Sep 10

I Became Unconfident As Just Me

MelissaTaylorOBS

Is anyone still here? If so, what a good friend you are! I’ve been away for a while, in fact I haven’t blogged in a year! This week though, I decided to come back. Why? Because I’m about to go to Israel. (More on that)

So what happened to me? Where have I been? Why haven’t I been writing on my personal blog the way I used to?

I lost my mo-jo. Seriously I did. I don’t even know the real meaning of mo-jo, but for me, that means my confidence. My confidence in being just me, Melissa.

Let me explain.  I am the Director of Online Bible Studies at Proverbs 31 Ministries. Oh, don’t let the big title fool you. Basically it means I lead Bible study online. And at first it really was that simple. But then it grew. And grew. And grew. Before I knew it, a one-woman shop became a 200+ woman team. We lead studies for thousands and thousands each year. Simple became complex. And while I’m confident as a leader, I became unconfident as just me.

Recently I was asked why I wasn’t taking part in the latest trend of  “Periscoping.” I was also asked why I wasn’t blogging anymore? I thought about it and had to confess that it was because I didn’t feel like I had anything to say. At least not anything that anyone would want to hear. Wait a minute … did I just say that? Since when do I not have anything to say?

I was able to obtain a dream job at Proverbs 31 Ministries because I believe in the value of others and what they have to say. I spend my time encouraging others that they matter. When I speak it’s usually because I see the potential in someone or I’m encouraging someone to believe that God is for them, they have what it takes, and they shouldn’t ever give up. But yet, I gave up. I gave up on me.

I’m going to Israel in 3 days. I will be walking where Jesus walked. I’ll be seeing things I’ve only read about. I realize this doesn’t make me more special than anyone else, but it is an opportunity I never dreamed I’d have. I won’t only be seeing sights, but I’ll be on a study trip, studying God’s Word in the Holy Land. “God, will you ignite a fire in me? Please bring your Word alive in my heart in a new exciting way. Will you meet with me as just Melissa? Can you show me that I have what it takes again?”

While that may sound selfish, I promise it’s not. Melissa needs to know that she is enough … just as Melissa.  Maybe you need to know that about yourself too.

Unconfident me is taking a step of faith and believing that she has confidence again. Israel is my turning point.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13 NLT

I’m going to blog my journey in the Holy Land next week and I’ll be doing that here on my personal blog. Maybe a few will be interested and read it or maybe it’s just for me. Confident Melissa is fine either way. haha

I never intended to hide behind a title in my life. But I realize I have been. Mom. Wife. Friend. Daughter. Online Bible Studies Director.

It’s time for the return of just Melissa. And just Melissa is enough.

See you in the Holy Land.

 

Melissa

Comments

  1. Welcome back my beautiful sister! Looking forward to hearing from you again as YOU! Love you!

    • Lynne Mccleery says:

      You certainly made a difference for me in Mending the Wounded Heart when you shared how your childhood experience affected your life.
      I have not heard that depth of vulnerability from a Christian before.
      I thank you.

  2. Melissa…thank you for telling us all your story…you made me realize tday I am somebody ESP in the eyes of God…
    Almost a year ago I lost my job because of a
    mistake I made n shouldn’t of or knew better after so many years n since then ( until speaking it aloud tday for the first time
    even before reading your blog ) I have been beating myself up but no more n after reading your blog I feel more confident with what I need to do n to put my life in Gods hands more everyday to open my life to His plan for me ( in His timing ) thank you for opening my eyes n I am looking forward to go along thru your blogs on your journey to Israel…My thoughts prayers n blessings go with you!!!

  3. I loved it. As a guy we often times hide behind Machismo and let others think we know or have it all. It is alway refreshing and inspiring to see someone call themselves out, even when we, the reader, know you are far more than even you can see. From one unconfident to another; congratulations on getting you mo-Jo back.

  4. Barbara Prince says:

    Dear Melissa, you have no idea how good it makes me feel when someone as important to me as you shares that you can lose you! I have lost myself so often that it can challenge me to believe that I have anything of value to say or that I have value. Thank you for helping me to be more confident just by you being you. I love and respect you so very much!

    Blessings,
    Barbara Prince

  5. I am so excited to read your words today!! I will be praying for God to set my friend, Melissa’s, heart on FIRE!! I pray He will show up and show off in your life in ways you can’t even imagine. May He ignite a fire in your heart for more and more of Him and a hunger to understand His Word, and in turn Him, like never before. I love you, sweet friend, and cannot wait to see what God does.

    Blessings,,

    Wendy

  6. Lana Archer says:

    Looking forward to the posts from the Holy Land…always wanted to walk where Jesus walked…..don’t think I ever will till I meet Him in Heaven. I am one of your volunteers for P31….and I thank God everyday for the ministry…. your leadership and how you keep it as friends and sisters in Jesus..is such a blessing and needed in this time.. What we are doing for God or trying to do is helping so many…Thank you for sharing you are jist like us on this journey. .human..but seeing God with all our heart…

    • Lana Archer says:

      Suppose to say * just like us and * seeking God with all our heart…sorry for typos..on my phone lol

  7. I’m DEFINITELY interested. I’ve met the real Melissa and she’s gorgeous. I look forward to sharing your journey to renew that confidence in who YOU are in His eyes.
    Love you.

