Sep 10

I Became Unconfident As Just Me

MelissaTaylorOBS

Is anyone still here? If so, what a good friend you are! I’ve been away for a while, in fact I haven’t blogged in a year! This week though, I decided to come back. Why? Because I’m about to go to Israel. (More on that)

So what happened to me? Where have I been? Why haven’t I been writing on my personal blog the way I used to?

I lost my mo-jo. Seriously I did. I don’t even know the real meaning of mo-jo, but for me, that means my confidence. My confidence in being just me, Melissa.

Let me explain.  I am the Director of Online Bible Studies at Proverbs 31 Ministries. Oh, don’t let the big title fool you. Basically it means I lead Bible study online. And at first it really was that simple. But then it grew. And grew. And grew. Before I knew it, a one-woman shop became a 200+ woman team. We lead studies for thousands and thousands each year. Simple became complex. And while I’m confident as a leader, I became unconfident as just me.

Recently I was asked why I wasn’t taking part in the latest trend of  “Periscoping.” I was also asked why I wasn’t blogging anymore? I thought about it and had to confess that it was because I didn’t feel like I had anything to say. At least not anything that anyone would want to hear. Wait a minute … did I just say that? Since when do I not have anything to say?

I was able to obtain a dream job at Proverbs 31 Ministries because I believe in the value of others and what they have to say. I spend my time encouraging others that they matter. When I speak it’s usually because I see the potential in someone or I’m encouraging someone to believe that God is for them, they have what it takes, and they shouldn’t ever give up. But yet, I gave up. I gave up on me.

I’m going to Israel in 3 days. I will be walking where Jesus walked. I’ll be seeing things I’ve only read about. I realize this doesn’t make me more special than anyone else, but it is an opportunity I never dreamed I’d have. I won’t only be seeing sights, but I’ll be on a study trip, studying God’s Word in the Holy Land. “God, will you ignite a fire in me? Please bring your Word alive in my heart in a new exciting way. Will you meet with me as just Melissa? Can you show me that I have what it takes again?”

While that may sound selfish, I promise it’s not. Melissa needs to know that she is enough … just as Melissa.  Maybe you need to know that about yourself too.

Unconfident me is taking a step of faith and believing that she has confidence again. Israel is my turning point.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13 NLT

I’m going to blog my journey in the Holy Land next week and I’ll be doing that here on my personal blog. Maybe a few will be interested and read it or maybe it’s just for me. Confident Melissa is fine either way. haha

I never intended to hide behind a title in my life. But I realize I have been. Mom. Wife. Friend. Daughter. Online Bible Studies Director.

It’s time for the return of just Melissa. And just Melissa is enough.

See you in the Holy Land.

 

Melissa

Comments

  1. Amanda Gibson says:

    Oh girl! I’m here and I’m excited you will be blogging! How exciting you are going on a study trip to Israel! Girl you have so much to be confident about, God chose you to fill all of those roles BUT He first chose YOU as just Melissa. Love you !

  2. Excited to read about your trip. I’ve always dreamed of going to Israel and will DEFINATELY live vicariously through your trip! Praying the Holy Spirit touches you in amazing ways while you are there!

  3. Lisa Lagalo says:

    So glad you are blogging agsin, I am always so blessed by your words.

  4. Lisa Lagalo says:

    So glad you are blogging again, I am always so blessed by your words.

  5. Roberta Moore says:

    Awesome. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I loved it.

  6. Melissa Chambers says:

    Wow. I am here and blown away by your honesty, vulnerability and the timing of this blog.
    I felt a similar way the past week, just as God was moving in huge ways in my life I was doubting why He would bother with me!
    You are a beautiful daughter of the most high Melissa and God had anointed you to minister to so many others! Take this time in Israel to be renewed, refreshed and made anew, again!
    I am excited to read as you have this adventure!
    Love, hugs and prayers coming your way!

