Hello again, it’s Jamy. Hope you all are doing great today! It’s Friday 
Boy, this study is really hitting home with me this week (pun intended). I love the tips and insights that Karen provides throughout the chapter. Changes are being made around the Whitaker house. There are two key points that I would like to share with you today.
- “Set the tone of the house” (pg. 114)
Ladies, we have a huge responsibility to set the mood and atmosphere in our homes. If we are short-tempered and quick to find faults our families are going to respond in one of two ways: become those same characteristics with each other or retreat and withdraw thinking they cannot please us. I know I do not want this in my home. We need to strive to be thermostats (constant) rather than thermometers (changing based on emotions). We want our homes to be a safe, welcoming environment, instead of a place of harsh words and criticism.
- “Let go of the deception of perfection” (pg. 116)
I do not know why we so often fall into thinking that everything needs to be perfect – perfectly clean home, not one item out of place, laundry always done, kids neat and clean and gourmet meal on the table every night. Striving to achieve the unattainable will leave our families and us stressed, uncomfortable and resentful. Instead, we can learn to let go of perfection and embrace our families and ourselves with our imperfections. Just like Karen pointed out, “Shoes strewn about means you have children who can walk. Mud-spattered uniforms means you have children who can run, jump, and kick. Homework papers left on the dining-room table means your kids have a functioning mind and are able to learn, absorb, and live quality lives” (pg. 124).
Yes, on any given day you can find toys on the floor, shoes scattered by the door, fingerprints on mirrors and laundry that needs to be done. But our house is a place where we feel comfortable and can relax. This is not to say that chores are not done, but it is all kept in perspective.
Your Response:
Take some time to read through the questions and then respond to them in the comment section of the blog, on the facebook group or in your journal. I am looking forward to see how God is working in your life through this study.
- Which reflection verse spoke the most to you this week? How were you able to apply it to your life?
“But we behaved gently when we were among you, like a devoted mother nursing and cherishing her own children. So, being thus tenderly and affectionately desirous of you, we continued to share with you not only God’s good news (the Gospel) but also our own lives as well, for you had become so very dear to us.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 AMP
“She watches over the activities of her household.” ~ Proverbs 31:27 HCSB
- Are you a thermostat or a thermometer? What steps are you going to take this week to set the tone in your home?
- How did this chapter speak to you? How are you going to put that into action in your home?
- What is something you will take away from Week 3?
Congratulations! You have made it through another week of the study and are one step closer to letting go and walking in faith.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Sponsor a Child
{ 66 comments }
1. Favorite verse this week: Proverbs 31:26 MSG – “When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she says it kindly.” God has been so gracious to change my heart in this current season in my life, and I’m recognizing how easily my beloved children’s hearts are bruised – and even my husband’s, when I am thoughtless in my words.
2. God is changing me into a thermostat, and I praise Him for it! I need to be more aware when I am moody or stressed, though – it is really hard at that time to release the bad emotions and trust God and remember how very blessed I am.
3. I loved the entire section on p. 124 entitled “Look for what God is doing in your heart.” As Karen has mentioned before, I pray for clear eyes to see things that stress me out and frustrate me and make me want to scream as opportunities to grow out of my natural state to have things my way no matter the cost to others and blossom into the beautiful creature God created me to be.
4. I think my answer to question 4 is the same as my answer to question 3.
Have a fabulous weekend, ladies! I am celebrating my baby girl’s 8th birthday surrounded by extended family and great friends this weekend!
Much love,
Jennifer
Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing your response. I love the Message version of Proverbs 31:26, not only does she have something worthwhile to say, but does it kindly. I am also working on that with my children. Sometimes we forget how easily our words can hurt.
Have a wonderful time this weekend celebrating your daughter’s birthday with friends and family!
That is my favorite verse too. I am a northern girl (who has moved to the south) and I am very direct. I am learning to temper my words with lots and lots of grace. It is a tough journey but I really feel it is worth it.
This week really hit home for me as well. I need to watch my motivation when I am guiding & directing my children. Too many times I discipline because I want people to see me as a got-it-together mom. I need to put my children above my own selfish desires.
Lacey, it is hard sometimes to realize that instead of being concerned about directing our children in love, we are concerned with our appearance to others. Thank you for the reminder to look closely at our motivation behind our instruction.
I agree that too often, as mothers, our motivation can be the perception of others. We look for the approval of man rather than the approval of God. OUCH!
This week really hit home with me! So much good stuff! Just this morning I was able to use the concept of turning over the reins. My daughter is 4, and for some unknown reason she woke up at 5:30 this morning, a whole hour before she normally does. SO…my entire morning routine had to be revamped including getting her dressed first–in a really cute little sweatsuit. That was no problem at all, but…I asked her to get her shoes and put them on. Thankfully, she was very obedient and did just what I asked–she put her shoes on….the glittery dress flats that she normally wears to church!
