Sep 10

I Became Unconfident As Just Me

MelissaTaylorOBS

Is anyone still here? If so, what a good friend you are! I’ve been away for a while, in fact I haven’t blogged in a year! This week though, I decided to come back. Why? Because I’m about to go to Israel. (More on that)

So what happened to me? Where have I been? Why haven’t I been writing on my personal blog the way I used to?

I lost my mo-jo. Seriously I did. I don’t even know the real meaning of mo-jo, but for me, that means my confidence. My confidence in being just me, Melissa.

Let me explain.  I am the Director of Online Bible Studies at Proverbs 31 Ministries. Oh, don’t let the big title fool you. Basically it means I lead Bible study online. And at first it really was that simple. But then it grew. And grew. And grew. Before I knew it, a one-woman shop became a 200+ woman team. We lead studies for thousands and thousands each year. Simple became complex. And while I’m confident as a leader, I became unconfident as just me.

Recently I was asked why I wasn’t taking part in the latest trend of  “Periscoping.” I was also asked why I wasn’t blogging anymore? I thought about it and had to confess that it was because I didn’t feel like I had anything to say. At least not anything that anyone would want to hear. Wait a minute … did I just say that? Since when do I not have anything to say?

I was able to obtain a dream job at Proverbs 31 Ministries because I believe in the value of others and what they have to say. I spend my time encouraging others that they matter. When I speak it’s usually because I see the potential in someone or I’m encouraging someone to believe that God is for them, they have what it takes, and they shouldn’t ever give up. But yet, I gave up. I gave up on me.

I’m going to Israel in 3 days. I will be walking where Jesus walked. I’ll be seeing things I’ve only read about. I realize this doesn’t make me more special than anyone else, but it is an opportunity I never dreamed I’d have. I won’t only be seeing sights, but I’ll be on a study trip, studying God’s Word in the Holy Land. “God, will you ignite a fire in me? Please bring your Word alive in my heart in a new exciting way. Will you meet with me as just Melissa? Can you show me that I have what it takes again?”

While that may sound selfish, I promise it’s not. Melissa needs to know that she is enough … just as Melissa.  Maybe you need to know that about yourself too.

Unconfident me is taking a step of faith and believing that she has confidence again. Israel is my turning point.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13 NLT

I’m going to blog my journey in the Holy Land next week and I’ll be doing that here on my personal blog. Maybe a few will be interested and read it or maybe it’s just for me. Confident Melissa is fine either way. haha

I never intended to hide behind a title in my life. But I realize I have been. Mom. Wife. Friend. Daughter. Online Bible Studies Director.

It’s time for the return of just Melissa. And just Melissa is enough.

See you in the Holy Land.

 

Melissa

Comments

  1. Melissa, Thank you for the blog this am. Through Proverbs 31 OBS, my faith is growing and a lot of my growth is due to you and your love of Jesus. I am so glad that you are blogging again. Have a great trip to the Holy Land and may God continue to bless you.

  2. I think we all get caught up in our titles, what we do for a living.. what our purpose is.. so to speak… but you are so right.. just being us is enough. I struggle with that too. So many want to be known.. ugh. I just wanna be worth knowing.. there’s such a difference. Jesus knew that too… He didn’t wanna be known.. He just wanted to make a difference in others’ lives and be worth knowing to those ppl. You are doing great, and u are so right.. you are blessed to be going on such a trip. When it was time to sign up months ago.. i looked at the price, and remembered saying to myself.. there’s no way in *&^% I could ever afford that. Not right now. You are blessed to go.. really. From what I remember, it was a ton of money to go. Be blessed. Don’t compare yourself with others. Just soak it in.. whatever God has for you to soak in.. it’s different for all of us. I’ll be rooting for you. Sometimes, we have to step away from all we know so God can do a special work in us. I’ve done this. Just remember.. you are loved simply for YOU. For you. You are special and oh so precious to Him… and that right there, is all you need. xo

  3. May I suggest BRAVE GIRLS UNIVERSITY to you??? http://bravegirlsclub.com and their monthly BRAVE BOX subscription too?? Together it’s about $50 a month but so so worth it. I sub to both… and this month.. the BRAVE BOX is all about being YOU.. being be you tiful just as you are. Take the time to invest in you Melissa. The Brave Box and the courses offered online at Brave Girls University will change your life, especially Soul Restoration.. so so good. Check it out take some time.. xo love to you