  8. melissa, thank you for sharing! I too have been in a funk! I seem to be having a hard time readjusting to the peewee football season! Then a possibility of a new job! EEK!!!!! I love hearing this from someone of your caliber, even if you do not think its huge. It’s huge for me. Thank you for giving me the smack upside the head to snap out of this and start being me again!!!!

  9. Denise Hammond says:

    LOVE to see and read you once again… blog on sister and may I live the Israel trip through your writing! LOVE U!

  10. Kathleen Bennefield says:

    Love you “Just Melissa”! Looking forward to hearing all about your trip!!!!

  11. Welcome back Melissa, I have missed your blog! You are an inspiration to me and I can’t wait to hear of your adventures in the Holy Land! Thank you for sharing so personally with us!

  12. Go Melissa … Can’t wait to follow you on your journey ?ya!

  13. Wow, Melissa. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I love listening to you and reading your words from the P31 OBS’s. And you’ve always come across as a confident and inspiring woman. I am soooo looking forward to visiting the Holy Land with you, through your eyes!! You’ve always had a wonderful way of speaking/writing that makes me feel as if I’m right there with you, so I don’t think this wonderful trip of yours will be any different :) God bless you, Melissa!! You are most definitely enough without all the extra roles in life!! Sending love and hugs from Australia xx

  14. I can relate Melissa. I know that feeling of being lost and losing your “mo-jo”. But God is showing me that He is enough and He is cradling in His arms telling you that He’s got you and you can do all things. You can bring whatever broken pieces you have and He will mold them and shape them as He sees fit and you will become the masterpiece He wants you to be. Our hearts are His construction site, with scaffolding all around and when He’s done, it will be the most beautiful sight ever! Take care and enjoy Israel!

  15. YAY!!!! Just Melissa is back!!!! I love just Melissa :)

    Be safe, travel light, and shine!

  16. What I have always loved about you, Melissa, is your transparency and honesty. Thanks so much for sharing with us. It is so easy to lose ourselves and who we are in Christ. Really enjoy your trip to Israel. I had the privilege of being there many years ago…it will make the places you read about in the Bible come alive, Looking forward to reading in your blog how God speaks to you during your trip.

  17. Friend, we all go through seasons of learning and ebbs and flows in this journey of life! You are exactly where you are supposed to be, and coming to the conclusions you’ve reached are part of the learning process in your walk. I’m excited to hear about your adventure — so yes, please share! Prayers for a safe and amazing journey…

  18. Wow! I never thought of not having something to say as not being confident. I just tend to view it as unequipped or as just personal lacking. From one leader to another…I am learning that there is a difference between studying to lead a Bible study or lead others and studying to know God more and believe he is who he says he is for me. Sometimes the two are one and the same, but often times it becomes a “job” to make sure others find God. Jesus is our confidence. As we focus on him for ourselves and not for someone else, he truly becomes everything we need and everything we are. Kick that devil out of where he don’t belong… Your mind…your heart…And take your stand in the faith with God as your shield.

  19. Just Melissa it is wonderful to have you back! I’ve been on this journey to become just Tracy for the last year and I’m beginning to see glimpses of her again. I’m physically unable to take a trip to see my mom for 4 hours away be jet so I’m excited to see Israel through your eyes. I’m packing my bag and ready to go on this Bible study trip with you. Thank you for inviting me along with you.

  20. Awe, I think I love “just Melissa.” I get what your’e saying. I don’t lead a 200 person team of anything but I’ve gotten away from who I am before and it feels good to get back.
    I can’t wait to hear all about the Holy Land! Looking forward.

  21. Oh Melissa it is wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for your honesty. We all have something of this. Mine has been retirement, because of health. Yet as I say that I realize that Since 2013 my students didn’t get my best, because I wasn’t physically able to do it! God provided and now in this new season of life I too am remembering who I am. Not just, wife, mom, caregiver, teacher, but just Elaine. As soon as my hip heals from being broken I will be tutoring adults at and thru our church, who want to take their GED and maybe college. When reading your blog my eyes teared up and I totally understood. I can’t wait for your blogs next week. I am asking God to show up and show Melissa her mo-jo is back. May you have a renewed and on fire relationship with God as Melissa!

  22. Hi Melissa… thank you for sharing this. As soon as I read that you wanted to be confident in just being you I thought ” that is what I want too!” I am looking forward to reading your blog next week and will keep you in my prayers.:)

  23. Suzanne Minor says:

    Hello Melissa! I am so blessed by your honest sharing! Thank you for your homesty, vulnerability, and transparency! You are special and I really believe you are impacting many, many woman! From the bottom of my heart- thank you for being you! Real you! You really are a true blessing!

  24. Linda Maybee says:

    Bless you for your transparency and the courage to share your struggle. I get it. I believe there are moments in every women’s life that they feel this same way. I will be praying for your journey to Israel and that God will renew you in a special way. I look forward to reading your blogs. Know that your ministry has glorified God.
    Love from Wisconsin!

  25. You know Melissa means honey bee…one of the longest living without changing but always adapting insect. I have always struggled too but life is ever changing for our good. God is always challenging us to not be complacent in our days. So happy for you going to Isreal and looking forward to the inspiration God has clearly in mind for you.

  26. Thank you for sharing this. Just being open and honest encourages so many of us, because it is so easy to get lost inside, behind, our roles. Especially when we have so many different hats we wear.
    Melissa as just Melissa is beautiful, and her words are an encouragement. Glad I read this today, looking forward to catching up this week on your adventure!