That was when I had to ask myself the questions–and…decided that in the end it didn’t really matter that she is wearing sequined dress flats with her sweatsuit to school. I hugged her, helped her with her coat, and out the door we went….glittery flats and sweatsuit!
“He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.” 1 Peter 5:7
Kyndra, I love this. Thank you so much for sharing! God is working in your life through this study and the choice you made this morning made an impact on your little girl. It does come down to a choice. Thank you for including the verse from first Peter. It is comforting to know that our Father is ALWAYS thinking about each and every one of us.
My granddaughter lets my 15 month old great-granddaughter pick out her own clothes. Until my children were 8 or 9 I was the one who picked what they would wear. For that matter I picked what clothes they could buy until they were in their teens! How foolish of me. Picking clothes would have been such a wonderful place to let them have some control in their own lives.
Kyndra, I love that. I wish you could have shared a picture. That is powerful testimony material!
That just made me smile really big! I bet she is so happy today and confident in herself. What a blessing!
Kyndra, I love that you let her wear her glittery flats! What a great opportunity to let it go! I am also trying to learn that things like that just really don’t matter.
Jamy, it is so true what you said, “If we are short-tempered and quick to find faults our families are going to respond in one of two ways: become those same characteristics with each other or retreat and withdraw thinking they cannot please us.”
I grew up in a home with a parent who was short-tempered and I did the second, I withdrew. I am not short-tempered normally, but I do mess up sometimes. I know I need to be mindful of this as I don’t want my kids to act that way or withdraw from me. I am going to be more intentional about being a thermostat in my home. Praise music helps me keep the right mindset, along with of course reading the Word daily and prayer.
Sue, you are right, it is so important to be mindful of what we say and do has a huge impact on our children – either positive or negative. I am also working on being more intentional around my home. Like you, praise music helps not only me, but the entire family have a better frame of mind and be more patient and loving with one another.
I am so ashamed to admit that I am a thermometer
oh but how I want to become a thermostat!!! I think I will put a post it on my bathroom mirror that says BE A THERMOSTAT 
I loved your post this morning Jamy 
thank you for sharing with us!
Dottie, thank you for being honest about being a thermometer. It is not easy and I am certainly still working on it, but God can help each one of us to turn our thermometers into thermostats.
Dottie, I love the idea of putting a sign on your mirror with that will reflect to you who you are becoming!
Proverbs 31:27 She watches over the activities of her household. This verse spoke to me the most. It helps me see that it’s my responsibility to see that things get done but not necessarily my responsibility to do everything myself.
That saying “when Momma ain’t happy; ain’t nobody happy” sure applies. I want to be more of a thermostat and set a even tone for my house. I do fluctuate with emotions; I want to remember when I am feeling bad that my attitude will change not only the tone of my day but those around me also. Lately I have been waking up each day and saying “This is the day the Lord has made I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.” Each day it is my choice to choose joy!
“There are many ways to get to the number four” is what I will take away from this week. It has stuck in my head. I want to remember that my way is not the “right” way it is just one way.
Paige, thank you for sharing. There are so many wonderful items in your comment. You are absolutely right, it is not our responsibility to do everything and we set the tone in our homes. I love how you start each day, making the choice to choose joy. By saying that first thing in the morning, I am certain it would help to set my mind on being thankful and not fault finding.
I love the motto of waking up stating “This is the day the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it”!! The mornings can make me into a thermometer quickly and this would be another great way to change me into a thermostat in the mornings and throughout the day. Awesome idea, thank you!
I’ve come to have a new understanding of what it means to watch over my household. I like the metaphor of being a household “manager.” I know that a hated manager in the workplace is one who is constantly yelling, criticizing, and micromanaging. But good managers assess the ability of each employee, assign work accordingly, and offer gentle criticism as needed. Of course, they always praise and encourage. Managers set the tone and lead the way in the workplace and in the home. A workplace manager strives to promote the work and accomplishments of an office, program or institution. Then a household manager strives to glorify God.
This week, I’m challenged to let go of two things, the perception of perfection and always getting my way. It is hard and I am nervous. But the Lord has shown me that it is more important to obey Him than it is to look “perfect” in front of others or to get what I want. These are such foreign concepts for me! But obedience is a choice and the Spirit gives me strength to follow through.
Julie, I love how you took the metaphor of household manager and showed how a manager (good and bad) act in the workplace. It will help to remind us that we, above all else, need to strive to bring glory to God.
I will be praying for you as you are letting go of things this week. It will not be easy, but I know that God will give you the strength and perserverance that you need.
I feel I used to be more of a thermometer but I am working really hard on becoming a thermostat. I feel that I am making good progress. My mood is not constantly changing like it used to and I am not constantly biting at my husband. I am more relaxed and going with the flow than I used to be. I pray everyday to only continue to grow in this aspect!
Cristy, that is wonderful! I am praising with you today. I will also keep you in my prayers as you continue to grow and mature in becoming a constant in your home.