  4. Melissa, I NEVER comment. LIKE NEVER. But I just had to, being confident is exactly what you just did, and showing vulnerability is bravery to the highest degree!!!! Being a leader myself, I know that there are times, times that don’t make sense and you look back and go WOWA, what just happened and where did I go? Where did I go? Then the prayers begin to find yourself again, to have God flood your heart, to give you back the fire that once oozed out of your pores, and most importantly to give you back your voice. So from one leader to the next. Its not pity I know you want or people to say poor you, it strength and truth you like the air you breath. So I pray I breath it to you, I pray much power to you and all power to God. Greater is He who is in you… “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

  5. Have a blessed trip Melissa!!! :)

  6. Nancy Silvers says:

    Thank you Melissa! Your words opened my eyes to an area of my heart I’d like to hide. My lack of confidence, my feeling of “You will not succeed in ‘this'”. My once confident heart has been faltering lately. No more!! Phil 4:13 is my life verse and it’s time to start living it!

    Be blessed during your time of refreshing and learning in Israel!! I will be holding you up in prayer for God to touch you in ways only HE can!! :)

  7. Daphne Fitzpatrick says:

    God made you to be you!!! Thanks for sharing and reminding the rest of us to take off our titles and just be.

  8. Stephanie Asuncion says:

    Thank for being so open and honest. I believe we all experience this at least once in our lives. Good for you that you’re taking notice and desire to be just you. Being just you in Christ is enough and everything else will fall in place.
    Enjoy your time!

  9. Welcome back! Your message was as refreshing as the rain. Thank you for lifting me up. I needed a confidence boost and You gave it to me just by letting us know the struggle you have experienced this past year. You’ve still got it. So excited about your trip and praying that Melissa finds much more than mojo in Israel. God bless. Praying for you right now and praising God for using you to bless others. Sometimes those barren times can just be “Be still and know that I am God” as He gives us a new perspective on our walk.

  10. Christina Fields says:

    Hi just Melissa!! So happy you are blogging again. Reading your blog is what got me started with OBS. You were just you! I miss seeing the you writing the OBS blog as often… But I am happy you are back to your personal blog. I know God is going to restore your confidence to a confidence that David had when facing Goliath! I’m excited to hear about Israel through your eyes. Praying you have come back refreshed, with a fire in your bones, and with a confident heart in just Melissa daughter of the One True King!
    Abba, Abba remind Melisa who she is in you and that just being Melissa is ok and enough… Remind her she is chosen, free, forgiven, wanted, redeemed, loved…. Revive her confidence… Guard and protect her while she is traveling and pour out you spirit on her!!! Amen!!!
    Though we have never met personally… I see you as my friend and can’t wait to walk through Israel with you on your blog!!

  11. Melissa,
    Boy can I relate. I hope to walk with you in Israel as I can’t see every having that blessing in my life. I to have been struggling with not only, who am I, but why can’t I see, hear, or feel God’s presence anymore. Through you and your adventure in Israel, I am hoping that I can find peace with God again. So God Speed to you and those traveling with you. Patiently waiting your first Blog!

  12. Melissa, I have been where you are. It is a journey I have been on and I have found that ‘just June is enough’! I absolutely adore the woman God created me to be – and the journey continues. May your journey to Israel and your personal journey be filled with joy and blessings.

  13. Patty Dinkins says:

    I am praying for you Melissa and I know that God has great things for you in and through this trip!!!

  14. Paige Klein says:

    I love “just” Melissa. She is a woman that I admire & hope to be like one day!! Can’t wait to hear all about your trip.

  15. Becky Williams says:

    Welcome back! I hope you have a wonderful, encouraging trip to Israel. I look forward to reading your postings! I would LOVE to travel to Israel someday…I have talked to friends that have gone and they say they were changed after the experience. God bless and safe travels.

  16. Connie Vorwald says:

    I’m excited to see Israel through your eyes. Take us along with you. Praying for you dear sister in Christ!

  17. BRAVO MELISSA!! I too am still discovering that I AM (is) ENOUGH!! With you in the journey :-) xoxo

  18. Angel Parnell says:

    Oh my dear sweet Melissa,

    I have been flooded by the feelings of NOT ENOUGH, ever since I took a step of faith with God. February 2014, I felt God speak to me and call me to write, teach, and speak. I said yes not know where it would lead. Since, I have left my job to be a stay at home mom, moved back to my small home town (which I said I would never return), and had to find a new church. All of that to bring me to my very 1st speaking event on Sept 15.

