we didn’t have kids right away, so in some ways, I really had no excuse. i slowly came to one big conclusion: you need to have a life outside the home, whether it is girls night out or something. Even though you may be home more, therefore the majority of the duties will fall on your shoulders, no way is it exclusively your job to keep the abode “better homes and gardens” quality at all times. Otherwise, its not going to be fun to live in. The purpose for being a stay at home mom is to provide unique one on one teaching and bonding.
right now I’m in a season of being a stay at home mom. I’m going to school and job hunting. My kids love having me at home. While they are at school, i do some cleaning and the errands so that when they are home my attention is on them. I do leave some chores for them to help me with so that they get to see that the house doesn’t clean itself. Having a purpose outside the home also helps keep your sanity and and develop a social life.
THANK YOU!! Your comment is very encouraging. I have been married for 15 years, but I feel like I’ve only struggled with this since I had my daughter (about 8 years ago) and had the desire to stay at home. Before that, I always worked full time and it didn’t seem to be an issue. But having my daughter truly changed my life. I have grown in my relationship with God because of having my daughter and the responsibility of teaching and guiding her has taught me things at the same time. Thanks again for such an encouraging comment. I will keep the things you said in mind as go about my daily activities.
hubby has a saying about our home “everything in our space has a place” which I thought aww how cute but no he meant that were never to rearrange or move anything cause its where I want it. If hubby puts something away I dont like..I go back later & fix it.
The tone in my home is very much set by me. I’m a stay at home mom so I have my way of doing things. Before Let.It.Go I realized though that when my hubby did help out, and I noticed it wasn’t my way, I need to let it go. There have been a couple times where I’ve gone back and re-did something he’s done. But definitely now reading Let.It.Go I’m realizing the importance of just smiling and being thankful that things are getting done!
This chapter was a good attitude check for me. On page 113, Karen reminds us that “We are to be proactive in not only setting the tone around our homes but intentionally making them run smoothly.” I often will intentionally make things run smoothly, pack lunches, make coffee, make sure everyone’s out of the door on time, make dinner plans, etc…but I often forget about setting the tone. So just because everyone is on time doesn’t mean everyone is happy…because someone *cough, cough was yelling at them to get going. I need to be the thermostat, not the thermometer. Do all this while not grumbling, mumbling under our breathe!
I have my moments were I hover and others were I don’t. Since I am a stay at home mom, I take on most of the cleaning.. vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, bathrooms, etc myself. I don’t mind doing these things since I am at home all day and my husband has a full time job. I do share some of the cleaning with my 6 year old and 2 year old if they want to help. The worst part for me isn’t the cleanliness its the items out of their place. Although I’ve gotten a little better about things being out of place now that I stay at home all day there are still moments that I am driven up the wall. I loved the advice of hanging coat hooks or getting a basket for the entry way. Sometimes I wonder why its so hard to see these things yourself. I just bought a basket for all the hats and gloves because I was tired of the clutter. Why didn’t I think that a basket would make sense for the kids too?? Hmmm…
How is the tone in your home? Do you hover over your family or have you let go?
I have to admit I am a hoverer. The tone in my home is not friendly right now. The control freak that I am, with a touch of my OCD is what is setting the atmosphere right now. I get home and immediatley start the routine. Kids homework, chores, I do dinner, then baths, lay out clothes for the next day, ….When something happens that throws that routine off, I almost immediatley errupt. This chapter has been a real eye opener for me. I desperatley need to Let It Go. Let Go Let God!.
I must agree that the tone in my home is not friendly either! I have heard that if “mom isn’t happy, then no one is happy” I don’t want to be the cause of my husband or children’s unhappiness and right now I am. I get so stressed and overwhelmed from everything that I must do as a mother and wife. I think it has a lot to do with the way that I like things done and how I like them done. It is exhausting sometimes and it brings out the worse in my attitude and behavior. I have become this “unhappy” person. This chapter has opened my eyes in so many ways. I am not setting a good example for my children. I am not showing them how to do things for others out of love for Jesus Christ and expect nothing in return. I need to be more thankful and grateful. I need to focus on the gifts or blessing in each day, rather than the things I don’t have or the 100 things that I need to do on my to do list. I need to be more patient with my family as well and enjoy the things that I get to do for them or help them do for themselves. Through this online bible study, I can feel God working in my life and my heart; opening my eyes to the things that I have done wrong for so long. Wow, do I have a LOT to learn!
The tone in my home is definitely not as friendly or peaceful as I would like it to be. It’s easy to get overwhelmed & on noise/need-to-discipline overload in my home & it’s usually then that I get sharp with the kids. This also results in me being crabby with my husband as well. And then I get depressed about all of the above & all the stuff that didn’t get accomplished & thats no good either. That’s certainly not the tone I want in our home. In some things I do hover over our family. They’re little so a certain amount of hovering is necessary. I am aware that I sometimes hover more than I need to, but that sometimes I don’t hover as much as I should. It’s a strange balance, but definitely one I want to achieve more consistently.
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