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:9
The LORD had already worked on me with “letting go” with my kiddos (21 and 25). This summer was my youngest’s last summer with us; she graduates from college in May and she’ll probably stay in Colorado. It was easier to “let go” with the way she cleans, and was just thankful for her helping (and made sure I let her know that I was thankful and didn’t gripe). I think knowing that it was her last summer with us helped—she’s organized with her own things, but not too concerned with the kitchen and doesn’t clean as well as I do, often putting things haphazardly in the cabinets (still looking for some things!!)
This week has hit home with me with the husband. Hubby and I have been struggling (newly empty nesters) with grumbling at each other, so I’ve been convicted this week to do better at setting the tone in our home.
Since the beginning of this study, I feel satan has been throwing arrows at us. First, our son is getting out of the Army, and his family is moving close to his wife’s family (and further from us). Then our daughter announced she’s looking at jobs in Canada!! To top it off, the husband and I got in a BIG fight over his driving. Without getting into the details, his driving upset me so much, I got my first stress headache in the back of my neck from his driving and have been mad at him ever since. This has NEVER happened in our marriage. I’m super, super thankful for this study right now.
Pat, thank you for being so open and sharing today. As a part of this study, specifically a leader, satan is going to try and get you discouraged or atleast distracted from growing closer to Christ in any way or furthering His kingdom through this ministry. I pray that you would have the strength to continue to put up your shield of faith to protect yourself from those fiery arrows. God will help you and your husband through this. Continue to lean on Him and He will guide your steps.
Amen, amen, amen, Jamy!! He will!!
Every week of this study I’ve learned so many good things, but this is the first week that I feel like its really starting to change my heart and, in turn, my attitude and actions. Proverbs 31:27 has been a key scripture in aiding this change. It is not in my nature to “watch.” If I don’t all out control, I’m at least hovering. Last weekend my husband was helping me to complete a home project I was stuggling with a solution for. At first, I wanted to completely control him and tell him what to do, but when it came clear that my way just wasn’t working, (which was why he was helping me in the first place), then I switched to hovering. He kept asking me what I was doing since we had a million things to get done, as usual, and he had a solution and had it all under control. I was greatful for his solution and knew he’d have one, which is why I went to him, but couldn’t get myself to walk away and just let him do it alone. The project turned out beautiful by the way, despite the fact that I was hounding him the entire time.
In contrast, this week I had a victory, though small, with my daughter who is 3 1/2. She always helps me unload the dish washer. Usually I contol the whole process with sticking to my systematic process and don’t let her vary at all from that order and am always hounding her to stay focused and hurry up. I know, I know, she’s only 3! So this time I asked her where she wanted to start and of course it was exactly backwards to my process, but I bit my tongue and let her do her thing the entire way, and guess what? It still all got put away and we actually had fun along the way! What a concept!
So i’d have to say I’m a thermostat in the making, and have plans to sit down with my husband and then our family to go over the suggestions in ch. 6 to impliment some changes in our household, but the biggest take away for me is in learning that its not my husband and child that are hampering our home, its my controlling attitude and ways, and I’m looking forward to confronting the challenge of letting go head on! Its time.
Katrina, thank you so much for sharing with us. It is wonderful to see the change that God is making in your life through this study. I will pray that God continues to work in your life, especially as you sit down as a family and begin to implement some of Karen’s suggestions. Letting go is not easy, but definately worth it. I loved what you said, “I am a thermostat in the making.” It is a great reminder that this is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight, but with God it can happen.
Thank you Jamy. A big part of what makes this process so great is having other ladies who are learning with you and are willing to listen, pray for and enourage one another through it. Thank you for sharing your time and wisdom with us all this week and I pray that the Lord will continue to bless you and your journey.
This week’s bible study was so awesome.. I have been practicing what I have been reading and I have made some small steps. I have been such a therometer..but know I see I can make changes and these changes are having positive effects on my family. I can relate to Proverbs 31:7 and my motto is going to be let go ot the deception of perfection.. I have been doing that the last couple of weeks and the tone has changed a little in my house. But the other people to need to step up and help out too.. But all in all I feel more peaceful and want to praise God!!!!!!!
Monika, I am praising God with you today. I am so glad to hear that there is more peace in your home and you are making changes, which in turn changes the tone in your home. Keep it up girl!
Thanks Jamy for responding your reply has encouraged and uplifted me…I hope you and your family have a blessed weekend.
Are you a thermostat or a thermometer? What steps are you going to take this week to set the tone in your home?
I was scared how much I related to this particular section. And of course I’m sure many can relate to being a ‘thermometer’. True to the nature of being a woman, I would bet more of us are set to be thermometers more so than we are a constant thermostat.