  7. Deena Selph says:

    I agree with all of the previous comments and I touch and agree with you that confident “just” Melissa will be awesome in all of her roles and titles but mostly as the child of God known as Melissa! Have a wonderful time and be safe! I look forward to reading about your awesome journey and as a previous commenter said I will live vicariously through you.

  8. Oh sweet Melissa, I am so glad you are blogging again. I hope God allows you to find your mojo in Israel. But either way, I like just plain old sweet Melissa. (And the Director Melissa too, in case you were wondering ). Enjoy your trip, learn lots and rejoice in the Lord! Whatever you blog while there, we will read, enjoy and celebrate with you.

  9. Debbie Skarupa says:

    Hi Melissa

    Oh I am glad you are back! I so understand where you are coming from and it’s hard. I thank the Lord that He is granting you this opportunity to go and learn at His walking grounds and I pray that He minister to you as just you. May you come back confident in yourself so you can continue to help women like me. Journey mercies. Thank you for your honestly.

  10. Hey Melissa !
    What an awesome opportunity! Soak up Jesus every step you take in the Holy Land.
    I can so relate to your heart. Praying the LORD will meet you just where you are at and show you how much HE loves Melissa and how SHE is so beautifully and wonderfully made. You are HIS Daughter, and HE is your King.
    Love you Dear Sister!

  11. Melissa
    I am glad you are going to The Holy Land.
    Doing a study there and The Bible coming alive for you.
    What a Blessing.

    Thanks for sharing with His broken children . It helps us run the race and walk closer to Him.

    Knowing that we have an Awesome Daddy who loves us, just the way He made us, sure helps us make it through this life.

    Blessings, Libby B.

  12. Tonya McCoy says:

    Melissa, just Melissa, DO NOT let the enemy try to steal your confidence! You are the daughter of a King, a princess my friend. You are loved by the Most High God Almighty! You want to know what I know about Melissa Taylor? She is the real deal!!! When I met you at the retreat last year & you took the time to talk to my friend & I and I could tell it was genuine & you cared I said wow she is the real deal! Hold your head high and claim your confidence in Jesus name! Take back what the enemy has stolen from you. I can’t wait to hear about your amazing trip & what God does for you during that time! I will be praying for you each & every day! I love you Melissa, just Melissa!

  13. So excited for you, in my book you are a rock star so go shine, there will be a whole bunch of us praying for and cheering you on. Much love and admiration ?

  14. I pray God will meet with you and restore your confidence in who you are to Him, a beloved daughter. We love our children always for themselves, not their achievements, God does too.
    Have a wonderful and blessed trip, I look forward to reading about it!

  15. Joan Raffety says:

    I’m glad you’re blogging again. It will be great to experience Israel through your eyes!

  16. Andrea Austin says:

    YEAH , you’re back and you’re AWESOME! !!

  17. Lovely Melissa,
    I am so glad you’ll be blogging again! It is here that I met you and your real life gave me hope for mine. In time, maybe I’ll find the real hope too, but for now, your hope encourages me to keep looking.
    I look forward to reading all about your experiences and, once again, thank you for your honesty.
    Love you very much with all titles you may have, but especially as ‘just’ honest, brave and lovely Melissa.
    Sending love across the pond, Laura xx

  18. Melissa,
    Will be praying that God answers your prayers and fills you up with His Spirit. Enjoy your trip, can’t wait to hear about it. Love, hugs, and prayers!

  19. Wow, Melissa. Thank you for putting words to what I am feeling but didn’t even realize. My last child just went off to college and I, too, have the same feeling. I have been identified by “mom to Dylan, Austin and Logan” and by my job for so long that now I feel just weird. But just Sherise is enough and I am going to work to be confident in that. I look forward to your blog. Enjoy the Holy Land and thank you.

  20. ??