    Then came the not enough…. Scheduling conflicts with my son’s activity and the speaking event… Not enough mom. Physical ailments prevent me from having the perfect home…. not enough wife. I have missed bible study, prayer, and study time… not enough Christian.

    Thank you for sharing your not enough to encourage me that I am enough. God has made made me enough. I will be praying for your trip for God to reveal all His Glory to you. Again thank you Melissa Enough Taylor.

  19. Melissa,
    May god bless you as you have blessed us. I pray this trip lifts and encourages you as you do for others. Safe travels…

  20. Please keep me your your list to see you blogs. Thanks for sharing.

  21. Thanks for sharing I have missed you; Have fun in Israel! ! Can’t wait to see what God has waiting for you their!! Love you , Joyce

  22. Michelle Turner says:

    What a great inspirational post. I needed to read this more than you know. I have been struggling with Michelle just being enough. Who the heck am I? I am no longer a wife. I quit my job and have been unemployed for the past year and all that is left is being a mother. Where did I go? Thank you for reminding me that being Michelle is enough and nurturing me is not selfish but necessary.

    Have a wonderful time in Israel. I can’t wait to read about it.

  23. Hi just Melissa! I can’t imagine the excitement you are feeling right now! My heart leaped when I was following Lysa on her journey there and now you get a chance to walk where He walked. When I first read I am going to Israel, my heart leaped and I said “Oh”. I am struggling to be/find just Elsie. I do understand you on that one. Wife, mom, friend, nurse, teacher, etc. Sister! Melissa I want you to remember how far you’ve come, you’ve made a difference in my life as well as many others. I also want you to remember your friend and mine Renee Swope and the study we did on A Confident Heart. Go over your notes for that study (I know you still have them!) Have a blessed trip and I pray that God light a fire in you again. Just Elsie.

  24. Welcome back just Melissa ?

  25. Welcome back Melissa!! I’ve missed YOU! I’m so excited for you and your trip! I really wanted to go but it wasn’t I. The cards for me this time! I totally get the lost confidence thing…I started a new job today and I was so anxious just because it’s been so long since I’ve put myself out there. But as usual…after spending most of the night tossing and turning, even though I took a sleep helper, I woke up this morning thanking God for the opportunity and asking for peace! Everything has been very good! PTL!!

  26. Yes, Melissa, you really are enough as “just” Melissa. That’s who God made you, without a title and without a list of all you’ve produced, accomplished etc. etc. Thank you for sharing the real you so honestly and openly. My heart feels with you, if that makes sense, as I get so caught up in that same “not enough stuff”. May God continue to show you the truly special, worthwhile, interesting person you are. Through showing you I think He is helping to show all of us who struggle.

  27. Melissa,

    I so identify with this. I recently just came off my own one year blogging hiatus. I felt the same feelings you are feeling. God has lit a new fire in me and given me a new vision for ministry. I pray He will do the same for you. You are a wonderful leader and I pray you come back from Israel (what an awesome opportunity!) renewed and refreshed to begin again. Have a safe trip!

  28. Was wondering where you had been! Glad to know it wasn’t a health (physical) issue. Looking forward to your posts again… and make sure you add some of those fun videos! (I have missed them) May you be blessed on this trip to Israel… and may your heart be inspired to find its voice again!

  29. We love you Melissa! For who you are…Self confidence. ..sounds selfish at times, but when we look at it from God’s perspective. . He created us just the way we are…Melissa you are a daughter of the King of Kings. Enjoy your trip. Soak it in , let the Lord love on you. May you be refreshed.
    Teresa

  30. It’s so good to see you posting again! I’ve missed you but haven’t forgotten you. I always feel blessed that I was able to get to know you when you were at PUMC. I hope you have a wonderful, inspiring trip to Israel and may God bless you in your travels. Thank you for the fantastic work you do encouraging others!

  31. Praying safe passage. Thank you for sharing, can’t wait to see all you share during your trip….may Jesus refresh your heart on this journey ?

  32. Glad to see you writing again Melissa. You never really know who all you’re helping by just being you. I was just sitting here disappointed about the potential no-shows to a bible study I’m hosting at my home this weekend, but your message reminded me, to just be me and God will take care of the rest. Safe travels and I look forward to reading about your trip.

  33. Thank you Melissa for returning. It’s so amazing to find other women who are going through the same things, just when you think you are the only one. Sisterhood is important. I love the work that Proverbs 31 does with me and for me. You all seem to have it all together, so to hear honesty in your message is uplifting to me. Have a wonderful trip and I look forward to your journey and will share with you in spirit. May God bless you greatly!