Whenever I have gone about explaining my husband and myself I always say he is my constant, he never goes up or down he is always a flat line. And then there’s me, I’m all over the place. This thermostat and thermometer comparisons are freaky
As we were on the drive home from the airport after getting back from our trip, to say I was a little irritable was an understatement. One child was kicking the back of my seat, I could hear my husband eating, I just wanted to be at home, in my clean house (of course before leaving it was spick and span). I started to spew nastiness and then lo and behold I took a deep breath, remembered this section from the book and did a reality check. Does this affect me now? No. Does this affect me long term? No Does this affect my eternity? Absolutely not. These things are so minute they do not matter whatsoever. I was able to have a breakthrough, and so with that I am hoping that these revelations during a time when satan really wants me to be nasty, I will feel God’s nudging me gently, reminding me to love others and see them as he sees them, TRY to be a better thermostat, a safe haven where Love abounds, instead of words of criticism and nastiness.
Nicole, wow what a breakthrough. I know how stressful traveling can be. The enemy was trying to push you over the edge, but you held firm to God and what you had learned through this study. Thank you for sharing today!
Wow that is awesome THANKS for sharing that I will remember that the next time my grandsugars are going nuts in the back seat and driving me crazy
This has been a powerful chapter. I think I need to mount a ‘growth chart’ on the wall like we used for our kids so I can measure my spiritual growth! Awesome teaching this week from all of our girls. Thank you! I just have one quick note. This chapter brought to mind a comment our oldest son made about 25 years ago (he was about 10 at the time) when I had to go to bed with a migraine attack. He brought me a get well card he and his brother made for me which touched my heart so much. Then, as he was walking out of the room, he turned and said, ‘You’re way nicer when you’re sick.” An arrow of conviction went straight to my heart causing me to vow to change my approach. I guess I was a Tin-pot Dictator before that. I never have told him what that statement did for me. I really need to remember to do that. He is a dad now of a precious little boy, almost 3. Isn’t it funny how the best sermons come out of the mouths of those who know us best and most intimately! May we always be open to hearing those as coming from God so we don’t ‘shoot the messenger’.
CG, I absolutely love the idea of a growth chart to map our spiritual growth. It would enable us to see how far we have come with God’s help when the trials of life knock at our door. Thank you also for sharing about your son’s comment. What a fabulous reminder for us all, “May we always be open to hearing those as coming from God so we don’t ‘shoot the messenger’”
I too love the growth chart. But I know, I am going to slip and my minds goes back to something that I learned in a previous study here in OBS. And that is to keep going forward, even if you fall back a bit, just keep going. I will be praying that your line continues to move forward.
The verse that stuck with me is “She watches over the activities of her household.” ~ Proverbs 31:27 HCSB, not because I am a control freak (which, admittedly, I kind of am with certain things), but because I feel I’ve let things slide a little too much in my busyness. To be honest, coming home from vacation at my friend’s home, where, admittedly it is a new, more modern home than mine, I was comparing my home to hers. Because of the reasons I just mentioned, there really is no comparison, except the fact that everything looked so much cleaner and more organized than my home. Although, there is no way I could have the same look in my home that she does, since my house is going on 50 years old, I know there are things that I CAN do to make my home feel more “in control” allowing me to feel like I myself don’t have to be so controlling–does that make sense? It’s easy sometimes to look at something and think it’s just too daunting of a task to complete, so you just ignore it instead of tackling it. I know I have done this too much, which, in turn causes me to feel stressed out.
Although I don’t have children, I do have other family members with whom I live that don’t have the same tendencies as I do, that do cause me to stress because things aren’t where (I think) they belong, etc. Karen’s words this week helped me to realize that I do set the tone and that, while there are things I can do to assist in organization, my fretting over their lack of feeling the same way I do about wanting order, shouldn’t dictate my moods and actions towards them. Her suggestion to plan a meeting to discuss what I’ll call the “method to my madness” is actually a good one and I’m going to take her advice. Just because it seems sensible for me to think something should go in one place as opposed to another doesn’t mean that’s how they think it should be. They might change their mindset if my reasoning is fully explained (or maybe I would hearing their thoughts–hmmm…). Funny how communication works, isn’t it?
So my solution? Well, a trip to Ikea this past week has given me many ideas as to things I can do to help make things more organized, and that will, I believe, cause me to lead my household in a much more calm and effective manner.
This study is so great and timely for me! God just moves in such mysterious ways just when you need His guidance. I’m blessed and I look forward to continuing on this journey to letting go and letting God!
Linda, thank you so much for sharing today. I love to hear God moving in the lives of others through this amazing study.
This was a great chapter.
In re-seeing the Proverbs 31 woman as more realistic and like me – ordinary – put the verses into perspective for me. Sometimes I read verses and see the good in them but don’t feel they are for me. Guess I was ready to understand it this time. It’s not in how much the woman accomplished but how she did it.
I am both a themostat and thermometer at different (influenced) times. Unfortunately I let all the wrong things and people influence my day. But when I start my day with worship, prayer and giving over to God then become a conductor for Him. My family will be in heaven with me not my home or things!