  21. Your words that you shared, are a breathe of fresh air! Thank you so much. Blessings to you and I also look forward to hearing about your journey in Israel. :)

  22. Kristi Seat says:

    You are amazing Melissa as just YOU! Love you bunches and looking forward to reading more about your trip! <3

  23. I’m excited for you getting to take this trip and I look forward to reading about it. Like you, I often don’t feel like I’m enough. We both are, but of course you already know that. ; )

  24. robyn crippen says:

    I am here! We are waiting and listening! Can’t wait to see pictures and read your blogs next week. I am so glad I am not the only one who feels this way. ” Satan quit telling Melissa these lies!!!! Leave Melissa alone as she does work for the Kingdom of God! God whisper truth to Melissa in these days before she goes to walk where your Son walked. Please give her confidence back to her as she gets to see a part of the world and history that not many of us will get to see personally. Thank you for using her to speak to us for you. amen” Melissa thank you for being real with us. It is sooo refreshing to see you share your struggles with us. You have become our friend now just some one on the internet to us. Prayers for you! Love you in Christ Sister!!!! Enjoy Isreal!!!!

  25. Good stuff Melissa. Good stuff.

  26. I see God in your vulnerability. And in your vulnerability I see courage. And in your courage, I see confidence. Praying you find what you are looking for.

  27. Alicia roark says:

    Melissa I’m right where you are. I e lost my confidence and I need it back. Please pray for me as I pray for you!!!!

  28. I love you very much! You’re going to be so blessed sitting at the feet of Jesus in Israel!!!!!

  29. Oh friend I think we can all relate! I have had times when I feel like I am what I do and not who I am, times where I just want to retreat and be Sarah and rediscover who she is! I am praying the Lord meets you in HUGE ways in Isreal and I’m also thankful you’re taking us with you!!
    Love you big…just you…my friend Melissa! :)

  30. Janet Dolence says:

    WooHoo!! Praise God for His faithfulness!! Can’t wait to journey with you to Isreal as “just Melissa”!!

  31. What a wonderful adventure you are about to embark on! And thanks for the reminder that just as you are enough as just you, we are each one enough as just us. Have a great trip, and we look forward to your posts!

  32. Welcome Melissa!
    So very happy to see your email in my box! It was you the very Melissa you have wrote about that drew me to do on line study in the beginning….fun you should say it has been a year since you blogged because it has been a year since I stop doing the book study’s on line… Your refreshing honesty of life and how it affects you and your thought as you serve the Lord and others has always been why I came to read your blogs and to be honest why I was draw to do the study’s. I said in my her that Sister is walking my walk! I need her words to lift me to point me and most of all remind me I am ok…. So thankful you are back!!! Oh how I have missed you and for you to be going on the very trip that I purchase a passport for many many years ago in hopes and prayers I would go some day is even better! My passport sets on my little book shelf waiting and I see it daily empty of marks or stamp and now I can read you words as you walk the walk I have dreamed of for years!!! Can’t wait to see it through your eyes! If I never go this will be the next best thing before go calls me home! Thank you Thank you! And welcome back Sister!!!!!!

  33. I’m feeling a little sentimental after reading something on your blog for the 2nd time this week. ? I miss hearing from “just Melissa” and look forward to reading about your experience. OBS has grown so much that it’s not as personal for me to NOT hear from you (not a bad thing at all because OBS has only gotten better!!)…. but I do miss the connection I felt with “just Melissa”. You are amazing! I’ve learned a lot from you and I’m happy you have been blessed with this opportunity!! Can’t wait to read about it!!!

    P.S. I’ve been feeling a little unconfident too and I need to find “just Mary”. I’ve been trying too hard to be everything to everyone that I don’t know how to be just me anymore. The search is on!!!!

  34. As someone who exists as a title (wife, mother, producer, director, audition coach, actor, teacher, and on and on), this spoke deeply to me. We are enough, and Philippians 4:13 has, is, and will always be my go to verse ?. Keep blogging, and being you ❤️.