  34. Oh gosh, I thought I was the only one to lose my mo-jo on occasion! Glad we are in this together. Thank you so much for taking me along with you to Israel! I am more an arm-chair traveler, so this sounds fantastic to me. I will include you in my prayers, especially love this one: The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you, the Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26 xo

  35. Sweet Melissa, thank you for being transparent with us, you have touched many lives & will continue too. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in this world. God be with you on this wonderful trip & your new journey in life. Hugs n Love

  36. Love you, sweet lady! I understand. Praying for you! Much love! :)

  37. I totally understand your feelings. Hang in there girl. We all love you and God does more than anyone. I take any Melissa you have to offer. God Bless!

  38. Lisa Hathaway says:

    Melissa,
    Thank you for your honesty and sharing with us. Please know you are not alone in those kinds of feelings…. I currently am struggling myself! Knowing that other leaders go trubsome of the same feeling sometimes helps me know I am not alone. I pray you have a special time with the Lord on your trip and that He will meet you right where you are and touch your heart in many ways. Blessing!

  39. Melissa, thank you for being so authentic! I pray that you have an amazing time and feel God’s presence like never before! I can’t wait to read your blog!!

  40. Becky Seamon says:

    Way to go Melissa! :)

  41. Ginny Blankenship says:

    My heart breaks for you Melissa! I remember those early days, chatting with you on the phone or texting among the leadership team and you were so confident in your calling and who you are. I understand how easy it is to slip behind a title and lose yourself there – I have done it also. I pray that God uses this time to draw you close to Him, that you feel His arms wrapped around YOU – not the OBS leader, mother, teacher, wife, mentor etc but around Melissa Taylor-beloved child of God. May this time fill you up with His presence and renew your identity. Then, when you put on one of your many hats you can still stay true to you. Love you and miss all of you so much.

  42. I’m so looking forward to the updates of your trip. What an amazing blessing it will be for you to go.

  43. Yay! Glad you’re back. Looking forward to hear about your trip to the Holy Land. It’s been a desire of mine for a long time to make that trip! I probably will never make it in this life so I’ll love hearing about it through you. Be blessed beyond measure!

  44. Johanna Gregory says:

    I wont keep you!! I just want to say I sooooo understand! ! I love you and will keep you in my prayers! Safe travels. May God full you with His word & comfort your heart! Bass in this time with our Father. I’m excited for you

    Grace, Peace & Abundant Blessings
    Johanna

  45. Be Blessed Melissa, God is not done with you yet. He might have needed you take a step back to prepare you for what he has planned for you. Continue to trust in Him and seek His guidance for your life. He is up to something, hope you are ready when He calls. Safe travels!

  46. Thank you for being honest open and real. That is courageous! Here’s my prayer for all of us battling the thief who steals, kills and destroys our confidence.

    Start a fire-by Unspoken! Please Jesus we need this badly!!!

    Love and prayers Melissa.

  47. Dearest Melissa. Have a blessed holy trip and get your fire back on with the Holy Spirt. We all miss you very much, please blog. I remember several years ago when I first got on your email list and you worked out of your home and you then filled my life w your spiritually. It was all good, simple and easy. Please come back stronger and may God shower you with blessings.

  48. Melissa: I will be praying that you find that you are enough! I struggle with the same thing and will be looking forward to hearing about your journey while you are in Israel. I enjoy participating in online bible studies in large part because of you. You make each of us feel connected to you and the team just because of who you are as a person. Travel safe and enjoy your trip of a lifetime!

  49. Hi Melissa. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I remember loosing my confidence when my last “bab” went off to college. I felt like I had no idea who I was, if I was ‘enough’. Sometimes I think we all struggle with this if we are honest. And so I’m back here where I started, leaving comments on your blog. :) I enjoyed the first online Bible studies here. They’ve come a long way. You’ve accomplished a lot. But it was your authentic personality, your openness, your excitement that brought them to live and helped them to grow. It may have taken on a life of it’s on, but that doesn’t mean that Melissa has been forgotten. Have a wonderful trip to Israel. I can’t wait to read about your adventures. :)

  50. Lisa Pickels says:

    Melissa, Can I just say Thank You for being you and coming out and admitting that to all of us. Sometimes I lack confidence and I have to give myself a pep talk by reading the bible. Take a step back and remember God made you who you are and we are grateful for that. You will get your mo jo back !! Have an awesome trip and I can’t wait to read all about it!! God Bless!!