Pg 120…”The fire doesn’t ignite suddenly when the question is posed or the rule is broken or the household way isn’t followed. It’s kindling goes waaaay back — back to expectations and perceptions.” It’s that! That right there! Expectations and perceptions!!! I might see a conflict that at the moment looks like it’s all because my kids can’t get it right!…but if I would only open my eyes and realize it’s all in my head (literally) and that I executed the whole thing incorrectly then I have have no know to blame but myself. Hmm. This is becoming a theme. When I’m in control it’s bad. When God’s in control then it’s good!
I want to ALWAYS remember to:
Decide to let it go!
and
To give counsel and instruction with godly Wisdom and kindness. (My paraphrase of course) Proverbs 31:26
This is all so humbling…and yet it’s full of strength!
Kimberly, I loved when you said, “My family will be in heaven with me not my home or things!” This really helps to keep things in perspective. You are right, it is a choice, we have to decide to let it go.
1) Which reflection verse spoke the most to you this week? How were you able to apply it to your life? the one below spoke to me the most, yes I do watch over our home but I need to let God be God and handle certain situations not me, Im not the boss on our home
“She watches over the activities of her household.” ~ Proverbs 31:27 HCSB
2) Are you a thermostat or a thermometer? What steps are you going to take this week to set the tone in your home?a thermostat, let God be God
3) How did this chapter speak to you? How are you going to put that into action in your home? hubby and I were having breakfast and somehow got on the subject of attitude, and his quote was “if momma is happy were all happy, if momma isnt look out.” so each morning im going to use what Joyce Meyer said once”good morning Jesus that you for another day and help me to control my emotions and remind me when Im getting off track.”
4) What is something you will take away from Week 3?
all the above
Kimberly, thank you for sharing what you have learned this week as well as the quote from Joyce Meyer – a great thing for us each to consider.
My kids are grown and it is just my husband and I but I have to admit I fall in
The area of the appearance of perfection. I love company but as soon as someone calls from the church or just dros by I want to run around and pick up anything that is out of place. I think that they will see me as messy if everything is not on order.
This has been a hard one for me and I am still working on it but this study has helped me realize I don’t have to be that way. Please keep me in prayer that I continue to go in a positive direction and realize my house does not have to look perfect.
GodBlessOurLeaders of this study.
Blessings, lynn Fincher
Lynn, I will certainly keep you in my prayers as you continue on this journey to let it go. May God give you the strength and help that you need.
Last night my son said to me “You know Mom, you used to yell at me a lot. And you still do yell at me sometimes, but it’s different now. I guess you really are a pretty good Mom.”
Now if that isn’t an answered prayer, I don’t know what is!
Thank you to every OBS sister who has sent a prayer my way when I asked for one!
I need to keep that conversation “at the ready” and remember how good it felt to hear my son say those words to me before I lash out with negative words at him.
Today, I am so grateful.
Shelly, I am praising God with you today. It is wonderful to see an answer to prayer, especially in the life of a child. Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you journey on.
Walking way from these chapters this week and into the rest of our lives I hope to remember:
The challenge to spread kindness in my family.
To realize the power of harsh words.
To give counsel more than criticism.
To welcome the interruptions and delays to MY schedule.
To absorb that different doesn’t mean wrong.
To keep a healthy perspective by evaluating a circumstance in terms of its eternal value.
To be quick to ask for forgiveness when I blow it.
To surrender it all to my Heavenly Father who’s plans will prevail and who’s mercy is great to those who seek Him , obey Him, and follow Him.
Happy weekend!
http://snyderscoop.blogspot.com
Kendall, thank you so much for sharing some wonderful reminders for us all. It is a list that I need to print out and post in my office.
This week was a powerful week’s worth of lessons for me, too. On so many levels.
1.) 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 spoke right into my heart. It reminded me that I needed to speak gently AND cherish my children’s efforts, no matter how small. Each time one of my littles made any sort of efforts to help or finish a task, I applauded tried to “cheer, steer, and encourage.” It. Is. Hard!
2.) I, too, am guilty of being the thermometer much more often than the thermostat. I have pulled Proverbs 15:1 out and made it my “life verse” for this week. Each time things got a little too hot around here, I’ve worked hard to intentionally soften my words and thoughts and set the tone for my familie’s interactions.
3.) Karen hit the nail on the head, for me, when she encouraged us have a parenting plumb line that honors God and shows my kidlets how much we adore and wish to serve him.
4.) I will take away a couple of wonderful thoughts on parenting this week. Especially giggle-worth – because I can TOTALLY relate – was when Karen shared about the “arsenic hour”. I realize, now, that part of why it feels like that around here sometimes, is because I am trying to control the outcomes and failing. And getting frustrated. And then angry. And then watch that thermometer rise, rise, rise! Both of these chapters made me re-examine what exactly my job is as mama and wife. And to remember that, as graphic as it was to read, “better a bloody tongue than a battered heart.
I’m a work in progress and I’m thankful that God loves me despite…
Missy, thank you for sharing today. So many of these same items hit home with me this week. Thank you for the reminder that we are a work in progress and God loves us.