  35. Oh how I wish you understood how much your words, insight and transparency has helped me over the years through your blog and Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies. I am so thrilled that you will be going to Israel and blogging through your journey! I cannot wait to see your updates and hopefully pictures of the Holy Land. I pray the Lord will protect you on this exciting journey and provide you with the courage and confidence you need!

  36. I get ya lady! I’ve blogged for years (12 and 1000 posts) but didn’t think I was a writer or that my words had value to others. Why would they??? But I’ve been going thought an online writing discussion at katemontaung.com. She hosts five minute Friday, and it’s been so good for me!!! I’ve been finding myself and my voice. And yes- you and I are much alike in that I’ve never not got something to say hehe. I’ve gone from felling like I have no voice to thinking about writing a book about my Uncle life in Nashville in a matter of weeks!!!)! Oh my WORD! It terrifies the snot out of me to think about it!!!

    I can’t wait to read about your trip!!! It’s a dream hubby and I have. I’m SO excited for you!!!!!!! What things you’ll learn, fun you’ll have and memories you’ll make!

  37. You go, girl! It’s so easy for us to lose our way amidst the hustle and bustle of this crazy life, much less keep our balance. You will find yourself again in Israel and it will be an exciting experience, but we want to hear all about it, okay?

  38. Yes, Melissa! You are enough. Love you girl! I know you will be so blessed by your time in the Holy Land. Dare I say I am jealous? Making a trip to Israel is one of my top desires to achieve, and hopefully I will get there before Jesus returns! Love you girl!!

  39. Jo Ann Bradis says:

    Looking forward to reading your blog. God’s blessing upon you as you take your journey to the Holy Land. You are enough!

  40. I love this post, and your honesty. “Just Melissa” is always enough, because in God’s eyes (and in the eyes of those around you), you are never “just” anything. Well, perhaps simply just amazing!

  41. Oh sweet Melissa so excited you are back here. I can so relate to your post. Sometime I feel I don’t even know who I am. I think part of the problem is the many hats we wear. We never take time to Be Still. I am excited to see how God moves while you are in Israel. Take time to Be Still with the Great I Am! Love you!!!

  42. Thanks for writing again. Jesus will meet with just you on your trip to Israel. (He did with me especially on the Sea of Galilee.). You will see the Bible come alive.

  43. Have a fantastic time in Israel and learn lots, including how to be just you! (((hugs)))

  44. Just Melissa is awesome. Just Melissa reached out a hand to me when I joined P31 as a participant. Just Melissa sent me a handwritten note that year that encouraged me & made just me feel amazing. Just Melissa has given me the opportunity to love & encourage others way over here on the west coast in a small town. Just Melissa is a woman that has given so much to so many. My friend, you are so much more than just Melissa, you are my friend & you have given me one of my greatest joys, a ministry. I love you!

    • And THIS is the beauty of Just Melissa. There are countless others of us who could have written the exact same thing as Stela. I’m praying that “Just Jesus” meets you in Israel and gives you back the encouragement and confidence that you have given to so many of us.

  45. Beth strozier says:

    Thank you for making us all feel human and admitting it. Seriously, thank you. You have so much to share and give that inspire so many…..March on, girl!

  46. Melissa, thanks for the message. You have hit upon something which has been bothering me for awhile and I appreciate it. Your words mean a lot to me. I know you will have an awesome journey and I am looking forward to hearing all about it.

  47. I’ve missed you! You are a strong woman in Christ; believe in yourself! So glad you are blogging again. Peace and blessings to you. Have a safe journey to the Holy land; I am sure the Lord will ignite a fire in your soul.

  48. Thank you, Melissa. I use to pray, God help me to be the person you want me to be. Then I realized, “He wants me to be me.” How free that realization was! He created me and you, and all he wants is for me and you to be me and you and allow him to work in us and through us. Can’t wait to read about your trip.
    Blessings ~ Carla

  49. Hey sweet wonderful lady . I will always follow u . You inspire me so much . I want to have the inspiration you have in doing bible studies and having that up beat spirit . . God gave u a great gift God bless u

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