I relearned this week that I am the mood setter. The Lord is really helping me.
It is amazing to think I set the tone in our home and relationship. The husband is the leader but the wife brings the emotions to the table. What kind of emotions do I want to contribute? Negative, over dramatic, pouty ones or peaceful, surrendered to God ones?
the verse that most spoke to me: 1 Thessalonians..i long to be a mom who cherishes her children..who speaks gently/tenderly to them. 2) i am a Thermometer who is longing to be a Thermostat Mom!! 3)this chapter made me realize that my mom was a thermometer and i am a thermometer and i’m watching my daughter continue in my path…..it makes me sad, yet gives me hope and purpose to stop the cycle of ThermoMom. I can already see when I am responding negatively, i suppose you can say this chapter opened my eyes…4) my take away is to be open to different ways of accomplishing tasks…and to uplift the spirits of my family!
1. Reflection verse…I thought I was memorizing the one about the harsh words and obviously I didn’t memorize it very well since my piece of paper is no longer in my book and I don’t know it word for word! But, I definitely need to pray before I speak to my kids especially.
2. I am setting the tone in my home but mindfully displaying the Joy of the Lord always. I am laughing about things that in the past would have made me scream. My children have told me to stop singing this week. God certainly is bringing me joy. Thank you Lord Jesus!
3. How did it speak to me and what action will I take – I think consciously going through the home and deciding who is in charge of what is important. We do this in the summer when the boys are home from school but I did implement that again as the jobs that need to be done take 1-2 minutes and each could be doing them. So, this way there are no surprises and we all know what is expected and thus there is less chaos and less complaining when asked to do “their job.”
4. Everything is to be done to God’s glory and not mine! I am not God and my way is not always right. Step back and listen to God’s yet small voice telling me the right way to go.
A side note – I loved where the chapter said “you bet your sweet bippy.” Brought tears to my eyes. My dad said that all the time. Oh Lord how I miss him. He will be gone 10 years now. I am the youngest and only daughter of 4 children and I truly was Daddy’s Little Girl!
Let’s see…at times I am a thermostat. Those are the days that everything goes MY way and according to MY plan. Which means most days I am a thermometer! I can get carried away by my emotions and letting it go seems like a concept I cant grasp. However I have three daughters all under the age of 6 and two of them are five. They help me see daily that it Is not about me but mostly them It is my oldest daughter who reminds me that this is Jesus’ plan. This Bible study is giving me new ideas to grasp and each and every day I am trying to show God the glory in all the things that I do! Thank you Karen and OBS leaders.
1. This has been my reflectioin verse for the week: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~ Proverbs 15:1 ESV
Today it has been difficult to live by…merely because my 12 year old has given me quite the attitude today…all because he just wants to sit and veg in front of the TV and not do what we have asked him to do which is get up and do something. He sits in silence, so I sent him to his room. Hard to keep a soft answer when he acts like that. But I am working on it and really trying to put this verse to life in my home, with the help of God.
2. Struggling with this one especially today. I have really been trying to practice being the thermostat…not changing my emotion but keep it constant…harder than it seems. Today my mood is all over the place so I feel more like a thermometer…so I start questioning my judgment, my choices, how I’ve handle things. I just ask Lord that you’ll walk with me through this!
3. pg 116…”why is it so easy to snap at our kids, give our husbands the cold shoulder, or roll our eyes at a dear family member but remain gracious with those we meet in public, even when they do something that really grinds us?” …OUCH!!!! This definitely spoke out to me this week, because how can I treat someone else not in my home with such respect but give little to the ones I love?? I think that lies within the expectations we have for our loved ones at home…we know that others are going to fail us so the expectation is low for them, yet we feel or think our loved ones won’t fail us because of the high expectations. Those high expectations gives no room for failure. I need to not have such high expectations of my family and I definitely need to treat them just as good as I would someone else.
4. I need to not be so up tight and worried. I need to LET.IT.GO and let God guide me through this change.
1. It was not a reflection verse, but one of the verses in the chapter really spoke to me considering our current circumstances. A member of our family just had surgery and will be staying with us during healing and recovery before making the long drive back home. The verse is 1 Peter 4:8-9 and deals with being loving and hospitable-and to do it without grumbling. I loved Karen’s words about how our homes and lives our to be used “as avenues of God’s care for others,” and not for ourselves. And most importantly-we are not to grumble, but instead, to simply be kind! Oh if I could only stop grumbling in my heart and mind-what a tool of Satan!
2. I think all of us can go back and forth between being cool and collected one moment and a whistling tea kettle of emotions in the next! I definitely have my moments-but I think if I could simply ask God each day to help me to consider my words carefully and to season them with grace, I would be much better off. So for me, I think prayer and thinking before I speak is the key.
3. As I mentioned, the words on hospitality were particularly relevant for me at this moment. I’ve realized that having a heart for others is not simply about changing my actions toward them, but about asking God to help me change my heart towards them. In order to practice hospitality without grumbling, I think we have to do it out of the right heart motive, not out of simply trying to do the right thing or please God. It has to be done out of love for God and for the others he places in our lives.
4. My take away is that our homes are not to be used as avenues for controlling and getting our own way, but as “avenues of God’s care for others”-whether that be those that live there with us or others we invite in. We are to practice love and hospitality in our homes-and to do it without grumbling.
What memories do we have as children? Our mothers’s spotless floors? Our perfected homes, with all the right stuff? I remember the fun times, the amusing times when we laughed together. I remember my mom reading me wonderful stories( which were her favourites) well past our bedtime. I remember when we has a completely vegetable dinner with goodies from the garden. I remember my mom being home to welcome me when I got home from school. I remember my parents telling family stories and adventures well before we arrived on the scene. I remember our trips together, swimming in the lake, playing on the beach. I just don’t remember whether or not my home was perfectly up to date, tidied or even perfectly cleaned. I certainly don’t recall if the lawn was trimmed or if the garden was weed free. We were not wealthy; we recycled, traded, passed on, gave and received with gladness. I was 8 years old before my father had his very own car.
Times now are challenging. Lets make a huge effort to relax and simplify. Take time for Holy Spirit to give you a daily worship song to help keep your mind on him. Take time to enjoy and give your kids fond and gentle memories. Cut back on the “I shoulds”, learn to say “no”and snuggle up with your child to read something life-giving for you both.
From a very nearly 70 year old who wishes she had slowed down and cuddled and read more often to her kids and who is making up for it with her grandkids, when she can get them off her IPad!
This week the lesson of more than one way to do things came to our house. My husband is naturally very detail and perfection oriented, especially regarding our kids. I tend to nag him to stop focusing on the details, and ease up. Last night, our two kids, 6 & 7, were helping us with chores. Ive been practicing letting our concentration-deficit son do chores, with as few reminders to stay on task as possible, giving him the chance to complete it to the end, rather than stopping half way because he is bored or distracted. Well, i gave him the job of mopping the kitchen floor. By the way, he loves water and any chance to play in it
. He stripped down to naked, and was joyfully cleaning and pouring water all over the floor. When he had been doing this long enough, i asked him to dump the water out…he did… on the floor. The fastest way my husband could think of to get rid of the water was to use our carpet shampooer. So my floor was mopped with a carpet shampooer. 2+2=4 
I tend to be the thermostat, while my hubby is a thermometer by nature. At this season in my life, i am more mellow and easy going. In my twenties, i was more moodier and volitile.
All of these verses have been speaking to me.
1) Proverbs 31:27 – What a hugh responsibilities that I think I am not capable.
2) I apologized to my husband to try to set the tone in our house.
3) I feel sad that I treat outside people better than my own family.
4) Summitt to teally express my feelings. Recognized my triggers from the past. I need to praise more often (I take so much for granted) Most important is to look for what God is doing in my life everyday. and What God is doing in my heart.
Which reflection verse spoke the most to you this week? How were you able to apply it to your life?
“But we behaved gently when we were among you, like a devoted mother nursing and cherishing her own children. So, being thus tenderly and affectionately desirous of you, we continued to share with you not only God’s good news (the Gospel) but also our own lives as well, for you had become so very dear to us.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 AMP
Lately I have realized that I am tough on my kids. This verse mentions tenderness, I have not had that recently. My husband is so laid back and non-disciplinary that I feel like it is always me who has to keep them in line. If I do not teach them respect and accountability, who will?
My daughter, who is 9, is giving me a very hard time right now. I feel like she never listens, and she throws attitude around all the time. I find myself daily yelling or scolding her, definantley not being tender, but I do not spank her(when sometimes I should). If it is not answering me, not listening to me, or flat out attitude, its everyday.
My husband says she is testing me, I do not know why just me. I ask her if she acts this way at school. or to other adults, and she just says no. I feel like if maybe I continue to repeat this reflection verse, everytime I want to errupt at her, it will help.
Are you a thermostat or a thermometer? What steps are you going to take this week to set the tone in your home?
I am a thermostat, but saying that, I am constant at the wrong temperature. I get so fed up when I get home everyday. I work days, and my husband works nights. He sleeps and stays home with my 5 year old during the day, and then leaves when I get home at 5 pm. When I get home, I am greeted by a trashed house, sink full of dishes, and two hungry children wondering when dinner is. I still have to do homework with my 9 year old, bathe my 5 year old, and then sometime in there bathe myself. So, everyday that I come home to this. my thermostat constantly goes up. I pray that God will help me in this situation, I do not want my kids to think I do not love them, when I do so much! I do tell them that everyday.
How did this chapter speak to you? How are you going to put that into action in your home?
A phrase in the book that hit home with me was that mothering is a moment-by-moment decision to depend on the Lord for strength, direction, and CALM!
Does it matter now?, Will it matter tomorrow?, Will it affect eternity?Is God trying to teach ME something? If so what?
Oh and the big one, am I just being a control freak, and do I need to Let It Go!? I am going to use all of these tools to help me of letting go of the negativity in my home. Daily, I will repeat the reflection verse. Daily I will ask myself those questions, before errupting at my children. Daily I will have to work on this, for it will not be an easy fix.
What is something you will take away from Week 3?
I think the major thing I am taking away from this chapter is what is God trying to teach me? I know how frustrated I get when my daughter will not listen to me, I wonder if God is trying to tell me something, and I am not listening to Him!?
1. The reflection verse that spoke to me is Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”
2. I am definitely a thermometer, my emotions change based on how I feel. I struggle with this daily and have my whole life. I need to learn to let go of expectations. Therefore, when I first wake up, I pray to God to guide me through the day, help to control my emotions, allow me to see others through His eyes, and that the Holy Spirit draws me closer to God when I feel stressed or overwhelmed. I am learning to think “God” before I react! I am also learning to be quiet and bite my tongue and pray about my situation and ask God how he wants me to handle it. It is very hard and takes a lot of discipline and I know I am going to make many mistakes, but I am trying, and I know that God is a forgiving God. I keep looking for God’s direction.
3-4. This Chapter spoke to me in so many ways. It opened my eyes and showed me that I have been running my household wrong. I have been set in my selfish ways. My intentions were good, but my behavior and attitude does not reflect that. I need to focus more on doing things to glorify God that is honoring to Him and not get angry or try to control the situation because things are not going my way. It is my responsibility to set the tone/mood and atmosphere in my home, and I have not been doing a very good job at it. I need to let go of dwelling on anger and frustration because something did not get done or done the way I wanted it to. I will continue to pray that God helps me to parent with Grace and out of love for Jesus! I need to let go of the idea of perfection and embrace my family for who they are.
1. “She watches over the activities of her household.” ~ Proverbs 31:27 HCSB spoke to me the loudest because it’s one of those “fire” buttons for me. Between the cleaning, the organizing, the disciplining, the feeding, etc., it’s a lot, as we all know. But this verse, & being mindful of the whole chapter from which it comes, speaks to me of a calmly authoritative woman who cares for her family & her home, making sure that they have what they need & that their lives are enriched & it’s a blessing all around & a good witness to lead our children to God. A good goal to strive for – that calm flexible order.
I’ve been thinking about ways to apply this & what keeps coming to mind is “what are our priorities?” There are so many things I want to do, that I think will enrich our family life, but our schedule is already so full so I’ve been thinking about what our priorities are & what is the “stuff” in our schedule that we could weed out to be able to allow those other fun or enriching things.
I would say that I’m a thermostat…that’s what I’d like to be & I do influence the mood in the house (not always in a good way), but I’m probably more of a thermometer – reacting to things through the day. I’m going to work on being mindful of my attitude & like God tells me, to do the very best I can & to do it for Him…to work without grumbling & to put myself aside for the benefit of others (not saying to take care of myself last, but get past my bad attitude to do what God’s asked me to do). I will be mindful to evaluate situations & see if it’s just an “addition” issue or if it really is an issue that needs to be corrected & then to seek to do it in a way that is instructive & beneficial rather than harsh & superficially beneficial.
This chapter was a big one for me. I am a stay-at-home mom & home educator so my kids are with me ALLLLL day, with the exception of a few hours through the week (church functions) so this will be a good chapter for me to be mindful of on a daily basis. My kids are little so they are just starting to learn about chipping in around the house & so that is a big exercise for me – to show them how to do it & then let them do it how they want to do it & often times it is a “fun” way, but certainly not efficient or sensical. BUT, they are having fun & they get the job done. So, I need to remember the end result AND that I don’t want to make work a “chore” to do, but for them to take joy in caring for what God’s given us. This chapter also encourages me to be mindful of my attitude. I know that I have a lot of influence over the tone of this house so I need to exercise self-control & submitting to God’s bigger picture in our daily doings – so that I can get past any bad attitudes of my own to let God’s joy/blessing/truth shine through. This chapter also brings my attention to priorities. On pg. 117 Karen Ehman writes, “Sometimes I wonder if I spent more time planning kind words than implementing around-the-house routines, perhaps my home would be more amiable.” And not that there is no love in our home (there certainly is), but the “to do” list easily takes over in my head as we tick through our day & I’ve been aware for a while now that I need to not forget the relationship part is more important than any “to do”. So I can still get the “to do” done, but need to remember to put the relationships first as a regular practice. Just like my relationship with the Lord needs to precede any “to do” as well. So, besides just being more mindful of those revelations on a regular basis & praying about them, maybe something as simple as putting family stuff in my “to do” list to make sure that it doesn’t get crowded out.
What can I take away from this chapter? Thinking more proactively to affect the tone & smooth running of my home in a better way – to seek to make our home more peaceful by having reasonable expectations & grace to cover the imperfect parts.
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